Good Morning Julian & Sarah Jessica Parker

Ok, it's time to blow your cover, Famous Julian. I have to show everyone your stalker photo with Sarah Jessica Parker. I've simply got to get a "contact-fuss" made over me and that I know you. Ha.

I'm sorry that you were wrapped up like a stalker in this photo (Julian, btw, is the guy in stalker black cap, right above SJP's head.) I don't care that it was 12 degrees, when you saw the papparazzi show up you should have atleast lost the cap, so you were recognizable on the internet when these photos popped up. Sara looks a little whore-ish, sorry to say. Wow, those stockings are insane. She looks like she is part lizard.

Anyway, glad you are back from New York.

And thanks for linking me on your website. Very sweet.(www.julianhills.net) I saw that. Sometimes I'm as nervous as a hooker in church, so I google myself occasionally to make sure people aren't saying shit about me on the internet, and there you were!!!

Miami Auditions

Let's just hope we don't have to hear a bunch of Gloria Estefan stuff. I love the Miami vice opening. Funny.

Well, the best part of the show so far is the chicks with a little more to love, if you know what I mean. Those sister friends and all their boobage were just so cute. And good singers. I love it. They were awesome. We know they won't make it as far as Mandisa did, but let's hope we don't have all the issues she had. They are putting through a ton of soultry power voices for sure. I love the little Asian American girl. Sometimes when Simon watches some of the girls go, he leers at them like a hungry tiger.

Amy, I do admit, as long as I am talking about Simon and leering, that he is sexier this season. He really is. He's a little more American-ized I believe. Simey.

Oh, hey, February 8 Vince Vaughn's wild west comedy show is coming to theatres. I can't wait to see that.

OMG, the guy with frosted hair is tiny wheeny bit over the top wasn't it? I'm tempted to say come back in a dress. The girl with a finger in her ear...OOOHHHHHH Rascal Flatts guy ...imagine how RFlts feels ... and Randy imitating him was awesome.

Julie the American Junior singing. Yeah, not working? OVER rehearsed. She has a good voice, but she is too per ko shush. Oh, the little princess got told no for the first time. Overindulged. OMG, that little brat, they totally nailed her. OK, this isnt' the last, I guarantee you we will see of that little biatch. She will have her ass exposed on Howard Stern this season, I predict she is a guest. Oh the skinny dude in the dew rag, white suit and blingy bling shit...Brandon...crazy shit. Did you notice he had all the price tags on all of the items hanging on his body?

Who is singing the sing out of this show? It's a Wonderful World...it better not be that James Blunt or that guy Daniel Powter. I'm tired of AI making them famous. I don't like them.

Well, this show was nothing crazy special. Lots of talented people, I think. This season is going to be tough I think.

MIscellaneous responses to comments...

I urge you guys to read the comments. Some of the best info, weird ramblings (you know who you are) and funny stuff can be found if you just click on "comments". This is the community of the blog. Embrace it...

So, thanks to 'anonymous' that just posted info in response to my 'where are the instruments?'. This "insider" has revealed that instruments come into play in Hollyweird Weeks, which makes alot of sense. Thanks Mr/Ms. Anonymous.

Amy...where is Kelly. Well, she is spending her money somewhere in Nashville, I'm guessing. Narvel is her manager, and her a Reba are probably cooking up vittles in her kitchen, as well as some country tunes, because Kelly's next release will be going up against little Miss Carrie. Mark my word. She's jumping ship to compete against Faith HIll, Martina McBride, etc. Forget competing against Avril Lavigne or whoever. There's gold in them there hills of Tennessee. Gold records. I wish you could hear the voices in my head as I type. It's much funnier if you were really me.

Lu...I agree with everything you write. Yes, let's do lunch. Next week, at Specialty's.

