FINALLY HOLLYWEIRD WEEK!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the real beginning of American Idol, Season 7. It's all uphill and off the hook from this point. We will most assuredly still see some duds, because you know that Dollywood girl is coming, 164 of those fools caught a plane to sing on this stage. And some of them, no doubt, did some stupid stuff during the past 3 months while awaiting their trip.

So, I am not going to comment on each person. I am telling you my picks for the Top 12 women and men and let's see how well I am at picking them.

Hey, so they open the show trying to scare the shit out of us. Did they forget our asses are on the couch eating spaghetti (atleast I am) and I ain't scared. And who are they kidding? I'm more scared of my mailman than Ryan Seacrest at his scariest. That tough guy act just tells me one thing...Ryan, don't quit this gig because you are not an Actor, my friend.
So, here we are...Ryan warns us, in his Dan Rather voice...for a brand new Hollywood Week, like we've never seen before. Ok, bring it.

Oh, the instruments are finally here. Now I'm sorry blogpound that I have been harping on that, but I love the instrumentage. It's essential for me. I don't like the karaoke effect, I like to hear some sound. So, I am being rewarded for my not so patient patience tonite. First up...oh, Miss Anti-Rated R movie. I really remember I liked her. I tried to call her on the phone a couple of times, but that rude restraining order put an end to that. Can you blame me for trying to get BFFish with a potential gazillionaire like Carrie Underwood? I mean, if you were on Carrie's season, wouldn't you be kicking your own ASS for not BFF'ing her? I would and I am...I could have hopped a plane to Chekotah and showed up at church before she got all famous. Hindsite is 20/20.

FYI, for those that are surprised that I am not jumping for joy over the end of writer's strike...it ain't over until the Fat Lady sings, or until Ugly Betty is back on air with a new episode.

DAVID Hernandez will be in the final 12. guaranteed. So will Rockin'Roll Nurse. But she will have trouble with theme weeks. she is so distinctive. Not sure if she is Pop Idol...it's so unique but so Janis Joplin. And Simon is right, she is going to sound the same, even if she is singing the alphabet song. Aaaayaaa Beeeyaeeeyaeee...Ceeeyaeeeyaeeee.

Buck Smith, now where the hell did this MO Ron come from. I can sing that damn song and I'm not trying out. FROZEN brains can't remember the lyrics. Caleb the Pauler Mauler is back. Gigolo? I don't think so. Greasy Spooner Valenzueler fool is who he is. He speaks 4 languages..skime, slime, loser, and cheeser. And by the way, he can't sing 4 languages, or even one for that matter. Bye now, you cheeze baller. And Bryan Adams is waiting in the hallway to kick your ass for murdering his song. OMG Simon said the same thing...which was cool because my hubby said that it wasn't a Bryan Adams song. ha! Man, I love it when me and Simon are in Sync. Simey and Coley. What a pair. I can dream can't I?

AFter the commercial, we have CryBaby CarBoy. Oh, please don't make me sad already. Jo-sigh-yah...Why ya gotta make me cry-ah? Pleeze Jo-Sigh-Yah, suck it up boy...grow a pair and bust it out-yo! Where ever the wind blows is where he goes. NOW, he says he has made every mistake a guy could make in the past year...look at him...like what, take 2 mints while exiting a restaurant? TOP 12 -her. I LOVE HIM. LOVE HIM LOVE HIM. Ok enuf.
Ok, this little dude don't match his voice, but he's through. CARLY, I LOVE HER , the Irish girl, Top 12 er. Hint, don't eat blue mints before you sing. I like the Doors music coming out. I liked him alot.

WHAT THE FUCK IS KUNG FOO PANDA? Jack Black on panda crack. OMG. My hubs is singing "Everybody was kung fu fighting, everything was fast as lightening...hysterical"

David Cook is singing Bryan Adams the right way. But I can't even see him singing as well as Daughtry. No way. And I'm sorry people but it is impossible for me not to compare these people to Chris and Carrie...even though they are megastars now.
OH, that Presidential politician dude from Dallas is in Hollywood. You know, he reminds me of Owen Wilson. But Owen probably sings better...in the shower. Little corny Pauler? It was awful. And Simon can't even listen to Pauler's bullshit, throws a fit and storms out. Honestly, he probably just needs to go take a poo-poo.

And now Ryan warns us about the most VICIOUS voting rounds ever. How's that Ryan? Are you going to make them all reach into a tank of piranhas for a golden ticket? OH, Acapella or out. Brutal. In or Out. Ripping the band aid off. Good luck it's do or die. Amy has a voice coach. I hate that girl cheerleader fool. She's a brat. Suzanne Toon was good. Perrie was not. He moves around too much and I hate the gangster look. This ain't Oakland dude. So, the parents are out. I do think Suzanne was the judges first mistake. And you know, we never have seen those 2 that got put through. Oh, here's the dang girl. She has craZy eyes. Ok Amy you should fire that girl coach. I don't like you. Goodbye Jasmine Trias girl. Oh, no, they had her step forward. Oh good. Bye Amy. over rehearsed and over confident. Now go eat some french toast and get over it. You 16 year old going on 40.
Ryan puts on his Dan Rather voice again and informs us that 40 out of 44 have been sent home. Say it isn't so Ryan. OMG, that's more than 50% like the judges promised. Will there be anyone left to sing the rest of the season. I think someone has to stop this madness. They are ruining the show Ryan. Ok, more after the break. and after I wipe this melted chocolate chip off my keyboard. God it is hard to type and eat candy. Don't try that at home kids.
Ryan Rather is back. You can literally hear a pin drop. Each and every one of you...it's the end of the road. Angelica Puente...omg, not her. And the car accident girl. Wow, that's not good. Kristy Lee Cook, the farmer girl from Oregon. I loved her, and she didn't make through the first time? WTF? Oh boy the chubby chunks of love siblings. Look, facts are facts. We already had Rueben. That's it. We seen it, dawg. Ryan Rather is rispering now. Ryan has many voices, including multiples in his head I'm sure. Oh, now the girl who's daddy died. My husband said this is the year of the car accident. OMG, that girl has a baby. Oh, I love this Bill Withers song. Lovely Day. OMG< the presidential and chubbers are through? Kristy Lee Cook goes through. Angela goes home to her daughter, which is where she belongs. Jeffrey is going to croke with happiness.

