Idols Out

Well, I'm not surprised so far about the vote offs.  Well, until they got rid of Alaina.  Like I said, the Blondes are splitting the vote.  Kady Malloy and Kristy Lee Cook are the next to split with Brooke.  OMG, she busts up.  Finally someone that isn't a robot, and says I ain't sanging.  Oh, Ryan is such a nice guy.  Danny Noriega and David Archie are crying.  These people are emotional wrecks.  Nerve Pills for EVERYONE tonite.  I'll gladly share.

Like Tink said...well, let's just get through to the Top 12...we can't even remember these peoples names.

March 11 is the new set and the Final 12.  Rueben Studdard is doing this year's sing out.  It better be good dammit.  We have to listen to it for like 4 ever.

Miley Cyrus

Mariah Carey 

Snoop Dogg

Daughtry

Carrie Underwood

Brad Pitt

 

All part of the Idol Gives Back Bake Off.  Yes, they are bringing back that ribbon logo and it's just something I can't get past.  It looks like the Pillsbury Bake Off logo.  

Well, it was a snore-a-thon.  My husband picked them all correctly.  I had the Nurse Rocker to go and Luke Menard.  Atleast mine were all in the bottom.

Hey, did I tell y'all I saw CryBaby Car Boy on ELLEN?  She gave him like 8,000 dollars worth of music shit.  Unfortunately, it doesn't all fit in his car, so he probably had to sell it in the parking lot.  LOL.  Anyway, she loves him, hugs him to death, let's him sing.  I think she loves him more than that dog Izzie.  

Guess what? I get to go to see Famous Julian tomorrow in LA.  I'm feeling like tomorrow is going to be Fierce.  I know I am going to see a star.  It's in the cards.  Also, I plan to make Julian drive us through McDonald's for lunch, instead of the fancy lunch, and then we are going to stalk the Idols.  LOL.  I'm renting a car actually.  I might just drive around all night long until I see a star.  Just kidding.  I don't even know who I want to see right now.  Mmm...actually, I think if I ran across Kim Kardashian, I would be so thrilled.  I need to see that ass in person.  I just want to know if tv really adds 15 pounds.  Also, I think she is absolutely flawlessly beautiful.  I can't understand why I am enthralled with her.  Somebody at work just got their picture with her and Reggie Bush.  She is crazy pretty.  And her boobs were out of control.  

Ok, I totally lied.  I want to see Britney.  I want to be able to say when I am 60, that I saw that crazy bitch at Starbucks.  It's just something I need in my repetoire of sightings.  Right now, my most famous person I get to talk about ever seeing is Billy Joel.  In the elevator with me, singing to me.  That's my most famous person because John Madden is old and was mean to me on a photoshoot.  So, he's out.  Billy is still on top.    

Well, that's it for me tonite peeps.  Later skaters.

Girl Time...Top 20

They have to be better than last night's boy bombs, don't they?  OMG, Randy and Pauler are praising last nights talent.  Were we watching the same show?

Here's Irish Kelly.  Well, she wishes she was Kelly C.  That wasn't really that great to me.  But she is still a frontrunner for me.

Syesha..I love this girl, here.  She is awesome.  But I did not like that song...Me and Mr. Jones.  Sort of not like a real show stopper.  Unforgettable.

Brooke...pure as the driven snow...pulls Carly Simon.  Now that is a great song choice.  I feel like she has sung that alot, and she has some really good stage presence, even with that guitar.  She feels to me like she is more comfortable hiding behind an instrument a bit.    It works for her though because she is so stunningly beautiful.  Judges say?  Agree with me.  Good for them.  Nice job cutie girl.

Ramiele...rocking Christian's hairdo on Project Runway...what a cute little girl.  Now let's pray she doesn't plug a damn flower on the side of her head like that freakin' Jasmine Trias did.  I was just waiting for a flies to buzz around her head.  Now this girl...who is her clothing stylish.  Somewhere backstage is the lady that wardrobed Peg Bundy in Married with Children.  This is the second pair of tight legged pants I've seen recently, and I am not a fan of that.  And the dull colors are just ugh?  That tank top she has on looks like they picked it up at Wal-Mart on the way to the studio.  Now look, I have been so busy with that outfit, that I haven't mentioned that her song sorta sux.  Was that Donna Summer?  Not working for me.  Randy and Pauler seem to agree...and Simon 'astonishingly' agrees.  Now if you ever had Simon at your wedding, he just called it ghastly.  ha ha.  Wow, he did give her a top 3 shout out though.

Kristy Lee Cook is up next.  Before she sings, I'm just going to say this.  She better come out of the shoot like she was about to pole dance.  This girl needs to bring an edge if she is going to compete against the other sweet cute girls.  She needs to be the Angelina Jolie against the Jennifer Anistons (of which there are 2)  Here she goes.  Ok, boobies bouncing...good start.    Well, I think she must have heard me...but she isn't really convincing as a vixen, quite yet.   But atleast she tried and I think this was enough to separate from the blond pack.   Good song choice.  Pretty good.  I liked her attempt to act and move as well.  Judges: Agree with Cole.  

Rocker Nurse is up.  Now here, she better calm it down and show some diversity.  NO JANIS JOPLIN.  She has such beautiful eyes, this girl.   Goodbye Girl.  Take a look at her now, because she will not survive Weds. This was awful.  I don't even know what that hair is doing either.  And those pants.  I'm sorry, this jumped the shark.  Bloop bloop bloop  Greg won't ff dammit, he is torturing me.   Hey, phone ringing Angie...David Lee Roth wants his pants back.  Well, they both agree with me that this song sucked.  This terrible hair and indulgent song..well, we know Simon is in good form tonite.

Alaina Whitaker is next.  "Hopelessly Devoted to You" is not how I would describe my feelings toward you...little food freak.  She's awright, but this is karaoke at best to me.  Boring.  Hated it.  There was some pitchy ness.  I did like her earlier...she is one of the Anistons.  Bring out Kady Malloy.  She's my favorite Aniston.  

Ok, Alexandrea is my pick to go this week.  Chicago "If You Leave Me Now"  Look at how she is dressed.  Like she just left REI and dropped by to perform on her way to Yosemite.  She has on hiking boots with tiny bootie socks.   Now she sings like she is 14 and in her bedroom, singing to her poster of Fresh Prince of BelAir on her wall.   I don't know, it just was so weird for me.  She bugs.   But she does remind me of the talented Alicia Keys as well.  I might change my vote now.  She is such a tomboy, that's for sure.  Simon calls it as I do. 

Why does Simon get that pose with the Loser L hand with the thumb stuck in his temple?  It's distracting.  This girl is probably the most sincere little girl.  I really like her alot.

Kady Malloy is my fave here.  I love her little attitude.  She is singing Heart.  Well, this is the sexy act I was looking for.  This song would not be a good song even for freakin' Heart to showcase their talent.  Ann and/or Nancy Wilson would not score well on this.  It doesn't have any really good passages to show your voice.   Not working for me kadykins.  Pitchy and bitchy.  This Aniston did not knock it out.  She better look in the mirror and really check that attitude.  Simon killed her.  If she doesn't pull a Chikezie next week, she's walking the plank.

Here's Asiah...PLEASE for the love of FANILOWS everywhere, why is she singing this freaking song, and butchering it at that.  Is she sick with the idol flu too?  I don't like this crap.  OMG, people we have like 100 more weeks of this shit.  If we only have David Archuleta to look forward each week, this blog is going to be awfully boring.  BORING.  I will have to post video of my cat bathing.  Cuz these people are the newest citizens of the Town of Dull.  YUKKO.

OUT:  Nurse Rocker...Alexandrea

Top 20 Countdown...the male species

I love Ryan's outfit tonite.  He might have stole it off someone on the red carpet, since he is fresh off the Oscar's gig. 

Michael Johns likes to play tennis.  mmm...he seems a little bit older and more polished, like as if Bono was up there with like Fall Out Boys.  Both good, but one so outta' the other's league.   And Michael Johns is hitting some really pitchy notes tonite.  Ummm...sorry but this is not working for me dude.  I'm sorry.  I really want to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else, but he has never done it for me, and tonite did not sway my vote.    Randy and Pauler give him some sort of kind of good comments, and now SIMEY...'weakest performance' and 'coasting'.  Weak choice.  Hey, Simey has a new sweater on.  My gosh, someone has gotten some new threads.  Shocking.

Jason Castro...mmm...little bit of a dummy cat in those interview outtakes.  Ok, music time...GOOD SONG CHOICE.  he's great.  He's making a lameass BeeGees song sound decent. Ok, now are you looking at those perfect teeth and blue eyes.  He's dreamy, but damn, boring as vanilla ice cream.  He's need to top it off with some jimmies.   I likes me some Jason, but he's not long for this thing.  He's never going to win this shit with those dreadlocks.

People, let me digress here a bit and talk about how this shit goes down.  

These people are getting up there and try to think of their performances as little, tiny movie trailers (produced by The Ant Farm, of course)...and at the end of the show, America is going to vote for what movie they want to see more of...it's that simple.  And so, who is America?  Well, it a bunch of diverse target audiences.  12 year olds, teeny bopper mallrats, stir in some nerd boys, and that's your youngest segment.  Then you have your 'dormer' which is all the people that should be studying but are hanging out in the study lounges, chewing on Domino's and watching the show with their roommates.  Then, there are the cool moms & pops that think this is their one and only chance to sit down each week with their kids and 'bond'.    

So, who's the biggest voting block and who they will vote for?  And finally, the winner is the person that appeals to a percentage of each and every one of these voting blocks.  Now, let me bring this home...Michael Johns is sort of polarizing.  He's appealing, I believe to the older segments, where I don't think the big #'s are dialing.   I don't see him making it to the top 5.  I really don't.  So, this concludes American Idol 101 for tonite.  But this is how I analyze it.  

Ok, so that Luke Menard dude sang during that last bit, and I don't even care.  BORING.

Robbie Carrico, Foreigner "Hot Blooded".  Umm...it's ok...atleast he is moving around on the floor.   Umm.  What is this karaoke night?  Tonite this is just really killing me in blandness.

Does Pauler have a shoehorn as a necklace tonite?  She's got her Mallboro Man outfit on.  She's so funny.  Greg says she has her titties hanging out again.  LOL  I love his armchair commentary.  He thinks she is so silly.