Jeffro...I hate your movie suggestions. I don't watch Lord of the Rings movies. Troll dolls don't excite me and the only thing close to it is Yoda. Godfather was good, but really I never dreamed of being in the mafia like I did being a hooker that shopped on Rodeo Drive in Pretty Woman. HOWEVER, we both missed a great movie off the list...FARGO. Steve Buscemi was missing from my list. I couldn't decide if Big Lebowski or Fargo was the movie...and Fargo it is. Really. Come on.

And finally, Super Tuesday. I hate it all. I'm tired already. I'm forced to watch Bret Michaels show. I fear I don't have to turn betting on Bass Fishing Tournaments.

American Idol - Omaha Style

Oh, well, they did alot to pump up the ratings this week, starting off with the dude that had Will Ferrell tendencies. He brings gifts and Kelly Clarkson photos. Ha Ha. And he's going to be on Fox 42. That was the best thing I ever saw. In 6 seasons of watching this, no one pimped for Ryan's job. Way to go!

Oh Jason, shake off those nerves. you have a face and good singing voice. Come on, one more shot. Oh Simon loves his voice and he wants him to succeed...this is so painful...OMG he's doing it. I have chills. Oh I love his voice. Come on Randy. Come on...put him through. Come on. YES. And Simon too. Yippy skippy. Oooh, Simon has to give him a wrist slap, and warns him. He's leaving the farm for Hollywood. Pauler, Come to Simey. HIlarious. Simey!!!

Ok, so now we on to "forgot the lyrics" game show. Lame. Hey, btw, where the fuck are the instruments? Why don't we see some dAughtry dudes with their guitarsl Now we have Ryan arm wrestling with some blond chick. This 6-time arm wrestling beauty has a voice. There are definitely some good stories to be found out there America. Pauler has chosen to listen to her with her eyes closed, because she is jealous of her beauty. Randy has a yodel problem, Paula says yes or no, and Pauler says yes. She wants to arm wrestle too. Lesbo tendencies are showing Pauler. Next...we see Ryan in Pauler's chair. You know, I think he's tinier than her. He could probably fit in her purse with her dog.

Lady wrestler freak. I think I saw Lady Morgue on the FBI Most Wanted List...right next to the list of 8 traits of a Serial Killer. Freak a zoid. SARA IS REALLY STRANGE. And Simey says Pauler put her through. And then Ryan comes in and has issues. ha ha. and now he is in the judges chair. Ok, into Hollywood the Norah Jones clone goes. Heard It Through the Grapevine lady goes in...now what makes people pick all these randome songs. don't they have radios? Or do they only know how to sing commercial tunes from a raisin ad? Did you hear the girl going down the escalader say "Wait til I get to Hollywood and tell Simon he's wrong and that I am AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL WHOOOPS!! DID YOU HEAR THAT? Hilarious blooper.

OMG a freakin' tear jerker story. Uh Oh, a Celine song. It was such a mimic...but she has a wonderful voice. Come on people...OH Yippy, she goes in. I think we will see this girl go far!!!! Uh Oh, daddy said a bad word. Bad ass. I love that.

David Cook is coming on, with a little inspiration from Daughtry. And singing a little Jon Bon Jovi...and he's good. I say "what the hell is worthy? Simon?" Dawg is going to Hollywood! He's cool...and he needs to lose the red streak. It's distracting. Ok, weird James Brown dude promises to be entertaining, I hope. Johnny Liberace. OH MY GOD, Pauler has the hiccups. You disgusting little pig, Simon said...and now that gold jacket is flying. whatever. Simon said, I hated everything about you....your jacket, the singing, the performing. Everything. I hated it. Come on Simey, tell us what you think.

Look at the Wolfman!!! Did you see him? Leo Marlow...here we go. The smallest town in the history of life. Oh, I like this guy alot. I think Leo is going to be a character in the later chapters this season. 4 sure. OH, look at his weird cry face? Pauler wants to take him home...

You know, tonite, I can say, I saw alot of haridos I liked. More so than any other town. Maybe that's where all the good hairdressers are. Who knew? Guess what I am watching now. 10 Items or Less..on TBS. It's supposed to be a good show.