Oh, this is excellent, they are cutting to the bone on this shit, and getting the crappos out.

Have you seen the add for Defintely, Maybe? They intro it by saying "From the makers of Love Actually, Notting HIll, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and Bridget Jones Diary, comes ...blah blah blah. Ok, so why didn't they say "You like all those Hugh Grant Movies, then you'll love this one. And by the way, these are some spectacular movies. I already give this movie 4 thumbs up. I love Ryan Reynolds even though I confuse him with Ryan Gosling quite often. Ok, these people practicing look like of weird practicing like they are Mariah or something. So funny.

Can you believe it, we will be cut to the top 24 at the end of this show. I'm so freaking nervous, I can't even type. Ryan Rather has me flipping the fuck out. Kidding. Hey, look it's my guy, DayDee!!! Ok, if Presidential doesn't get cut today, I know this is rigged. If they aren't careful, he will be this season's, dare I type it, Sanjaya? Oh, my little DayDee is such a little hottie-to-be. They are going to jack his shit up when he gets to the top 12 boy lineup, and he's going to the final 10 atleast, mark my words. What's his name, besides my little DayDee. Oh, Randy loves him too. I can't wait to see him sing a John Mayer song. He's young, likeable good looking and has a great voice. He's going to the big show, David Archuleta. He's the bomb-a-licious...It's vicious. Get him out of that t-shirt material and into some groovy clothes, whip that hair into an older look, and the girls will vote him through to the finals. Those little girls are going to just dial the Barbie nailpolish off their tiny little digits voting for him. Presidential can sing, but come ON, for the love of Clay Aiken, we got to get this out. He sang Josh Groban. Kyle is going to be our nerd of the lineup. Joining our past nerds...Anthony Federov, Sanjaya, Justin Guiarini, and you know the rest. This migraine man has a nice voice, but sad, he's out. Voice giving out. Listen, if you can't make it through HW week, you ain't gonna make it. So buck up girly girl. Look at that girl's legs. And she sings it out. Randy gives her a good blast of confidence. Great job Randy Rando. Pauler is so nice. Oh, I loves them. Sometimes you just want to hug them. Why do people sing Queen? I just don't get some of these song choices.

Carly Smithson, is going to have to go through, because she is one of my horses, for sure. Good song choice. I love her so much, she is going to be so cool to watch morph into a rocker hottie chick. She's my Kelly Clarkson girl. OMG, she is so good singing her little Irish heart out. Awesome lassy! 1,000,000% yes. Asia'h Eperson, pronounced Asia. What a good song and perfect for her. What is that song? She is terrific or Brilliant as Simey sez. Brook, the beauty queen, will be in, if for nothing else but ratings from the 12 - 21 year old demographic. OH, no she won't. She hit that note terribly. Bye now. Well, maybe not so quick. OMG< Pauler was mean for the first time EVER. And rightly so. I was so wrong. Pauler did her in. She was too pretty for Pauler. Oh, man, CryBaby Car Boy is gotta go now, at 3:30 am. Run through with the band didn't go well. OMG< puh leeze people, stop this drama. I love CryBaby CarBoy. Oh, JOE-SIGH-AH. The drama. This is just so built up, and now I am scared...done with my spaghetti, and I'm worried. He can't blow it. I feel for him. But listen, it's tv, and they did not build this up to slam him. Now how can they do it. Randy is going to be the meany now? Teensy wheensy a bit annoying and dismiss the band. And be really certain...and he lost a little bit of charm. Way over-confidence. OMG< CryBaby is going to have a nervous breakdown. And take me down with him. Ok, so that was really good. I have to say, I'm loving me some American Idol tonite. I really am.

One hour and 51 minutes into this, my fingers are bleeding and I only have 40% battery left. I haven't even had a drink of liquid in 2 hours, scarfed a bowl of spaghetti and a handful of chocolate chips (mine never make it to the cookie state..lOL) and I am exhausted. I have Carpel Tunnel from this show tonite.

Ok, so who are the top 24? Here's a few of my faves.

CryBaby Car Boy
Rate R Movie Girl
Asia
Kelly Farmgirl
Irish Girl
San Diego boy
Rocker chick
Throat Girl
Michael Johns
Black guy smoothy
DayDee David
FArm Boy

So, they have put it to 50 and now have to dump 26. Wow. And I totally believe that this will be the best season ever. I didn't see a Jasmine Trias or Jessica Sierra in the whole bunch. Not a Sanjaya yet, because I know Presidential is going home. PUHleeze. Don't give Howard Stern his person to vote for.

Ok, how'd I do Tink? Did you finish your coffee yet? Ok, get back to work. :)