OH BOY, little Danny is coming up.  For those of you watching Project Runway...isn't Danny's hair sort of like Christian's?  He's singing the Carpenter's.  OMG.  I am rolling on the flipping floor.  yes, typing and rolling.  And btw, Karen Carpenter is an idol of mine, and therefore, I am very resentful that he is taking down her song...God rest her soul.   Oh, my he is awful on this with his little lip moves.  Ok, it wasn't really that BAD, but it was such a disconnect for me.  I just can't get it.  OMG, Danny is so happy that SimonSez he looks good on camera.  That is like he won the show right there.  Listen, if he wants to get the little girly vote, he's just going to have to dim that flame a bit.  That's alls I'm sayin'.  DIM THAT FLAME.

David Hernandez - oh, he was a little tumbler as a little tyke.  Singing..ok, but nothing worth writing home about...or blabbing on this blog about, as the case may be.

Listen, another sidebar, do you think these little personal stories are good?  Hell no.  If someone was to ask me something about myself, I'd have myself a freakin' insane story made up.  Like: "America, I was not born in a hospital, but was born on the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland.  My mom's ride got stuck, her water broke, and that boat ride started with 10 passengers and ended with 11.  And guess what?  Disneyland gave me a lifetime pass, and my birth certificate says I was born at Disneyland USA."   

Jason, looking like a thin Val Kilmer, is singing Doobie Brothers.  Nice song, and he's sort of making it his own, but damn again, no one is killing me here with their talent.   Do I need to turn up the volume on my hearing aids?  BTW, I only listen to these performances...not really watch them, so I am really listening and judging vocals.  If they look goofy, that is sort of not in my equation.   Oh, Simon slammed that dude down.  Oh, was that brutal.  Man.  How do you not leap off that stage and rip his British throat out?  I'll tell you why you don't, because that badass Ryan is packing heat on that stage.  OMG.  Can you imagine Ryan trying to stop Danny Noriega?

 OK, here comes Chikezie Jacuzzi.  He's singing Donny Hathaway.  HEY, I LIKE IT.  Hey, you know what?  I hear some talent in there.  Listen up peeps, he may look like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air's buddy, but he sangs, he SANGS.  What's his name?  Why is he wearing a freaking dayglo orange jogging watch with that blue polo?  OK, now that dude has just done something that has actually broken through the clutter.  He's taken control on that stage, and you know how I know?  I stopped typing and hit rewind.  And it was perfect and unstaged, that jab at Simon, and it was perfectly timed.  You can't teach that shit in rocker school.

David Cook - I LIKE IT.  It's cool.  Hubby does not and I wish he would shut it.  It's like suddenly I'm sharing a couch with Simey.  He's screaming soemthing about this is an "anthem" song, blah blah.  Ok, so I like it.  I loved the electric guitar.  I thought it actually gave him personality.  

Ok, now David Archuleta pulls out a damn good story, backs it with video, albeit grainy, and a relevant topic to Idol.  He frickin' plays the Kelly Clarkson card.  Come on people.  COME ON?  Is that what I was talking about?  You betta' believes it.

Now he throws down and brings us John Lennon... and sings it with a little Archie spin on it.  "Archie being my little nickname for him".  He was stellar.  FAR above the rest of the males this evening.  I'm telling you people, you laugh, but he's my early pick.   And Randy backs me up.  I hope he doesn't flame out too soon.  Don't cry dude.   Oh, now Randy is screaming fire.  OMG, Pauler wants to dangle him from her rear view mirror. That quote WILL appear on TALK SOUP this week.  I bet a dollar.  Simon..let's hear it.   I agree, I would have never pulled Lennon.  That falls under the Celine Dion or Mariah Carey clause.  Don't bite off what you can't chew.  But he did it, so gets a pass.  OK<>

Going home:  Luke Menard and Jason "Val Kilmer" Yeager

Overall, I am starting to think we had 18 one hit wonders on this show, and they used them all in the tryouts.  There are only 2 and maybe 3 guys worth listening to, and the rest of them sounded like I was listening to them on an 8-track.  Stinky.

  

 

Oscar Sunday...do you really care?

Well, I don't.  It's just not a year of cool stuff this year.  I don't really find myself cheering for anyone except Ellen Page because I LOVE Juno, but I know those are some long shots.  Remember some of the great performances of really good movies in the past...like Tom Hanks for Forrest Gump...and Jack Nicholson...Dustin Hoffman...Robert DeNiro...really great actors and the glamourous woman...Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts...for some reason, I just don't get excited by Cate Blanchett or Helen Mirren.  Or remember the whacky years of Cher's black feather outfit...or JLo and her cut to there front?  Or the ridiculous...when Celine Dion came in a white tuxedo with the jacket on backwards?  And the white Fedora?  She jumped the shark in fashion on that one.  Whew.  

Fashion has it's own Oscars and it's called Bryant Park.  Let me tell you, there are MUCH cooler freaking stars and shit going down at Fashion Week.  Heidi Klum is by far the smartest supermodel evah.  That squeeky voiced bitch married a rock star and then executive produced a great tv show that allows her to walk the catwalk every week, and rock the clothes with attitude.  She's my new hero.  And push out 3 kids in the process.  I loves me some Heidi K. She's Fierce.  

FIVE weeks and counting and I am headed out to Texas!  Yes, my baby cousin is getting married, the last one of the 5 grandkids to walk the plank.  The wedding is at a ranch in West Texas, so it should be alot of fun.  I love destination weddings, where you are kind of on vacation, and then you stop by a wedding in the middle of your trip.  Ha.  My crazy ass mom will be there, and that will add to the mix.   Shit, I need to stop this blog and go find me a dress online.  I do not wear dresses, people.  I hate them.  It's not that I am not a girly girl...it's just that dresses are so fucking cheesy.  They don't express me.  I don't know.  Now I am depressed.  The attire is "cocktail"...which means my momma will kick my ass if I'm not wearing a dress.  And a dress = dress shoes, and that means paralyzed feet.  

OMG, where are my nerve pills?

xoxo...

My blog has gone haywire

What's up with the layout? I can't figure out how all the segments got scrambled. I guess I have to get HTML for DUMMIES at the bookstore and figure this shit out.

Ugh.

The First Vote Off of Season 7

Well, the first thing I will say is...good for them trying to quiet the controversy on previous recording artists.

Opening montage in black and white outfits.  I smell an ensemble sing.  I must pause now to fetch me my barf bag.  I promise it will be ugly.

Opening vignette scene is probably the best produced openign I've ever seen.  it's better than a REAL World MTV video...especially with Chris Daughtry...wow, they have pimped him out again on this show.  I wonder who will sing the "loser going home song" this season.  OMG<>

This group sing thing sucks  BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP.  HATE IT.  Did anyone see The Brady Bunch movie?  Because this is just a bunch of Peter Marcia's Greg Jan's and the Clan. Ugh.  My eyes are stinging that sucked so bad.  

I have to admit something...I love to hate the bad people more than I love to love the good people. So, I secretly hope that Danny Noriega sticks around a couple of weeks. Anthony, I did see your comments on Howard picking him for VOTE FOR THE WORST.  And Lu thinks Chikezie is Ice Cube...or is it Ice Tea?  Or Ice Tea with icecubes.  Set me straight Lu.  

Jason Castro dreadlocks is a little happy camper dude.  Like he's on happy pills and overdosing.  Sort of camp counselor-ish.  

Wow, Ryan ripped that Band Aid off just whickety whack.  Frampton is OUT.  Just like that...that was an easy one.  Come on...he was on vacation and instead of going to see SuperBad for the 10th time, he decided to try out American Idol while his parents went to see Shamu at SeaWorld.  Does he deserve to go any further?  NO.   OMG<>

Alaina is my fave.  I like the Britney impersonator though too.  Dang, I like several of them.  Hate Nurse screamer more every time I see her.  Brooke White is so dang cute.  Kristy Lee Cook had some googly eyes and now we come to AMY Davis.  The first girl that will be on the chopper tonite.  Trust me.  I loves the little Filipino girl..she is stunningly beautiful.  Like a little Eva Longoria.  Carly sort of bugs me a bit.  Greg says she has funny chompers.   

Well, I'm 2 for 2.  Ok, the other girl that has to go...mmm.  There is a chance that Kady and Alaina split the blond beauty votes.  Oh, bloop bloop bloop she's singing.  This is the biggest flaw in this show.  a.  They sucked so they didn't get votes.  b.  they are devastated c.  sounds like a good idea to make these sucky devastated people sing OUT the song they sucked on???  Why?  

OMG they are showing Paula's video.  OMG, NO WAY.  THIS IS GOING TO BE PAINFUL.  I FEEL IT.  I see alot of Janet Jackson in this.  You know, she is pretty some times.  Randy looks hot with that guitar.  I like him.  He's totally pimpin' for paula.  Sounds like a fundraiser.  Pimpin' for Pauler.  LOL   I cracked myself up on that one.  The funny thing is I don't really hear any guitar rips in this song.  It's techno junk.  What is he exactly playing?  

Ok, gotta pick the other girl.  I think it would be the Black girl that had the peace earring in?  Or plus size model?  I hope it's not Britney imitator.  Could be though.  Ok, I'm going for Plus Size Model.  OH<>

Moon River is next to go.  Oh boy, I told you Colton was going.  The red head geekster.   Greg is taking Chicheesy.   Colton is out.  I got that one.  WHY are we seeing the dumb friends and parents tonite?   Colton is crying?  How is he going to sing out?  Greg says Chikezie's balls are sweatin'.  Sorry, but he did.  Chikezie is wiping the sweat off his forehead.  I told you he yells at the tv.  

Colton, the bra strap pants were your downfall.   Oh, those crybaby girls are swoonin' over him.  In 3 weeks they will not remember what his name was.  Trust me, I will be posting on this blog one month from now and I will not even remember he was on this show.  I'll remind you.  You'll see it and believe it.

bye now. 

Girly Girl Night

Blah Blah Blah...bring it on.

• Kristy Lee Cook - I really liked her, but boring....
• Joanne - Nice.  pretty good.  Song choices are bugging me so far
• Blondie Carrie Girl - OMG, I expected nothing and got AWESOME...that was awesome.  She killed it.
• Rocker Nurse - that shit did not fly for me.  Look, it's not American Scat Idol.  She's like a cross between vampira and goth rocker.  I don' t know.  She was sportin' half a Winehouse hairdo...but she does still look a little bit like Kelly Clarkson.  She's cute, they gave her a pass.  She better learn how to sing a sweet song that shows her vocals.  Because last time I put my radio on "seek" it didn't stop on nothin' that sounds like that chick.
• Amy Davis - Ok, this girl has to learn not to use the brown eyeshadow...the same shade as the color of the circles under her eyes.  She looks like a heroin addict that's been up on a bender.  Batter up...to Miss pitchy.  Maybe she is one of the flu victims.  She sux.  Dawg, that was not good for me at all, yikes.  bloop bloop bloop (3 bloops is super fforward for those not familiar with TIVO.)  Randy:  I didn't think it wasn't great, and here's why.  Duh, well, because it was bad...the opposite of great.  Pauler gave her a pretty girl pitch, and Simon was just ready to let it go and then pulled the Cabaret comment.  The girl does look a bit like Teri Hatcher.   Shut up Simon.
• Brooke Rated R Movie chick - I like her music choice.  She's really pretty, and she can sing...but she is just not gritty enough for me.  She tries the sex kitten moves and I just can't buy it.  Is it possible to be too nice?  Of course, I wouldn't know.  But jeepers, she's like freakin' Mary Poppins.   Oh, Pauler, did you overdose on Zoloft tonite?  Cut back on the freakin' Zen poppers and stop being such a therapist.  Simon hates Happy Meals.  Wow, I think I just found out I am more like Simon than Randy.  I can't believe it.  I don't like happy either.  Now I am sad.  I don't like happy.  I think I better go find some chocolate and lift my spirits.  