Celebrity Playlist - Who's is this???

Letter to Me – Brad Paisley
London Bombs – Eskimo Joe
Long Road to Ruin – Foo Fighters
If This is the End – Unamerican
I Told You So – Keith Urban
Dizzy – Jimmy Eat World
Things That Never Cross a Man’s Mind – Kelly Pickler
Goodbye, Apathy – One Republic
Falling Down – Duran Duran
Everything’s Magic – Angels & Airwaves


No cheating...I can't believe the range on this playlist. One hint. It's an American Idol's playlist. Ok, whatevs...It's Carrie Underwood. And I love these songs. I would never have listened to unamerican or Eskimo Joe. Great list Carrie. Sorry about your new video, which really looks like a advertisement for "Mr. Louie's Wig City". Girl, those wigs did not look natural. They looked like you were making a porn flick, not that I have ever seen one of those, but I hear about it on the internet. I digress. Get on to your next video and make this one go away. And get some hot guys in your next video. What the hell. Put your boyfriend Chase in it and tear his clothes off. OMG, I have to hang up now. Oh, I'm not talking to you on the phone am i?

Sorry everyone. I just have such a thing about Carrie...I know I should be managing her career. Or atleast her wig selection.

Carrie's New Video

It's on You Tube and they chose "All American Girl" to be the next single off her "Carnival Ride" cd. Yuk. Not my favorite. I like atleast 2 other songs more. Check out the video. It's kind of cute, but also weird. Not really the usual Carrie.

And I didn't think it possible but she is even more beautiful..and seems to be gaining confidence.

Hey, no one has said anything about Randy and Paula's new song? I won't even spend 99 cents for it. I wasn't a Pauler fan, even when she was popular. Not my bag.

Well, sick of the election yet? I got this picture at the airport yesterday. She smiled at me and then through clenched teeth told me to get out of her face, because she read on my blog I voted for Barack. Oh well. LOL


I actually think this picture makes her look like Annette Bening. Anyone else? Lu, what are you doing? Write me.

Movie Top 10...or my attempt to narrow it to 10

In my previous post, I started a rant about movies. It caused me to try to make a Top 10 movie list, and I'd love you to share some of your faves as well. So, in case you are experiencing bad weather, and need some tips for the movie rental store, here are my Top 10 (actually I will be cheating because 10 is just too hard.) This is going to be tough...

1. Wedding Crashers "Want to play tummysticks? "
2. Raising Arizona "High, you go back in there and bring me out a baby."
3. Juno "He's really great...in chair"
3.5 Little Miss Sunshine
4. Pretty Woman
4.5 Sideways
5. Zoolander "Walk off...at the old Members Only warehouse"
6. Talledega Nights
6.5 The Talented Mr. Ripley
7. Urban Cowboy
7.5 Tootsie
8. Top Gun
8.5 Rain Man
9. Steel Magnolias
9.5 Terms of Endearment. Same movie as Steel Magnolias...real tearjerkers
10. There's Something About Mary
10.5 Meet the Parents

And in case you care, I don't like thrillers, but I think my all time favorite classic is the original Poseidon Adventure with Shelly Winters. That scared the Bejeezus out of me. And I admit, I love Mission Impossible III. Well, I love all of the MI series. Sorry, I hate to admit that. And you can't go wrong with a Merchant/Ivory production. Oh, forget it, and I just can't keep doing this. I just started thinking about Dreamgirls, The Sound of Music, Meet Me in St. Louis (Judy Garland sang "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, which made that song the Christmas classic it is today.) Breakfast at Tiffany's...all those Cary Grant classics like To Kill A Mockingbird. How do I leave them off a list. Gone With The Wind...The Ten Commandments. Ok, well, enough for today.

Get the Popcorn and get watching!!!

