I am literally in Beverly Hills 90210. I'm feeling so cool...NOT. This f'ed up hotel has CRAP air conditioning equaled only by the shitty ass tv. Listen to this. I found hotel on internet...it's close to the design firm I will be working at tomorrow. You know where I am going to be? You know where Ryan goes and does his "ho on the street" interviews? The Farmer's Market at the Grove...well that's where my meetings will be with the famous Julian. Sadly, I have to work hard tomorrow and no goofing off and stalking stars. At LAX tonite, I stared at alot of people. You know how when you look at clouds they start to look like objects. I figured I'd employ the same strategy with the people in line with me at California Pizza Kitchen. And I swear I saw Hugh Grant. And then i saw a couple from The Amazing Race.
Anyway, my hotel and accommodations were described on internet as flat screen tv, blah blah blah, ipod dvd, blah blah. Ok, so I get here and I swear to God my tv in my kitchen at home is bigger. Hell, my computer Monitor at work is bigger. This fucking laptop screen is bigger than the postage stamp they gave me for viewing Grey's Anatomy on tonite. So, I called down to front desk where "Darren" is on duty tonite. Here's a recap:
Cole: "Darren, I need you to come up to my room, my tv viewing pleasure is let's say, not so pleasurable"
Darren: What seems to be the problem Ms. Cole.
Cole: "It's Mrs. Bronn, but anyway, there are squiggly lines and I am having a hard time drooling over McDreamy when he is starting to look like Ed McMahon."
Darren: "Be right up..."
Knock Knock:
Darren: What seems to be the problem....(let me cut to the chase now and just tell you that he determined the tv was hosed, and decided to move me to a new room.)
Ring:
Darren: "You know what? We decided we would just bring you a new tv. "
Cole: "Cool" I reply. (inside voice is saying "Oh for fucks sake, Grey's Anatomy is 15 minutes into the episode and I'm going to lose another 15 with these wannabe actor/front desk clerks figuring this shit out)
Knock Knock:
TV is at the door. New cute guy delivering. He doesn't know a tv cable from a cable cardigan sweater. Stand back fancy pants. New cut to the chase...i kicked him and the new tv out of my room.
Beverly Hills 90210 is full of Dummy heads by the dozen.
So, i decide to check out the bathroom. You know, is the soap and shampoo worth stealing? (It's not) And I see this big silver can on the counter. Yep, for $14.95 I can take some huffs of pure Oxygen. I swear I almost died when i read the descriptions. Only in LA. Pure oxygen in a can, which speaks to the smog down here being a real problem when you have to BUY some breathable air. This place is really suckish.
Well, next time I have a chance to post, it will be with Texas soil beneath my feet. I cannot wait. Once a Texan, always a Texan. It's the sweetest place on Earth. And the most humid too! My eyelids will start peeling by Sunday.
Happy Friday everyone! 2 days to Daughtry. I'm just giddy for it all.
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And the moral of the story: Cole never uses Hotels.com again.
The canned oxygen is hilarious. Hellay is Smogtastic, but here's the scary thing - it's not THAT much worse than Atlanta...I mean, our AQI today was like 59...that wasn't that much better than parts of Southern Cali...and we had the highest pollen count on record like six weeks ago (it's still coating everything) - it's still insanely bad, but when I lived in LA, I wasn't that put off by the traffic or the air quality because compared to where I've lived my whole life, it wasn't that much of a change - and the city was a thousand times better.
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