Side bar:  I am really struggling finding a happy spot right now.  I don't have a vacation scheduled for 5 weeks.  I am going to Texas and I have not yet allowed myself to get excited.   I guess I need to do something like start to pack...ha ha. In the meantime, I need something fun, and this show, so far ain't cutting the mustard.  

• Alexandra Lush...- My mom used to tell me the Painted Pony song was about drugs and I couldn't listen to it.  Funny, my mom thought if it wasn't the Carpenters, Barbra Streisand or Willie Nelson, it was shit.  OH, that girl...she was great.  She blew the doors off that Blood, Sweat and Tears.  Cowell, he didn't get it.  OMG, he was off on that one.  These horrible little shows you see...in your head you goofball.  Bloop, Bloop, Bloop
  
• Kady Malloy - OMG, she pulls out a Britney impression.  This girl is my girl.  DONE.  Kady is my groovy kind of girl.  She's the full package you cannot deny.  She made that song her own arrangement.  It was hot.  She really turned it into her thing...that showcased her vocals.  I can't wait to see her do another song.  Who is that guy in the audience?  Talk about someone that needs to lighten up.  Simon...Even Randy tells Ryan to step in to shut him up.  Since when did it become a "fun girl" competition.  She's not a fucking Budweiser girl at the boat show for fuck's sake.  I think they were totally hateful to her.  My brilliant hubby said, "That chick is a tomboy and she is uncomfortable in that stupid dress.  She needs a tshirt and jeans and she will be fine."  Ok, people, can you believe how into this shit my husband is?  He digs this show so much.  He yells at the tv like he is watching Nascar.  Hysterical.  I wish I could tape it sometime and play for you.   
• Asia - I love her.  She was awesome in Hwood week.  She's a little fireball.  I know she would be able to stand her own against anything.  I wish Janis Joplin were alive to keep her songs off this show.  Man, I'm tired of her.  nice job Asia.
• Ramiele, Little Filipino Chick...tonite's female version of Moon River.  She better kick this song in it's ass.  Ok, she's kicking it in.  Winding it up at the end.  Thank goodness.  What's with the grey stretch pants?  She's sort of dressed like Peg Bundy.   Pauler's hair is overprocessed flat tonite.  Simey was a little bit impressed with her.  Out sung them all tonite so far.  Well, Irish Kelly hasn't come up yet.  They saved her for last.  I know it.  The best is last, just like last night.
• Seyesha Mercado - She's got pipes.  I hate the song.  whatevs.  She'll make it through, no prob.  That last note was a little wobbly for me.  I'm getting tired.  Terrific though.
• Irish Kelly Carly Smithson - Greg calls her 'sleeper cell record contract chick'.  What the hell are these people thinking with these song choices.  She's sort of screaming this a bit, and I think her nerves have sort of gotten her, because she sort of forgot the song words at one point I think.  Like reality hit her, and boom, she blips.  Oh, she was sick.  That's sad.  Did you see her dad?  He was freakin's spooky.  Simon didn't get it.  He hated this song, and the buzz about her.  Way to old fashion and her mike technique.  

Ok, so I give this battle of the boys vs. girls...I give it to the girls.  I think.  It's too early.  But I do think I like some of the girls more than the boys.  I don't know.  I'm tired.   As for the whole enchilada...I say that it is the best talent of the 7 seasons so far.  I really do.  But, Amanda Overmyer Nurse chick has just sang her last song, as has Amy Davis.  Bye now.

The Class of 24: IDOL 3 Nights this Week

Here they are....and we've got the boys tonite.

Hey, I heard why we haven't seen a couple of the people sing. They couldn't get clearance from the Gnarls Barkley artist for the one song, so the guy's audition was cut from the show. Simon said it was one of the top 5 performances. So, most assuredly, the dreadlock dude from Texas is going to bring it! And he grew up in my seester's town, so she is biased now, to say the least.

So, let's just see how's they do...

Up first...
The line up tells me a couple of things...that Danny Noriega guy is too gay. Yes, it's possible. He's just so silly.

• Garrett Haley...White Snake called and the auditions for a new lead singer are tomorrow night. What's up with that fucking hair dude? I'm not sure if you are a Peter Frampton throwback or just a little stoner. 
• 1st guy, David Hernandez...he was great. Hate that song. Not bad though..it was aw-right.
  
• Chekezie...nice tangerine suit dude, nah. Nice sound but he's a little goofy for me. Oooh, attitude will not win you friends with Simey.
  
• David Cook..bartender singer makes a good song choice. Glad he ditched the pink streak in the hair. Well, he keeps hitting a few notes off, rushed it a bit...but otherwise he is really good on the stage. Moves around like Bo and Chris. I give him mad props for rocking that song out. 
  
• Moon River?  My MiMi used to make me play that on the piano.  Jason Yeager...that's just about a milktoast song...not what you want out of the box.  I don't care if you had a choice of singing from the 60s, sing something a 20 year old sang in 1960, nutso.  I'm putting him on the short list...he might be out.  Two are going on Weds.   OMG, he and Pauler share a moment of grandmas and ballet recitals to that song.  OH, Jeffro...you called it...Simey pulled out a Cruise ship performance comment.  Now he is a dependable sheepdog.  We haven't heard that one before.  Thank God the music shut them down.  This is how they are stretching this shit to 2 hours tonite.  
• Robbie Carrico...I know we shouldn't think it, but I can't get past the Bret Michaels bandanna.  Your channeling the Rock of Love, baby.  But you're a good singer, so I'll let it go.  Nice job.  OMG, he does look like JTimberlake, a bit.  He opened for Britney it says.  What is that about.
• David Archuleta...oh I loves this guy.  BUT I HATE YOUR SONG CHOICE.  Dude, it's a song a girl sings.  Dang, he's singing it though...He has a really mature voice for a little dude.  Wow, we rocked it at the end.  no shit.  Can you hear the crowd?  All those little crazy bitches are dialing for david now.  My husband thinks he's almost a little touched.  I'm only 17 he says.  But the ladies love you.  I'm gonna go out now and say we will be seeing my little buddy for quite some time....and that's not a tough call, I know.  Didn't I already say this once though?
• Danny Noriega - he is out on Thursday, so you better get your look at him now.  He's just too much for me...Oh Fuck...this dude came to play.  He's got some Elvis blood in him.  I take it back...he might be the real deal.  He hasn't missed a word or note yet.  Oh no, now he brings the fruitloop surprise to it.  "Oh, I'm gonna bring down the house everywhere I go..."  Oh brother.  Just keep your mouth shut.  Simon said it was verging on grotesque. OMG, he hated it.  Simon is really a little whack on this one.  Why is he going off on this so strongly.  It's not the fucking finals.  I ain't listening ...click click bloop bloop Tivo
• Luke Menard:  now why would you say you are a carpet cleaner?  Make up something else.  In fact, I'd rather be a bail bondsman that clean cat pee out of people's rugs for a living.  He's a hottie.  Go sling drinks dude.  I like this song...and he's doing a decent job.  Maybe he's out of the carpet steaming biz now.  He reminds me of Dylan on Beverly Hills 90210.  Luke ???  I can't remember.  Luke....oh, Perry.  It was alright, but not really memorable.  Don't turn in that Stanley Steemer card just yet.  Oh, I hate it when Simon copies me.  He's right...not memorable.
• Colton Barry...now this dude reminds me of Boris Becker, the tennis player.  Wow, he has like white eyelashes.  What the fuck is hanging off his pants?  He pants look like they have bra straps.  They are suspenders, but they look stupid.  And he has a George Costanza wallet.  WTF. Ehhh.  It was not good for me, Opie.  Back to Mayberry you go.  OH, SIMON, you are pulling out your Cruella Cru-owell too early in the season.  He's like pissed off he hated that so much.  Lord, get over it.  Bloop Bloop.

KELLY Clarkson is a snake cobra charmer commercial for Vitamin Water.  AWESOME, yet stupid.  She can't help it...she is victim to writer's strike. 

• Garrett hairboy...oh, I called that one.  I LOVE THIS SONG>  don't fuck it up.  Breaking Up Is Hard to Do...Neil Sedaka.   The Barry Manilow of the 60s.  Dude you need to move a bit.  Shake it up...a tiny bit.  He's stared in the same camera for the whole song.   It was a solid performance, albeit a little Boooorrrriiinnngggg.  Snoozy.  Randy agrees with me.  Onto the short list for Garrett.  Although the girls are going to vote for him...that the dad of the little boy in the crowd.  Simon picks on him for being pale.  WTF, you need some fresh air.  Simon is the grim reaper tonite.  He is nailing a coffin shut on a few of these.
• Jason Castro...the guy who lives near my Seester.  This guy has bee-you tiful eyes.  I really love him and his perfect teeth.    It was just a little bit hokey, but so was the song.  It was good though.  It was cute.  But not bustin' out for me.  Cute though.  I want to see more of him before I believe he's the best.  This dude has like Heidi Klum skin.  It's like perfect.  Wow...Simey gives him a top 2 performances of the night.  
• Michael Johns is next.  Well, if all my friends are right, they saved the best for last.  Yep, Ryan even says it.  He kinds of looks like Jim Morrison to me.  OMG, he pulls out The Doors...he's killer good.  People, I think he's going to be a tough guy to beat.  The little chicks won't vote for him.  But the chicks in my demo will.  4 sho.

Well,  here's a few other thoughts.  Is Simon joining the Marines? He has a damn jarhead haircut. Even a little knick above his left ear. It's weird.

Luke Skywalker, Garrett Hairboy or Moon River are out.  I wish it was Danny Noriega, but I think he was ok enough to stay.

The Story of a Good Samaritan White Supremist and Slim the Pig

SO, I WENT ON A BLACKOUT THIS WEEKEND...Forgot to tell you I was highway bound...And here's a recap of my latest adventure...