Hannah Montana

Let me tell you something about myself. I am a 'jump on the bandwagon' kind of person. I admit it, so there, that makes it ok. If everyone else is buzzing about it, I have to know. I will research it and observe it from afar...and then decide whether to jump on or not. Make no mistake, I do not jump onboard first. I jog along side for awhile, watching others jump on or off. Case in point, that tv show LOST. Now, everyone told me, "Oh, Cole, you'll love it. Oh Cole, YOU'RE not watching LOST??? Oh, Cole you are so missing out on a tv phenom...it's so not like you..." But, alas, they were all so looking at me like I was a freakin' genius when they drug out the "what's in the hole" story line. And all the other "who'd dead, dying, or being killed off" storylines. So, glad I missed that one. I also have to admit that my stubborn streak costs me as well. I refuse to see uber BLOCKBUSTERS because they cannot live up to the hype. I did not see Titanic until 2 years after it came out on DVD. Now I regret it, because it could have been cool on big screen. I have seen "Love Actually" and "About a Boy" atleast 15 times, including on a translatlantic flight to London, twice, and yet, I never found time to see but 2 of the last 10 years Oscar winners. I have certain rules, when deciding to see a movie. 1. I'm easily amused. If I have to try to figure out the plotline, forget it. 2. Famous Julian is officially my movie reviewer. He's shoots straight with me, and we see eye-to-eye on things. His backup man, Brian, also, a good go-to movie reviewer. Sorry that you all don't have my Hollyweird connections, but as always, I am happy to share. And #3. the male actor cast is key in deciding whether I will plop down $10 to see a flick. If any of the following actors are involved, I will see the movie, guaranteed: Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Hugh Grant, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Michael Cera, Seth Rogan, Steve Carrell. That's it. Thus, the Comedy/Romantic Comedy genre. Even Johnny Depp is not a given. Nor is Tom Cruise. Speaking of Oscars, I can't believe I have seen 2 of the 5 nominated. Juno and Michael Clayton....stellar flics. Juno has risen to my favorite Top 10 of all time, possibly bumping Jerry Macguire out of the top. Of course, Top Gun remains, so Cruise is safe. I know, you are curious as to what is my favorite, and that would be Wedding Crashers. OH< shit, I left Vince Vaughn off the list. damnit. Well, he's on there. I loved him in Swingers. Hated that Jennifer Aniston flick though. I digress...back to Wedding Crashers. Listen, that is the funniest fucking movie since "Night at the Roxbury" or "There's Something About Mary". "Meet the Parents". "Little Miss Sunshine" is my newest entry (before Juno of course). And one movie that will NEVER fall out of the top 10 is Steel Magnolias. I've seen Julia Roberts as Shelby croak atleast 23 times, and I cried like a soap star that just lost her husband to the neighborhood skank. Everytime. I cry cry cry. Oh, but not as much as I cry when Debra Winger croaks in Terms of Endearment. She appeared in another one of my Top 10 flicks...Urban Cowboy. Favorite line..."Momma, hurry up and take my picture, my legs are sweatin'." (She's in a wedding dress with white cowboy boots, no stockings of course). And in case you didn't know, I lived 25 miles from where Urban Cowboy was filmed and danced my ass off at Gilley's more Saturday nights than I care to remember.

This concludes my Saturday ramble. I look at the title of this post which is Hannah Montana. I never really talked about her did I? I was going to confess how I stood in my kitchen this morning, glued to my tiny kitchen tv, with a cup of coffee and got totally sucked into her show today, so much so that I burned my scrambled eggs and left my refrigerator door open for like 10 minutes, long enough for my cat to drag out a stick of celery. My god that Miley Cyrus is hysterical. I know why DeeDee likes to be "dragged" to those concerts by little Jilly. Jilly, Auntie Cole needs to take you to Hollywood to see her next time!!!

Idol News...and other stuff...

Well, no big surprise here, Carrie Underwood is performing at the Grammys. I'd be surprised if Daughtry wasn't on board as well, given he had #1 album sales in 2007. I saw on internet that Daughtry created a video for Nicolas Cage's new National Treasure II movie, but it got cut from the final edit. DOH! You can see it on YouTube.

