Out with the Old and In With A Snooze

OMG, TV is so bad. I can't believe it. Those freakin' writers and their strike, which I totally support, but really, you're wrecking my world. Making me responsible, read books, vacuum, speak to neighbors and rent movies. It's killing me.

OK, speaking of movies, I have a wiz bang of a story to start off the New Year. As many of you may or may not know, my mother is currently visiting from a faraway land (Tennessee) where she retired on a lake to live out her days in peace and tranquility amongst the hillbillies. Her 2 best friends do not have debit cards and fear the computer as if it were a terrorist toybox. My mom constantly complains about having to wait for them while they write checks. LOL. Well, one of the ladies is an avid nature photographer, and has no problem with the digital camera. However, she did not know that something other than the walmart photo lab could also use that memory stick...like a freakin' computer. The other day my mom showed her some pictures on her new laptop and the lady literally ran out of the house to the store to buy a laptop. Dumbass. Anyway, I digress. I was going to tell you a funny story about watching movies with my mom. We sat down to watch "Knocked Up". Well the opening credits looks like a public service announcement for the Weed Smoker's Society of America. Not to mention the jacking off etc. I quickly turned it off. "Mom, I don't think this is rated "Over 60" and I don't think it's appropriate viewing." Couple of days later we have run out of tivo tv, and hubby wants to watch it, so we turn it back on. People, let me just tell you, that movie scarred my mom. She has not stopped talking about how terrible it is that that pretty girl (Katherine Heigl) has such a terrible time with that cussing pig guy. And then she said to me yesterday...out of the blue..."You know what they should have called that movie?" I reply, "No mom, but I really wish you would let it go...do we need to find you a therapist?" She sez, "No, but they should have called it "Fucked Up" not "Knocked Up". I almost wrecked the car. Once I dried my eyes and caught my breath, I looked at her and she was shocked as I was. I said, "Oh wait until I tell my sister." She said, "You better not". My poor momma is so naive and sweet. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But she hates when I say fuck. I hate it too, but they don't have Fuckers Anonymous yet, and no self help books like "How to stop fucking saying fuck every third word of every fucking sentence you speak". Or How's this for a title "Fuck is not an Adjective". It's just sad, but it's part of my dramatic dna gene. It's like I am a computer loaded with fonts, but my vocabulary came loaded with colorful words and phrases...like "Oh for Fuck's sake," I love that one. I got it from a nice sweet girl at work named Adrienne.

So, in the New Year, which I am chanting "It's going to be great in 2008" (hoping if I say it enough times it will happen) I have heard from a lot of you, wishing me happiness and health. I send it right back to you again. Love, hugs and kisses. As you can tell by my demeanor, I have not returned back to work at the Factory (as AmyB refers to it now that she no longer has to punch in there!) and therefore I am not stressed out yet. I am thinking about buying a mini refrigerator for my cube so I can lay in a supply of fresh chocolate, cheese and lo-fat salad dressing, water and I bought these tiny little ice cube trays that freeze water into little tubes that slip into a can of soda or a water bottle. Fun huh? I have to drink more water in the New Year. I think my insides are shriveled. We drove to LA for Christmas and my husband forbid to me to drink more than one soda so I wouldn't have to pee. We had a standoff to see who could go longer. Well, the car ran out of gas, so we had to stop, which sort of ruined our contest. I tell you, that drive on I-5 is so boring...even a bladder busting contest is fun. Oh, and we passed this car that was a Prius, full of prankster college kids who were just trying to piss everyone off by driving slow in the fast lane and watching us freak out as we ran up on their bumper. I kept telling Greg...they are just taunting you and my Lexus has already been in a wreck this month so get off their ass. They finally moved over and just busted up laughing as we stared them down. I thought that was pretty funny actually. Stupid uptight dumbasses in the Lexus losing their minds because they couldn't drive 85.

Well, I am getting so excited about AI, but I can't write about it yet. I just have to wait and see a few more promos and really start seeing them show up on Entertainment Tonite. And people start gabbing about it around the office. Then it will be good. This Starbucks I'm in, is full of do gooder worker bees. They are so happy and hopped up on caffeine. Lots of people wearing suits and pantyhose. Its definitely not the videogame employees I'm used to.

I'm working on my Best and Worst of 2007 list, which I will finish up today probably. I had it near completion until yesterday when some new shit hit the fan...

More later...
xoxoxo ColeyB