It seems, all I have to do is interact with society and something crazy comes my way. This weekend, I drove 1,605 miles. Hubby and I road tripped to Phoenix AZ. We drove from 1 hour north of San Francisco to Scottsdale, AZ. No, we did not mess up and think we were going to sneak into the SuperBowl but got the date wrong. We went to pick up a boat. Yes, our 30 year old boat has been replaced with a 2 year old. So, road weary on Sunday evening, we are into the last 50 miles of that leg and some lady in a Mercedes pulls up next to us, puts on her caution lights and motions us to pull over. And at that very second a Rest Stop exit sign pops up. I shout..."REST STOP", and he swings the rig in...

We have a flat tire on the trailer. Mind you, there are 6 tires on the trailer and 6 tires on the dually truck. 12 tires...the odds are pretty good we could get a flat, for fucks sake. And my hubby announces that he has NO TOOLS in the truck to fix a flat tire. NICE ONE. We are driving a dually truck that would pull hell off it's hinges, and has every gadget and power booster installed on it, but he doesn't bring so much as a toothpick to change a tire. So, instead of blowing a gasket (cause we don't have tools to fix that either), I say, well, I'm going to pee and you go talk to the 18-wheeler drivers and get tools from them. I head off to the pee hut, and as I am washing my hands I read a letter posted on the wall..."Please, if you can help, there is a lady who lives in this rest stop with a pig. She is displaced from Hurricane Katrina and lives in her van with a pig in this parking lot. She is too proud to beg, but if you could help her, even give her some food for the pig, it would be nice. She will not beg."So, I think...well, I have $3.00 in my pocket and a slice of pizza from the last gas stop, so what the hell, and I'd love to take a picture of the pig for the blog. (insert pig photo here) I go to meet the pig and her owner, and she rejects the food, but takes the money. And also, looks at me puzzled and says...."How did you know I am homeless???" I said, "From the letter posted in the bathroom." She blew a gasket. She screamed, "What??? I am so embarrassed, what letter in the bathroom?" And she grabs my sleeve and makes me come show her the letter. She is distraught, and bummed. I said, "Hey, listen, you are homeless, and that's OK. (I sort of said it like Stuart Smalley. LOL) "If you take the sign down, people can't know to help you." And she said, "Well they will think I wrote it, and I don't beg." I said, ok, do whatever you think is best for you and Slim (pig's name). Well, she hugged and thanked me and asked me to come pet the pig. (yuk...it's fur is like barbed wire). I pretended to pet it, and was glad I had closed toe shoes on for that oinker would assuredly have mistaken my red toenails as jelly beans and chewed my little toes right off. He was mean as hell, Slim was, and so, I bid him adieu.

Back to the flat tire. Hubby has found a man looking for gas money and struck a deal with him. For some cash, he is crawling around on the ground and changing our tire with his tools. So, I busy myself by straightening up the cab of the truck, sorting out soda cans and water bottles...there was a man collecting them for recycling...I'll go find him and add to his pile. So, off I go. Here comes pig lady. She wants to chat some more and introduce me to her friend from the trailer park behind the Rest Stop. (I cannot make this shit up.) Then Greg yells at me to come on..he's done. So, I run back, and pass the guy who fixed our tire..."Excuse me sir, do you recycle?" He looks at me with this stupid look..."NO"...and I am sort of like...um, scared. So I ditch the trash and run. I get in the truck and the conversation goes as follows...

G: "Well, as White Supremist Prison Escapees go, he was pretty nice, huh?"
Cole:"What??? How do you know he was a White Supremist? How do you know he escaped?"
G: "Cole, he couldn't squeeze another swaztika tattoo on his arm or neck...didn't you see those? And he had the tear tattoos. That M'fkr was straight out of the pen...for murder with those tears tattoo'd on his cheeks."
Cole: "Tear tattoos. What does that mean. And how do they get tattoos in prison."
G: "With ink pens and forks and shit. They break the skin and drip the ink into it. "
Cole: "OMG, how do you know this shit. OMG, he's going to follow us and chop us up."
G: "No he's not, he called me an angel. And he gave me the secret white supremist murderer special handshake goodbye"
Cole: "Well, that explains why he doesn't recycle"

So, that was that, and on down the road we went. If you are ever on the I-10 from Palm Springs, stop in the rest stop at Cherry Lane outside Beaumont, CA and say hi to Slim.

ColeyB

Let the controversy and conspiracy theories begin...

Well, I wrote this last night and have slept on it, so here's my post...


Tonite I got a comment from one of you, asking if I would vote for Carly if I knew she already had a record label deal and it went south. And Michael Johns did as well... and my gut reaction is...hell yes I would mind. But, who are we kidding people? You don't just pop out of bed one day and discover you can sing. Some people think that's how it works, but they are back at their day jobs delivering mail, and manicuring nails, after Idol rejected them months ago.

Yes, Kelly Clarkson was a waitress...but her friends had seen her sing in public and urged her to try out. They knew she had talent...and it was her dream. Carrie...she was a student, but had competed in beauty pageants with singing as her talent. And it seems some had gotten further. Carly had a deal...I just saw the video on Yahoo! So, I guess one might say she had an advantage. But really, EVERYONE here is kidding themselves if they don't think this is a popularity contest as well. If she comes off as bitchy or dumb or just all around lifeless, she will go the way of other talented souls before her. Tamyra Gray, Kimberly Locke, Chris Daughtry (4th place remember), Jennifer Hudson. These were very talented singers and did not win the Idol crown.

Another point...so she got a record deal. A record deal doesn't mean anything if the music isn't there and there isn't any promotion behind it. Case in point: Kelly Clarkson's My December. Pure talent...crap promotion...no tour...bad press...odd song choices. Carly's record deal had a reported promotion of 2 million dollars. You know what that buys you in the top 20 music markets in terms of media. A stick of gum. That's nothing. She probably got no interviews, online press...all the mainstream ways that music is promoted now, etc. To address whether she is a Clive Davis plant...well, do you really think he thinks he can't launch new talent anymore without Idol? Does he really need to plant talent? Miley Cyrus was never on Idol.

Bottom line: Let America be the judge on whether she deserves a record deal.

On to the conspiracy theories...do I believe there is talented planted to boost the music industry and the ratings on the show? Mmm...yes and no. Yes, I do believe that they up'd the ante on the talent because they are trying to thwart the evil efforts of Howard Stern and the web "vote for the worst" a=holes out there. In short...we don't want a Sanjaya. However, didn't Sanjaya bring them more PR than EVER before? That shit sells. So, no, I don't think the show it completedly rigged, but yes, I do think they manipulate the deck of cards they deal us.

And as for Michael Johns the Queen singer. I cannot believe the BUZZ he has. Even my boss wrote me an email about it. He doesn't even care about AI, my blog, or anything stupid like this. But his wife is salivating over Queenie, and my boss confessed to a man crush. OMG LOL. I have to say, I'm going back and watching that audition again. I am just not that into him. Maybe he will grow on me. Maybe I need to grow up. I like a few of the other boys more. For me, it's about the ladies this year. I like alot of their talent more.

And finally, I don't think we have even begun to scratch the surface of this 24 yet. There are cards in this deck that have not been dealt to us, if I am keeping with the card metaphor. Those 24 people dancing around...I don't even remember their names, or their auditions. It's because they didn't want us to, for whatever reason. And I promise you, we aren't going to have the mentors this season, and we are going to get to know these people alot better. And the popularity contest part of this will kick in heavily. The hometown votes are really critical at the end. Carly is from where? Queenie? They better be drumming up support down at the local Dairy Queen, like they are running for Mayor.

Nighty nite

TMZ.com should be ashamed...

Ok, so they say that David is a liar, because he knew he had talent... Um hello tmz? He was being humble. I know it's a trait not easily recognized by scum of Hollywood, since it is rarely displayed by the celebrity of today. But I find him a refreshing character, and one not likely to be seen in a fucking mugshot next week on your skimy website.

Oh, did I mention how much I hate TMZ and their trend towards playing loose with the facts? I mean, Hollywood has enough drama, we don't need shit to be made up, for god sake.

Here's the link I found on "young David" and his display of talent...


http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid285859616/bclid294430730/bctid1418511551

Hello...Here's the last 10 minutes of the show that got cut off

Thank God for YouTube and Chris for helping me figure out how to embed video onto the blog. Me not so techy savvy, but once I learn something, I tend not to forget. STay tuned for video of my cats bathing in the sun, and my grass growing.

I realize it was Fox's fault for running the show late, but the people at TIVO should be sitting there with a trigger finger, and keep the damn thing recording until we see no more Ryan or Simey. It's as simple as that. So, enjoy the Top 24 dance off.

And thanks for all the fun comments from last night's post. We got ourselves a SHOW people!!!

Coley

Well, it 24 time...and NO Jack Bauer doesn't count this one down

First off, I have to say, Ryan Rather should shoot someone in the head for making him perform that stupid ass opening. What the hell was that shitfest of an opening. What did the sandwich have to do with anything? Hayden Christiansen and the desert...who the hell is he anyway. I've seen better skits by my 4th grade drama club. Gawd-awful.

Ok, there are only a few I really care about tonite...

Irish Kelly (Carly is her name)
Rate R Movie Girl, Brooke the Nanny
David DayDee, now known as HottieBoy
Rocker Nurse
Asia
CryBaby CarBoy
Farm Chick Kristy Lee, now known as Felicity

Pauler is such a bitch. She is dragging out out Carly, and that was ludicrous. YIPPY SKIPPY, she is in! Simon loves her...he kissed her head! Simon said you tortured her. I think she might be one of my top favorites. She's Irish Kelly. I love her, more than any other boy. I can't really remember any guy but DayDee/David. My husband is picking David as the winner, right now. Or, to quote him...that Fucker is going to Win this Thing. This kid has a future...I swear I will be buying his shit. I know it.

Oh SNAP, I just saw the trailer for JUMPER. I should have known they pimped Ryan out to promote a movie with Hayden Christiansen. Jumper... I hate Fox. If this show was on a network with integrity, it might be different.

So far, all my faves are in. Kristy Lee Cook reminds me of Felicity...my ALL TIME FAVORITE chickflik show. So, she will now be known as Felicity.

Lord these people are crying buckets...are they pepper spraying them in that elevator? What is going on here? Were they all told a relative died in a car crash...seems to be a theme? God, this is awful. Nanny Girl almost has a nervous breakdown...I think she peed the seat.

Ok, Danny with the shag hairdo reminds me of Florence Henderson...aka Mrs. Brady. So, he's in and now is known as Brady. These other ones are not special because we don't even see them, and have never even seen some of them sing. This little Asian girl...remember her wanting to be the first little Asian chick to go.