Today, I am working from home and listening to my tv in background. There is some lame tv show called ivillage.com and today's guest were a couple of former Idol contestants, Gina Gloxsen and Alaina...whoever. I can't believe some of these people get to milk their 15 minutes more, when the new American Idol season starts.

So, Phil Stacey has a new gig on USA Today Idol Chatter. He will be discussing his life and new career as a major-label country artist as he gets ready for the whirlwind surrounding the release of his first album on April 15. Soon, American Idol will officially have launched more country careers than The Grand Ole Opry. Kellie Pickler was on Ellen yesterday. The biggest flop in Nashville has been Bo Bice, who finished 2nd to Carrie, as you recall. WTF happened to him. I even bought his album (of course I did) and it was pretty good, and then ...crickets...no news whatsoever, except he moved to Nashville, bought a house, had a baby and married the mom...all in that order, I do believe. :)

Josh Gracin still has one of my favorite songs on my Ipod. "I Want to Live" is a powerful vocal and I urge you to spend $.99, and download it. Only if you like Poptry(tm). Poptry, of course, is a cross over sound that makes Country artists rich by getting played on Top 40 or Hit 100 radio. And don't try to Google it because I made it up. "Before He Cheats" is the best example of Poptry on the charts right now. TopRock is when Daughtry tries to be on Rock radio, but HOME gets him on every station imaginable because of American Idol each week, playing it when someone gets voted off. I made that one up too. PopRock is a candy that explodes in your mouth. I did not make that one up...but it often is used in reference to John Mayer music. Speaking of JM...do you like his new song "Say"? I do.

More later.

ColeyB

American Idol in Charleston...I love the South

Duet torture!!! I love this message board love story. Only in America. We met RIGHT there next to that trash can...and Simon has to go and make it nasty by telling them to check into a hotel. Bad Simon.

I love the South. Oh Lordy...bow shicka bow wow...Meet the one and the only brother and sister Chub, of the Charleston Chubs. OMG, I love these people. I would make a fucking sitcom out of these people. They have so much personality. Using a necktie as a sweatband is so unique, next to be seen on Project Runway. Jeffrey and his sister...a breath of fresh air, says chain smoker Simon. And we have the Chubs onto Hollywood. They have 3 months between this audition and Hollywood week to get the sister into shape. I wonder if Simon meant "lose some lbs, or learn to sing". Another dumb person that almost drops a kid at American Idol. And the Dad has a mapquest to the hospital.

Holyshit, they are mangling Carrie's song. Let me look one more time at that tv, but I believe I see a new Bozo the Clown. What are these people thinking...if I just keep singing it will make them pick her.

Amy Catherine, Amy, AC whatevs...yes, she said whatevs. She is preaching abstinence. She sort of looks like Eva Longoria. Amy Flynn is the Queenest of Goody 2 Shoes, with a chastity belt. She is absolutely an angel sent from heaven. I think I need an insulin shot. OMG Simon got all pissy with her. He doesn't like her confidence and then he gives her a pass. That girl is so adorable. Hey, Paula said the same thing.
London Whiteburg...Charleston SC. Grew up on the beach. She's good. But nothing to unique. Yes, based on vocals. BS, based on your blond hair, blue eyes and killer body. Give me a break.
OH man, now we have to have our military person. Meet our troop booster of the 2007 season. Our Phil Stacey or Josh Gracin of this season. Meet Air Force pilot Lindsay. That's cool. And the girl can sing. Ok, I think she is good. Not a blow away. The nerves and quivers kind of bugged me. And Pauler brought it up. NO WAY, they blew me away on that one.
Next up, Basketball Boobs. What the fuck is she thinking putting a belt as wide as the freeway under those boobs. Pauler even lost her composure...hilarious. She is going to sing Whitney. DON'T THESE PEOPLE WATCH AMERICAN IDOL? Never sing the following:
- Whitney Houston
- Celine Dion
- Aretha Franklin
- Maria Carey