BTW, what the hell is up with that fat bun on the side of Pauler's head? It's like half a StarWars wig. Pork bun Pauler.

Ok, back to Ramiele..she's in. We are calling her Sweet Thing. Next up...wrecked voice chick. She's gotta be in. She has a really nice voice. I'm not feeling her enough yet to give her a name. I bet they save CryBaby CarBoy for the end. Ok, here's my seester's favorite...Queen singer, Michael Johns. If he's in, we will call him Queenie. And Queenie it IS. Yea Seester...even though you are a lesbian, you now have a boy to have a crush on...LOL

OK, voice challenged girl is going to be called Flash (short for flash cards!) Listen if she doesn't make it, she could replace Tyra Tanks on America's Top Model. OMG, that was so funny,,,I accidentally typed Tanks. Not Banks..but thinking about her big ass attitude, I'd say Tanks is fitting. Oh, that Robbie guy is in.

OH< after the break is CryBaby CarBoy. It's 5:00 pm now. Garrett Haley and Cady Malloy. Amy Davis Alaina Whitaker. Lots of them in a row. Kinda crazy. Asia Epherson...come on, it's the car wreck thing again. Oh man, let her win on her talent, not because everyone feels sorry for her. Let the girl SANG it. Bring it and Sing It Girl. She's one of my FAVES. I even want to buy that song "I'm Going Down". She even has performance down already,. David Hernandez was great. Come on. It had to be unanimous. You fools. Just put him through Randy. Rat Bastard. And back in the pepper spray booth, they break into more tears.

Today is CryBaby's most important day of his life. Now, it could be because his car was towed...thus he is homeless, or he realizes that the week's of free food and hotel rooms will go along way for a roof over his head. Ok, look, we've watched 6 seasons of this shit. And they killed him. He's homeless again. I have to say, I'm sort of glad he's gone, because I was going to have to go on fucking valium to watch him each week. Really. Rip the bandaid off now. Dammit, it's a good thing he doesn't live near me, or he'd be sleeping in my guest bedroom for the next year. I'd nurse him back to mental health like a little wounded bird. Oh, he is so crushed. Ryan, write him a check for fuck's sake. Atleast some gas money and KFC cash. Oh God, I can't stand it. Please get him off the screen. Hey, grab some of that free food off those tables on the way out. God I am a bitch. Bipolar too.
Down to 4 contestants. Now I hope not to speak insensitively and it's sort of hard to say this, but we are seriously missing in Black contestants this season. Did I miss seeing them? Is there like 1 Black guy in there? I remember reading somewhere that they had to really watch the Black Woman because they are such power ballad singers.

Simon wanted that GEEK to go through. Simey, you can vote for him for President one day. Oh wait, you can't cuz your Britishish. I have to admit I was looking forward to that hair getting cut. What a nice boy. Down to the final 2 girls. Oh, here's the Black girl ballad singer. And the girl that moved to Nashville to make it. That other girl sux. She's pretty and has hot legs...but let's go for talent over leg length here. Carden could be a soap opera actress. She looks like Hunter Tylo. Oh Lord they are talking about how beautiful they are...I bet they keep them both. Not really. Bye Bye Carden. Maybe you can open up for Kellie Pickler. Off you both go to the Pepper Spray Vator.

Hey Who is Luke Menard????

FUCK Tivo cut off the show. I HATE TIVO. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sorry, but I'm so pissed. Idon't hav ethe list of the girls. dammit. I have to go throw up now.

Well, I'll look at it tomorrow at the website.

So, that was fun. I'm sort of sad about CryBaby CarBoy. I hope he doesn't read this because my husband said we can't adopt him like a stray cat. But I would. I always give little kids money at the store. My husband hates it. He says I am acting like a crazy lady. Sometimes I throw pennies down on the ground so they can find them. I love it when they laugh. It's more fun that tipping the Starbucks barrista that eyeballs me when I ask for extra milk fat. I'm still not over that shit.

Talk to ME!!!!

I thought I would do a little summary of my nicknames so far for the people, and I will do that after tonite, when they weed out the no talent scum (is there any left, really?). But I want to ask you to send in names as well.

Also, someone left a comment today signed NJ Fan...and that just made my day. I love that someone 3 time zones away reads the blog and is having fun with us. So, I urge everyone to sign their comments with location...so we know where we all are from.
Little secret to share...I have software that tells me where people log on from to my blog. It's totally private..I can't find you if I wanted to (Jeffro, don't worry), but it is fun to see all the little color dots all over the United States, and super cool when someone from foreign lands is on. Zimbabwe did log in a bit ago. Fun stuff that makes me smile. And you know what my husband always says, "When Coley's happy, everyone's happy". I don't have to explain the alternative do I?

More on last night's Idol...

Hey, Seester has sent me an email with a little recap from THE HUFFINGTON POST...and I see that Arianna saw the Ryan Rather journalist a little like I did...too serious for the love of pete.

Here's the Post...:
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It's Hollywood Week on "American Idol" and things are getting strange With the show's non-stop death talk, Ryan Seacrest's contestant coverage, and the mysterious blue tongues, viewers had a lot to take in Tuesday night.

Tuesday night featured an excessive amount of war-related metaphors Everything was "do or die," contestants had to "sing for their life," and somehow a singing competition turned into a "bloodbath." I just hope the show has enough psychotherapists on hand to treat these brave warriors for possible PTSD We don't want them turning into killing machines when they get back from Hollywood.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1416570593http://www.brightcove.com/channel.jsp?channel=1178199204

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Yes, the drama was an all-time high. If you read the comments, it looks like we have unanimous vibes on a few things:

- my post was well received, "nice recap" comments are appreciated..thank you very much. Believe it or not, I was worried it was a bit lengthy. But then you guys call me out on leaving stuff out as well, so...2 hours takes about 10 paragraphs.

- my faves are everyone's faves. I can't take credit for being wise here. They are obvious choices.

- my sister sez I am sounding creepy about like DayDee Dave. Ok, so I am a bit too old to be jonesing over a 15 year old. But people need to understand that I don't lust after the male species in real life. I never, and I mean NEVER find other men attractive. I just don't. I find them more fun as friends than woman. And the fact that I am married to the cutest man EVER helps as well. But people on TV are different. Movie stars are different. They aren't real, per se. So, with that said, when I say DayDee is dreamy, it just means I think he groovy in so many good ways to win the competition. I see Reese Witherspoon's daughter and Heather Locklear's daughter swooning over him...like he's a Jr. Zac Efron (who I do not like btw).

- this is going to be the MOST talented group of contestants EVER. I mean, just think about it. Me and Seester were reminiscing about Nikki McGibben and Ryan Star from Season 1. And John Paul Stevens and that red head Sinatra singer dude. And Jasmine Trias and Jessica Sierra. I could go on and on. The only person still standing that is awful is Presidential. (He sang Josh Groban and they put him in the room with 2 girls and he freaked out...that's who I call Presidential because he plans to run for President one day...and all tryouts were wearing a necktie.)

Ok, more later.

FINALLY HOLLYWEIRD WEEK!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the real beginning of American Idol, Season 7. It's all uphill and off the hook from this point. We will most assuredly still see some duds, because you know that Dollywood girl is coming, 164 of those fools caught a plane to sing on this stage. And some of them, no doubt, did some stupid stuff during the past 3 months while awaiting their trip.

So, I am not going to comment on each person. I am telling you my picks for the Top 12 women and men and let's see how well I am at picking them.

Hey, so they open the show trying to scare the shit out of us. Did they forget our asses are on the couch eating spaghetti (atleast I am) and I ain't scared. And who are they kidding? I'm more scared of my mailman than Ryan Seacrest at his scariest. That tough guy act just tells me one thing...Ryan, don't quit this gig because you are not an Actor, my friend.
So, here we are...Ryan warns us, in his Dan Rather voice...for a brand new Hollywood Week, like we've never seen before. Ok, bring it.

Oh, the instruments are finally here. Now I'm sorry blogpound that I have been harping on that, but I love the instrumentage. It's essential for me. I don't like the karaoke effect, I like to hear some sound. So, I am being rewarded for my not so patient patience tonite. First up...oh, Miss Anti-Rated R movie. I really remember I liked her. I tried to call her on the phone a couple of times, but that rude restraining order put an end to that. Can you blame me for trying to get BFFish with a potential gazillionaire like Carrie Underwood? I mean, if you were on Carrie's season, wouldn't you be kicking your own ASS for not BFF'ing her? I would and I am...I could have hopped a plane to Chekotah and showed up at church before she got all famous. Hindsite is 20/20.

FYI, for those that are surprised that I am not jumping for joy over the end of writer's strike...it ain't over until the Fat Lady sings, or until Ugly Betty is back on air with a new episode.

DAVID Hernandez will be in the final 12. guaranteed. So will Rockin'Roll Nurse. But she will have trouble with theme weeks. she is so distinctive. Not sure if she is Pop Idol...it's so unique but so Janis Joplin. And Simon is right, she is going to sound the same, even if she is singing the alphabet song. Aaaayaaa Beeeyaeeeyaeee...Ceeeyaeeeyaeeee.

Buck Smith, now where the hell did this MO Ron come from. I can sing that damn song and I'm not trying out. FROZEN brains can't remember the lyrics. Caleb the Pauler Mauler is back. Gigolo? I don't think so. Greasy Spooner Valenzueler fool is who he is. He speaks 4 languages..skime, slime, loser, and cheeser. And by the way, he can't sing 4 languages, or even one for that matter. Bye now, you cheeze baller. And Bryan Adams is waiting in the hallway to kick your ass for murdering his song. OMG Simon said the same thing...which was cool because my hubby said that it wasn't a Bryan Adams song. ha! Man, I love it when me and Simon are in Sync. Simey and Coley. What a pair. I can dream can't I?

AFter the commercial, we have CryBaby CarBoy. Oh, please don't make me sad already. Jo-sigh-yah...Why ya gotta make me cry-ah? Pleeze Jo-Sigh-Yah, suck it up boy...grow a pair and bust it out-yo! Where ever the wind blows is where he goes. NOW, he says he has made every mistake a guy could make in the past year...look at him...like what, take 2 mints while exiting a restaurant? TOP 12 -her. I LOVE HIM. LOVE HIM LOVE HIM. Ok enuf.
Ok, this little dude don't match his voice, but he's through. CARLY, I LOVE HER , the Irish girl, Top 12 er. Hint, don't eat blue mints before you sing. I like the Doors music coming out. I liked him alot.