Those are the death squad singers, if you hope to have a chance at Hollywood. Don't sing them, unless you expect to be compared to them. And for God's sake don't pick Jennifer Hudson/Jennifer Holiday "I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls either.
This guy says this show is fake and rigged. Simon says he is rude and deluded. I love the lip factor in Charleston. Nice red pants buddy...take that to your World Idol competition. ..you and the other artistsssses.
I knew that squirmy baby was going to make an appearance. Emma Grace...Oliver is going to sing now. Hey, he has a voice but he is warbling weird and I think he's channeling Christina Aquilera. Nope, go home and take care of your baby. That baby is 36 hours old and they are dragging her into this crazy germ infested place.

Next up...Project Runway. You know when Heidi Klum says "You will be designing an avant garde look", it sounds like she says "oven garden" look. She cracks me up, that crazy bitch. I love Heidi Klum. She rocks Seals world, and loves to talk about it. And she has such a great sense of humor.
Go Christian...go. You're FIERCE. Tonite, that whimpy Sweet P better go. I'm tired of her.

Talented, Wealthy and Wasted

I know you expect me to rant about the evils of drugs, etc. But really, I hate to admit my freaking fascination with this shit. I mean, people, not since the death of Marilyn Monroe (I wasn't alive btw), John Belushi, and Chris Farley have we witnessed such insanity and loss of talent due most in part to drugs. Heath Ledger was a tragic overdose, it appears right now. Just think about the fact that almost exactly 2 years ago, he was nominated for his first Oscar. And now he is gone.

Look at this trainwreck...
This is Amy Winehouse who is nominated for some prestigious music awards coming up. I doubt she will even be sober enough to get on a plane to the US to attend the Grammy's, that's if she doesn't slip into a anorexic coma. It's tragic. If these rich people living their life dream can't get their shit together, how can normal people like me, working for the factory, have a prayer at survival. I'll tell you how. I plan to stay poor the rest of my life. This is my goal. I don't want too many options, as they appear to kill you. I want to live paycheck to paycheck with no extra money for drugs and drinking and sexual escapading. And I want to be able to leave my house and NO ONE gives a shit. I forever want to be owing taxes at the end of the year, no matter how poor I am, and I want to still clip coupons, eventually getting 50 cents off a tube of denture cream. This is my plan, and it will keep me grounded and out of the tabloids. It will be a struggle, no doubt. Any moment now, I fear someone will discover my fabulousness, but I'm sure I can fuck that up pretty easily.

Tonite's Idol Recap

Ok, I'm going to put it to you straight. I forgot my laptop at work today. The whole MLK holiday had me thrown off a day...I thought it was Monday and it wasn't and I didn't remember to lug the stupid thing home. Ugh. So, no realtime blogging. And anyway, I am depressed and tired and stressed. I had a soul sucking day at the factory, Heath Ledger shocker and I got home so late we had to go out for tacos for dinner. I'm just off kilter. I didn't even know Heath Ledger. Why do I care that he sadly met his demise. I don't know. I can't figure out why the NYPD felt it necessary to send out 60 cop cars to investigate. I'm pretty sure 60 cop cars didn't even show up when someone took a pot shot at some of our past presidents. I just don't get some things lately in this world.