WHAT THE FUCK IS KUNG FOO PANDA? Jack Black on panda crack. OMG. My hubs is singing "Everybody was kung fu fighting, everything was fast as lightening...hysterical"

David Cook is singing Bryan Adams the right way. But I can't even see him singing as well as Daughtry. No way. And I'm sorry people but it is impossible for me not to compare these people to Chris and Carrie...even though they are megastars now.
OH, that Presidential politician dude from Dallas is in Hollywood. You know, he reminds me of Owen Wilson. But Owen probably sings better...in the shower. Little corny Pauler? It was awful. And Simon can't even listen to Pauler's bullshit, throws a fit and storms out. Honestly, he probably just needs to go take a poo-poo.

And now Ryan warns us about the most VICIOUS voting rounds ever. How's that Ryan? Are you going to make them all reach into a tank of piranhas for a golden ticket? OH, Acapella or out. Brutal. In or Out. Ripping the band aid off. Good luck it's do or die. Amy has a voice coach. I hate that girl cheerleader fool. She's a brat. Suzanne Toon was good. Perrie was not. He moves around too much and I hate the gangster look. This ain't Oakland dude. So, the parents are out. I do think Suzanne was the judges first mistake. And you know, we never have seen those 2 that got put through. Oh, here's the dang girl. She has craZy eyes. Ok Amy you should fire that girl coach. I don't like you. Goodbye Jasmine Trias girl. Oh, no, they had her step forward. Oh good. Bye Amy. over rehearsed and over confident. Now go eat some french toast and get over it. You 16 year old going on 40.
Ryan puts on his Dan Rather voice again and informs us that 40 out of 44 have been sent home. Say it isn't so Ryan. OMG, that's more than 50% like the judges promised. Will there be anyone left to sing the rest of the season. I think someone has to stop this madness. They are ruining the show Ryan. Ok, more after the break. and after I wipe this melted chocolate chip off my keyboard. God it is hard to type and eat candy. Don't try that at home kids.
Ryan Rather is back. You can literally hear a pin drop. Each and every one of you...it's the end of the road. Angelica Puente...omg, not her. And the car accident girl. Wow, that's not good. Kristy Lee Cook, the farmer girl from Oregon. I loved her, and she didn't make through the first time? WTF? Oh boy the chubby chunks of love siblings. Look, facts are facts. We already had Rueben. That's it. We seen it, dawg. Ryan Rather is rispering now. Ryan has many voices, including multiples in his head I'm sure. Oh, now the girl who's daddy died. My husband said this is the year of the car accident. OMG, that girl has a baby. Oh, I love this Bill Withers song. Lovely Day. OMG< the presidential and chubbers are through? Kristy Lee Cook goes through. Angela goes home to her daughter, which is where she belongs. Jeffrey is going to croke with happiness.

Oh, this is excellent, they are cutting to the bone on this shit, and getting the crappos out.

Have you seen the add for Defintely, Maybe? They intro it by saying "From the makers of Love Actually, Notting HIll, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and Bridget Jones Diary, comes ...blah blah blah. Ok, so why didn't they say "You like all those Hugh Grant Movies, then you'll love this one. And by the way, these are some spectacular movies. I already give this movie 4 thumbs up. I love Ryan Reynolds even though I confuse him with Ryan Gosling quite often. Ok, these people practicing look like of weird practicing like they are Mariah or something. So funny.

Can you believe it, we will be cut to the top 24 at the end of this show. I'm so freaking nervous, I can't even type. Ryan Rather has me flipping the fuck out. Kidding. Hey, look it's my guy, DayDee!!! Ok, if Presidential doesn't get cut today, I know this is rigged. If they aren't careful, he will be this season's, dare I type it, Sanjaya? Oh, my little DayDee is such a little hottie-to-be. They are going to jack his shit up when he gets to the top 12 boy lineup, and he's going to the final 10 atleast, mark my words. What's his name, besides my little DayDee. Oh, Randy loves him too. I can't wait to see him sing a John Mayer song. He's young, likeable good looking and has a great voice. He's going to the big show, David Archuleta. He's the bomb-a-licious...It's vicious. Get him out of that t-shirt material and into some groovy clothes, whip that hair into an older look, and the girls will vote him through to the finals. Those little girls are going to just dial the Barbie nailpolish off their tiny little digits voting for him. Presidential can sing, but come ON, for the love of Clay Aiken, we got to get this out. He sang Josh Groban. Kyle is going to be our nerd of the lineup. Joining our past nerds...Anthony Federov, Sanjaya, Justin Guiarini, and you know the rest. This migraine man has a nice voice, but sad, he's out. Voice giving out. Listen, if you can't make it through HW week, you ain't gonna make it. So buck up girly girl. Look at that girl's legs. And she sings it out. Randy gives her a good blast of confidence. Great job Randy Rando. Pauler is so nice. Oh, I loves them. Sometimes you just want to hug them. Why do people sing Queen? I just don't get some of these song choices.

Carly Smithson, is going to have to go through, because she is one of my horses, for sure. Good song choice. I love her so much, she is going to be so cool to watch morph into a rocker hottie chick. She's my Kelly Clarkson girl. OMG, she is so good singing her little Irish heart out. Awesome lassy! 1,000,000% yes. Asia'h Eperson, pronounced Asia. What a good song and perfect for her. What is that song? She is terrific or Brilliant as Simey sez. Brook, the beauty queen, will be in, if for nothing else but ratings from the 12 - 21 year old demographic. OH, no she won't. She hit that note terribly. Bye now. Well, maybe not so quick. OMG< Pauler was mean for the first time EVER. And rightly so. I was so wrong. Pauler did her in. She was too pretty for Pauler. Oh, man, CryBaby Car Boy is gotta go now, at 3:30 am. Run through with the band didn't go well. OMG< puh leeze people, stop this drama. I love CryBaby CarBoy. Oh, JOE-SIGH-AH. The drama. This is just so built up, and now I am scared...done with my spaghetti, and I'm worried. He can't blow it. I feel for him. But listen, it's tv, and they did not build this up to slam him. Now how can they do it. Randy is going to be the meany now? Teensy wheensy a bit annoying and dismiss the band. And be really certain...and he lost a little bit of charm. Way over-confidence. OMG< CryBaby is going to have a nervous breakdown. And take me down with him. Ok, so that was really good. I have to say, I'm loving me some American Idol tonite. I really am.

One hour and 51 minutes into this, my fingers are bleeding and I only have 40% battery left. I haven't even had a drink of liquid in 2 hours, scarfed a bowl of spaghetti and a handful of chocolate chips (mine never make it to the cookie state..lOL) and I am exhausted. I have Carpel Tunnel from this show tonite.

Ok, so who are the top 24? Here's a few of my faves.

CryBaby Car Boy
Rate R Movie Girl
Asia
Kelly Farmgirl
Irish Girl
San Diego boy
Rocker chick
Throat Girl
Michael Johns
Black guy smoothy
DayDee David
FArm Boy

So, they have put it to 50 and now have to dump 26. Wow. And I totally believe that this will be the best season ever. I didn't see a Jasmine Trias or Jessica Sierra in the whole bunch. Not a Sanjaya yet, because I know Presidential is going home. PUHleeze. Don't give Howard Stern his person to vote for.

Ok, how'd I do Tink? Did you finish your coffee yet? Ok, get back to work. :)

Rehab Watch - Weekly Update

Like Sand through the Hourglass. These are the new Inmates in Rehab. (ok, that was lame, just think mysterious foreboding music...)

We have new classmates in Rehab kids.

- Kirsten Dunst. Alcohol.
- Pat O'Brien. Alcohol pervert who makes me sick and I wish something horribly embarrassing would happen to him, and make him go far away in shame.

So, Eva Mendes is out, on short term leave, to tend to personal issues in LA, before carpooling back to rehab with Kirsten.

Oh, and Britney's ok y'all. She is back at the dance studio, her first trip out of the house when she wasn't strapped to a gurney!

I swear I could not make this stuff up. It just is too insane.

Anyone watching the Grammy's tonite? I'm tivo'ing it.

xoxo-

cb

Isn't She Lovely? Our Carrie at tonite's Grammy Awards!!!

The loveliest one picks up yet another Grammy to add to her collection. I'm pretty sure she is now the most decorated Idol of all the winners...except the Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson, who will, in my opinion, never be topped. The Oscar trumps all other awards 4 sho.

I just realized decorated sounds like she is an army general, so let me correct...Carrie has the most award trophies of all the idols, hands down.

I can't wait to see Wino perform. I bet she doesn't even get through it.

Rolling Stone Puts Great American Tragedy on Cover

Here is an excerpt from the Rolling Stone cover story The Tragedy of Britney Spears:

A pop star at the mall is an eternal cause for happiness, especially on a Sunday afternoon in the Valley. One moment, shoppers in the Westfield Topanga mall are living in the real world, monotonously selecting a new shade of eye shadow or rubbing perfume on wrists, but upon the rapture of Britney Spears, they are giggling, laughing, orgasmic, already sharing their secret on cell phones. "Her legs are actually really skinny," an adolescent whispers into her Sidekick, as Britney beelines for the Betsey Johnson boutique, pseudo-punk designer of evening dresses and splashy heels worn to suburban high school proms. In person, Britney is shockingly beautiful — clear skin, ruby lips, a perfectly proportioned twenty-six-year-old porcelain doll with a nasty weave. She cuts through the crowd swiftly, the way she used to when 20,000 adoring fans mobbed her outside a concert, with her paparazzi boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, trailing behind. Only a few kids are in the store, a young girl with her brother and two blondes checking out fake-gold charm bracelets. Britney rifles the racks as the Cure's "Pictures of You" blasts into the airless pink boutique, grabbing a pink lace dress, a few tight black numbers and a frilly red crop top, the kind of shirt that Britney used to wear all the time at seventeen but isn't really appropriate for anyone over that age. Then she ducks into the dressing room with Ghalib. He emerges with her black Am Ex. The card won't go through, but they keep trying it. "Please," begs Ghalib, "get this done quickly." One of the girls runs to Britney's dressing room, explaining the situation through a pink gauze curtain. A wail emerges from the cubby — guttural, vile, the kind of base animalistic shriek only heard at a family member's deathbed. "Fuck these bitches," screams Britney, each word ringing out between sobs. "These idiots can't do anything right!" Ghalib dashes over to console her, but she's already spitting, growling, throwing a big bottle of soda on the floor so that it begins to spill underneath the curtain, and then she's got a box of tissues and is throwing them on top of the wet floor along with piles of discarded merchandise. A new card finally goes through, but by then Britney is out the door, leaving her shirt on the ground and replacing it with the red top. "Fuck you, fuck people, fuck, fuck, fuck," she keeps screaming, her face splotchy and red as she crosses the interminable mall floor, the crowd behind her growing larger and larger. "Leave us alone!" yells Ghalib. The siblings run after Britney to get a video to put up on YouTube, and some of the shopgirls run after her to hand off the merchandise she left behind, and there's an entire bridal party wearing yellow T-shirts who have pulled out camera phones too. A crush of managers in black shirts and gold name tags try to keep the peace, but the crowd running after Britney gets larger, and now the shopgirls have started to catch up to her, one of them slipping spectacularly in her platform shoes, grazing her elbow. She pulls herself up, mustering the strength to tap Britney's shoulder. "Um, I'm from the South too," she mumbles, "and I was wondering if I could get a picture with you for my little sister." Britney turns to Ghalib and grabs his arm. "I don't want her talking to me!" she screams. She whirls around and stares the girl deep in the eyes, her lips almost vibrating with anger. "I don't know who you think I am, bitch," she snarls, "but I'm not that person."

Lord that Sam is Satan in designer jeans. If you want to read more, go to Pink is the New Blog and read the full deposition from Lynn Spears about what went down that night of Britney's last lockdown at UCLA. First of all, I think that she is a spineless wimp of a woman. No Southern woman is going to let no Osama lowlife get in her face or hurt her baby. I'm not even a mom, but if anyone was treating my fucking cat like this, he would be speaking in a very high pitch voice with the imprint of my shoes on his balls. She should have clocked him with a fire poker and answered questions later.

Really, that guy won't be able to work at a Quicky Mart when they are done with him, hopefully. Sadly, I bet he has a bunch of her secrets he would sell to the pubs and will blackmail them. It's just a real life soap opera. Susan Lucci could play Lynn Spears, couldn't she? But they won't even have to create a Made for TV movie, because it's playing itself out on tv LIVE. Very sad indeed.

Girls Rock - See the Movie trailer below...

Got this from a friend at work via email. Looks like a really interesting project brought to film. And we love our woman rockers here on the blog. Looks like a cool movie worthy of spreading the word...and if you're in a market where it will be showing, check it out.


"GIRLS ROCK!" OPENS NATIONWIDE MARCH 7

NY, LA, San Francisco, Berkeley, Chicago, Portland and Seattle on Opening Weekend.

THE MOVIE (rated PG)

At Rock 'n' Roll Camp, girls ranging in age from eight to 18 are taught that it's OK to sweat like a pig, scream like a banshee, wail on their instruments with complete and utter abandon, and that "it is 100% okay to be exactly who you are." They are taught by indie rock chicks such as Carrie Brownstein from Sleater-Kinney various lessons of empowerment from self-defense to anger management. At the end of just one week, all the bands perform songs they've written with their new bandmates for over 700 people. "Girls Rock!" follows several campers: Laura, a Korean adoptee obsessed by death metal; Misty, who is emerging from a life of meth addiction and gang activity; Palace, whose heavy metal sneer belies her seven years, and Amelia, an eight-year-old who writes experimental rock songs about her dog Pipi. What happens to the girls as they are given a temporary reprieve from being sexualized, analyzed and pressured to conform is truly revolutionary.

THE TRAILER

http://www.girlsrockmovie.com/special/trailer

THE FILMMAKERS

"Girls Rock!" is truly a labor of love. During the three and a half years of production Shane King and Arne Johnson have mortgaged houses and cashed out retirements to finish their first film, while hundreds of others have come out of the woodwork to help make this film a reality.

HOW YOU CAN HELP!

Opening weekend will be crucial in the process of getting the word out about the camp's important work with girls. Every person who comes on March 7-9 will multiply exponentially the number of daughters, moms, dads, brothers and friends who get to see it. Movie theaters in smaller towns, where girls don't have as much access to alternatives, will only program "Girls Rock!' if they see it bringing in audiences on opening weekend. So please go yourself, bring friends, and help get out the word! Here are some tangible steps you can take:

*Take a group. Bring your class or workplace or other group. If you get a group of over 25 people, you'll get discounted tickets for everyone, and movie and camp schwag. Contact us at info@girlsrockmovie.com for more info.

*Spread the news. Tell all your friends in our March 7 cities—Seattle , San Francisco , Berkeley , Chicago , Los Angeles , Portland and New York —to go see "Girls Rock!" March 7-9. Pass along this email.

*Post on mailing lists. Put this email or your own pitch on all the news groups, mailing lists, newsletters, blogs, social networking sites and anything else you belong to on the web.

*Sign up on our website at www.girlsrockmovie.com and blog your thoughts about women, girls, music, culture. Help us build a community that will impact beyond the film!

*Put a poster up in your business. Email us your snail mail at info@girlsrockmovie.com and we'll send you one. They're big and movie-sized (like you'd see at a theater) and look fantastic.

The Last American Idol Audition Episode

Well, It seems only Tink cared that I didn't post a recap of the last audition night show. So, why do I write this thing????

For Tink, it seems.

So, I will persevere.

The show was actually my favorite one of all the audition nights. I loved me some of those cute little people. There were definitely some people that got a pass, like Dolly Parton chick. I hate that the previews to next week's show keep showing CarBoy crying alot in Hollywood. He breaks my heart. I just want to go down there and adopt him. He's so cute and innocent and they are just going to eat him alive, those Hollywood piranhas. Did you notice that when he came out the doors with his golden ticket there was NO ONE to run to and scream and cheer with. NO ONE, except Ryan and he just blew past him. Sad, so sad.

The girl that dates the 2 twins. What a bimbo. And those boys are laughing at her behind her back. OMG. I want her dog though. Greg says no-can-do-ski. That's no in Polish for those of you who aren't bilingualistic.

Raise your hand if you loves those E Trade commercials with the vomiting baby? I do!

So, just sitting here right now, before I start my work day, who stands out in my mind????

Biker chick nurse
Oregon farmer girl, Kelly
Cute guy with soul patch, glass blower
CarBoy
That one super skinny but soulful black girl
Girl who's dad died
That alternative Irish tattoo artist chick with the cool vibe and sound

And my favorite guy of all the bloopers...the one who scored the "red carpet reporter" gig in Phoenix. Or wherever they were. Omaha?? Anyway, he sort of looked like Will Ferrell, and he said he was about to explode and his happiness would rain down on everyone. Loved that. He was insane. No golden ticket but he still left with a dream satisfied.

And I played the new American Idol video game last night on Xbox, and hello? I got like 60,000 points, and 3 bonus crowd pleaser awards. They love me in "easy mode" singing Madonna's "Celebrate". Me and Sara Suki sang!

Well, can't wait to see HW week. Wouldn't it be funny if Britney showed up to audition? That would be so awesome. Like she would call Ryan up and ask for a sneak preview. And then just storm the stage and refused to leave until Simon "judged" her. ha ha. I would die to hear him say she was a trainwreck, pitchy, and don' quit your day job. Get back to terrorizing the Starbucks organization.

LOL

Psych Wards: Maybe not so bad afterall...

As we all know, celebrities are famous for blazing trails into new frontiers. That's what makes them famous. They seem to get to do things in normal life that some people can only dream of...

And then they changed...we learned that some people seem to choose the trail of "illicit and illegal activity" (think PeeWee Herman) or "just plain dumbass moves" (driving wrong way onto freeway on ramp ring a bell? White bronco chase?)

So, last summer we had alot of Rehab Vacations. Then some of the rehabbers had to pay the price on the outside and we saw a bunch spend time in the pokey after they sobered up...Keifer, Lindsay, Nicole and Paris...(and OJ, but he don't count 'cuz he's not a celeb anymore. Just a killer and you know it. Anyone know where Kato Kalin is? Just curious. Ok, FOCUS on the blog.)

And now, we seem to have a new "get away from it all" destination. The Psych Ward. Owen Wilson, Britney Spears in double time...with Dr. Phil and the whole crazy gang. (Tell me why that Alli Sims has to show up at all things Britney at 2:00 am? It's like they dial 911 and then dial Alli.) And Justin Chambers (Alex Korev from Grey's Anatomy) checked in this weekend for help with a Sleeping Disorder. And breaking news today is Designing Women's Delta Burke has checked herself in for Hoarding and compulsive disorders. Even Tony Soprano and Dr. Melfi were working it out on a weekly basis. What is all of this saying? Are we driving our celebrities nuts? Or are more celebs admitting they are nuts? Is nuts a non-pc term?

On a serious and somber note, perhaps if Heath Ledger had chosen to seek help for insomnia in a controlled environment, like Justin Chambers did, he might be alive today. Sad news that his overdose is now been ruled accidental due to toxic cocktail of prescribed medicine. Sleep deprivation has also been cited in Britney's final 3 days before being placed under UCLA's care.
I can't imagine what could make people think they need all these designer drugs to fall asleep. Aren't there some old Columbo episodes on in every tv market in America at 2:00 am? Surely everyone has fallen asleep to an infomercial or 2?

Weird stuff in that Hollywood. That's why I call it Hollyweird. Sad.

Hotlanta Auditions. I'm getting tired now.

Momma and Poppa Seacrest open up the show...right before Glass Man. The only contestant I've seen perform backwards, at the judges request. This does not bode well Joshua. I'd say his voice is weird...I hate him. Glass man with the demonic scary eyeballs. And they tell him to turnaround, and he thinks spin. Hysterical. So, ugh, Have I ever seen them debate on such weirdo and give him a gold ticket still? Queen is too weird for me. And then Simon brings in a Clay Aiken dig.

Dammit, didn't they tease us on the SuperBowl that this was the begining of Hollyweird week? I've lost touch. I really have to keep up with this stuff. If work wasn't so out of control I might get to waste more time surfin' like some of you. Jeffro!!!

Oh, my little Carrie...did you see her and yoiu know she was ignoring that nerdinsky two seats from her.

Ok, me and Pauler Abdul are balling our eyes out. I can't help but cry, but then I get so upset at exploitation. If we aren't careful, some of these whackos will start cutting the break lines of their parents cars just for the sympathy vote. I hope that came across as funny and not 'off color'. Hey, I have a funny one for yoiu. Today someone announced their resignation in our staff meeting, because he decided to go back to school. And one guy yelled over at him, "That's great, what grade?" fucking hysterical.

South Florida Fair Queen, she loves her some Simey, and she can sing. Imagine, at one time, dear Britney was a little Mouseketeer person like this.
If yoiu don't got no money take yoiur broke ass home chick wins the best in that montage. Or perhaps the Grammarwas...person that can't pronounce "l's". You are so grammarous. That is my new word of the day.

Personal note here: I've been remiss in reporting excellent news for someone in our little blog community...if I was Randy, it would be our blogpound. In any case, our dear AmyB, formerly a cancer fighter, turned cancer survivor, is now officially a ONE Year Remission Cancer Ass Kicker. This is very near and dear to my heart, because I know, as I sat there on her last day of chemo, I was praying so hard for her for those doctors to save her life. It truly was a life moment I won't ever forget. I guess I just thought I would bop in there, crack some jokes and eat some candy, while we played cards, games, etc. And then I saw her personality change as the poison just dripped into her. And her battle became very real. So, without getting to heavy on y'alls ass, I just give a shout out to my favorite cancer ass kickker, AmyB. Go girl!!! One year in remission, 50+ more to go.

Ok, Simey is really getting his groove on tonite. He has alot of love coming his way this year, and most of it is real chocolate love. Now this girl in the sparkly red and black polkie dots that fell on her ass, she sang in choirs, and she loves Simey, and he is melting like a hershey's kiss on the dashboard of life. It's a no. Eva is pissed. 93 year old gma of the next girl up is hi fiving Seacrest. Lushinton goes through to Hollywood. Oh, and gma is so happy. Nice family.

Oh my god, they are showing Clay Aiken in his Atlanta audition. Are you looking at that goony goo goo? If that puka shell wearing geek came up on this stage today, I would just hit the TIVO. This is why you can't write off anyone that walks up. Look at that mug, I have it frozen on screen and I swear to god only Elliott Yamin had a worse grill. Petey Poindexter is up there, followed by a skirt wearing lumberjack. What is this freak thinking? Some of these people put their entire lives into this audition. We have a 9th grade repeater up next. And he asks how much room he can move around. I've never heard anyone ask that yet. Do you want to be a smartass or listen? That's a good one. Smartass asked him, bedroom audition. Not funny can't sing. Out you go. Now this guy said he woiuldn't be a crybaby and then, what did he do, spark his 'tude. His mom said he's a little lippy. I say "Mom, you should have held him down while dad busted his lip a few times."

Rockin' in Roll nurse got a winky from Simey and she's the female Chris Daughtry, from Pauler. Hang onto your seats kiddies. Well, I like her.

Some guy told my husband today that he voted for "Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife". LOL

Cryer car dude...what's up his sleeve. He's homeless, I'd prefer to just say he has the world's tiniest trailer, as he lives in his mo-bile unit car...anyway, when he talks he sounds like he is afflicted, or British, but he says he's from Tennessee. Ok, finally he is going to sing. I like him, he sort of reminds me of Brad Pitt, when we used to date. Snow Patrol is weird. Oh don't know...I say put him through, he needs a good night's sleep in a hotel, for God's sake. 3 yesses, and the waterworks turn on. Josaiah OH, he doesn't even have any family htere to hug him. Off in his Mercury Sable LS he putts. Maybe Ellen DeGeneres will see him and buy him a car.

Well, more of this terror tomorrow. Hollyweird Week has to start soon, doesn't it?

bye now.

Pauler's YouTube video link.

Thanks Chris for the link to Pauler's Pre-SuperBowl dance groove-a-go-go. It's clear her back has put a serious crunch in her slinky moves. Albeit not as awkward as "Give Me More" by Britney, but she's not ready for a come back, our Pauler. She's best sitting at the desk with a coke.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=JIpBwiT_hEA

And the Super Bowl is over...or is it?

OMG< I feel like I'm watching the Bush Gore election, and Florida has the hanging chads. Call it an end for fucks sake.

GREAT GAME. Amazing. That was some of the best 6 minutes of heart pounding football...and I'm happy the Giants won. I didn't think they would, but I hoped. Way to go.

Thanks for playing everyone. Wouldn't it be awesome to be named Manning right now? 2 years in a row, a Manning takes their team to victory. Awesome.

Q4 - Is this game still on?

I've taken out the trash and made a fresh Diet Coke, read a few catalogs, talked the hubby out of $200.00 for some new art over our bed, and blah blah blah. I hate these days I force myself to stay home. But it has been relaxing. Did I mention how much I hate Joe Buck after a while. He starts to bug.

Ok, more later. My seester called and Maria Shriver has endorsed Barack Obama...and you know Ahnuld is a Republican. Whatever, he's not really an American, so we can forgive him. That's rude isn't it? He can't help it that his parents missed the Mayflower. He is better than Gray Davis, I suppose.

OMG, New England just pulled ahead. yeppers. I predict a last minute shoot out...oh, there's only a few left. ok, get this over with, I need to go get gasoline and Taco Bell. Yes, I did say that. I saw that Fiesta Platter commercial and I need it. I'm in the mood for Britney food. Even though I did like the Jack In The Box commercial more, maybe I should have a chicken fajita pita chased by 2 tacos for 99 cents. But I'd love a grilled stuffed chicken burrito. Oh for fuck's sake...I am mental. I'm hanging up now.

Uh, again, I forgot I wasn't on the phone. What's wrong with me?

Feel better Tink :)

Q3 - My AADHD is kicking in

I can't sit still this long. I've piled a bunch of magazines around me. I've got popcorn and orange soda. But I can't sit still. If it wasn't like 40 degrees outside, I'd go out there and take a walk. HA HA HA. Who are we kidding? It could be 74 with a light breeze and I'm not taking any walks. Boring.
I think I am bi-polar by association with Britney. I've read so much about her, I've got sympathy psychosis. Like husbands of pregnant woman, I'm going nuts by watching her go cuckoo. Sorry, I shouldn't make light of this. I'll just take responsibility for my own mind going on the blink.

Hey, what happened to Pauler and the world premiere of her new song? did we miss that in preshow with Ryan? I'll have to Tube it.

oh, and I'm sick of the commercials now. I could care less.

Qtr 2 - Coley Continues to Review the commercials.

I told you 3 posts back that we would see a lot of animals. Never in my wildest imagination would I think we would see more animals than in all the zoos in America. Animals dropping cars into high rise office buildings and destroying the streets below (fedex), badgers eating your face off (Corolla), dogs and horses (Budweiser), Clooney mounting Zellweger (Leatherheads), more horses (Bud), screaming forest animals (Bridgestone) Dancing Lizards (Life Water), stop the madness. Are there any working HUMANS in Hollywood or NYC? Or have all ad agencies consolidated to the mid-west and we only have Chicago or Dallas and the animal talent pool left? I'm predicting next, a commercial where kittens are knitting sweaters for freezing street gangs of puppies sponsored by the SPCA.

Oh, and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers is playing the half-time show, coming on at half-time, in case you are in a coma. I think TP has been mentioned only slightly less that Tom Brady since this game began.

Justin Timberlake getting jacked in the crotch in the Pepsi commercial was lame. He didn't even stand still long enough for my friend Amy to drool over him. I didn't like it.

I loved another commericial but I can't remember it. Damnit. Gisele Bundchen is getting stinking drunk in the skybox. Every time they show her, her wine glass is empty. Pamela Anderson is there, looking for her next ex-husband, no doubt. And Jenny McCarthy and Jim...well, that's nice.

Oh, I loves me some Idol sneak previews. People, I told you, this season has some good people. They didn't show us the good ones in the audition week, because they were TOO good. It's going to be our toughest voting season ever. EVER. I don't think we've seen Season 7 Idol yet. I really don't. And I'm going to stick my neck out and say, we will have a Male winner and he will be a rocker. I think they are shooting themselves in the head for losing Daughtry. We will have a hot boy winner. A guy to go up against JT or ...uh...um...John Mayer? Ok, I'm proving my point...there's room for the Zac Efron of music...someone a little older than the Hannah Montana/Jonas Bros. crowd.

Review on Tom: He's still awesome and still has a skinny ass. Loved it.

Onto Q3 soon!

ColeyB's Critiques the Super Bowl Ads - QTR #1

Playing armchair quarterback for the best part of SuperBowl is Coleyb...hello everyone! Glad you can join me. Thank God for TIVO because I will pick these commercials apart, one frame at a time. Or until my husband gets annoyed. My husband could really care less about football...this is the first game of the year for him to watch. He just wants to be able to talk to his carpool buddy tomorrow. First tip hubby...stop shouting for Peyton. It's Eli. (not kidding, he did refer to him as Peyton. LOL)
So what makes me think I have the right or ability to critique football or tv commercials.
1. I was born and raised in Texas
2. I never missed a high school or college football game...ever...that's 8 solid years of football.
3. I entertained clients at Dallas Cowboy games for about 7 years. So...I KNOW my Football.
4. I worked for 10 years at 4 different advertising agencies. At one time in my career, I was shooting commercials in LA about every 6-8 weeks. Lotsa fun. That's when I got my celebrity itch.

So enough about me. Let's see what the advertisers ahve brought to the game.

Here's the rules and also my criteria for a commercial worth of a 4-star rating:
-emotion evoking: funny, serious,heart tugging...make me feel something besides heartburn
-Tivo moment...do I reach for Tivo to replay it?
-Can I describe it, 5 minutes after it played?
-Production values.
-Cheesy? Take off on stupid things
- Originality - scene it before, or never seen anything like it?

Oh boy, my 3 pts are up for Giants and I'm 50% of the way to $100.00 (I have 3 -3 in office football pool) I need the Patriots to put up a 3 kick and Momma gets a new pair of shoes.

Flame Blower Bud Light Commerical - clevah .
Pepsi Max - What is Love? Head flopping Night at the Roxbury style...OMG that's one of my favorite movies. And look at the very end...it's what's his name from the movie. Rats, I'm going to have to go find the dvd ...or Chris Kattan, I just rmembered. That was pretty good...jack yourself up on caffeinated Pepsi. Cheaper than Red Bull.

Hey MySpace.com SuperBowl ads after the game, they will all be posted.

Audi R8: Godfather take off??? Dead horse head. The front of his Rolls Royce in bed. the Audi R8. I hate take off on the horse head scene. That gets an L for LAME O

Wheel of Cheese - Bud Light. Guys in kitchen . Pretty funny. But seen it before.
Athlete shoes. working out. High production values but alot of time wasted because I don't even know the product and the commercial is almost over. What is that icon? Underarmour. Ok,whatevs

Shit, that penalty just cost me $100. They would have had to kick for a field goal.

FUCKING HYSTERICAL BRIDGESTONE TIRE COMMERCIAL. I told you to look for alot of the freaking animals being funny. I love the little bunny screaming!!!
Doritos commerical shows some chick sing a song. That was good.
Thrillicious Vitamin Water - dancing lizards. I like the one with the crunk. Who was the dancing lady?
Drug dealer commercial was ok.
Corolla guy locked into car with vicious badgers...that will eat your face off. Clevah.

This is exhausting. I feel like I'm on the field. I don't think I'm going to make it 4 quarters of commercial reviews. I gotta go get some vitamins and a twinkie.