Anyway... Here's what I remember about Idol tonite. That dreamy little 16 year old paralyzed vocal cord boy who sang John Mayer "Waitin' on the World to Change". OK, he will make it through Hollyweird Week...and then there will come a day when he gets into the top 12 and then...the inevidentable will happen...he will be voted off...and I will CRY CRY CRY my big round brown eyes out. I love David, heretofor named Dady. And those that work at the factory will know why. So, I have someone to cheer for. I was a Daughtry fan from the get go. It makes the show funner to watch. It's like picking a good horse in a really long race...or maybe let's say you are a baseball fan and you get to cheer for 162 games. Oh forget it. Anyway...I loves me some Dady. (pronounced Day-dee, not daddy) Ok, there were a fair share of freaks and geeks,and I loved the sister team. Remember, Kelly Clarkson got to sit with the judges when she audienced??? I wonder if that was a positive Omen for this chick. And the Irish girl...she's cool. Overall, I think there are some real talented souls in this crew. We may be surprised that we don't have to sit through Sanjaya's and Antonella Barberics this season. Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to pick the least worse of the bad? I mean last year Jordin was so far above the others. Imagine a season where Daughtry, Clarkson and Underwood were all in the top 3. I'd go blind with madness at trying to pick a winner. Even now, I can't tell you who is my favorite...but if someone was holding 2 tickets to each of their concerts, I'd quickly snatch the Kelly tickets and run like hell. So, I guess the original will always have my #1 vote.

Peace out peeps. I'll drag the Mac home tomorrow.

My secret spy shot this from hotel in NY

Can you believe there are nearly 60 cop cars outside Heath Ledger's apartment building...

Heath Ledger found dead in apt.

NYC - in his apt. Details forthcoming. Even CNN doesn't know cause of death yet. This is so sad. He just divorced Michelle Williams and has a 3 year old (or maybe 2 yr old daughter). Very, very shocking news.

:(

Skip this post if you could care less my list progress...

Quite frankly, it is 6 hours later from my last post, and the list commitment. My list had 3 things on it. Let's recap:

1. get my email for cole@coleyb.com up and running.
2. menu plan
3. I can't even remember, I have to go get the stupid list. Be right back.

Oh, #3. Pay bills. Done. Yippy Skippy. #1 and #2...well, bad news to report. The "Shiny Syndrome Sucked me In". Bad news to report on the birdfeed as well. It is now bird soup as it started pouring rain. Doh!

However, I have good news to report. I have accomplished the following today:
1. Absentee voted, after calling my seester and reading her the ballot. And if I may impart my one little gripe about the California election...those against term limits seem to use the excuse that "just as they get good at their jobs, they are termed out of a job". Well, if it took me 12 years to get good at my job, my company would have fired my ass at about year 1.5. Bad excuse. Term limits stay. And if you really suck, they'll recall you and The Terminator will terminate you, and take your job.
2. Made a pot of chili for dinner tonite. YUMMERS. I make the best. Carroll Shelby's Chili Kit kicks ass.
3. Went to "optoutprescreen.com" and told those credit a-holes not to send me another prepaid credit card application again. As it is, I have enough credit cards to buy the house across the street. I don't need anymore credit cards.
4. Organized all my credit cards, biz cards, coupons and other items in my purse that are 3" x 5" in length.
5. Cleaned out the guest bedroom since Hurricane Momma left. Katrina left less damage. She had shopping bags, items for me to ship to her (thus, they did not fit in her 3 check-ins or 2 carryons.) and tons of tags, because of course, she wore all items of clothing she bought, and barely wore any of her "old rags", as she calls them, that I dare point out, arrived new with tags as well. (Side note Seester...she tried to pawn some shit on me from a resale shop. (new with tags) I kindly said "not really me mom, I don't care if it's designer, even Gucci had a miss every now and again.)
6. Organized all my drawers in my kitchen. I have approximately 47 kitchen magnets. Why?
7. Talked to my husband occasionally. Tried not to argue about all the shit I was piling in his garage. :) Made him lunch.
8. Got an email from my cousin in Texas. Now TWO cousins have contacted me because of my blog. I'm my own family tree branch grower!!!
9. Worked on making my overall list longer.
10. Committed to my husband that I am going to make a new bedtime: 10:30 pm. Up at 6:30 am. Out the door by 7:30 am. That's my commitment. Serioiusly, I need to invent "morning person rehab". Really, I would just be peachy keen with "go to bed at 12:30 pm and get up at 8:30 pm. Works so well for me. It would be so cool to go to a clinic that would reset your body clock and make you embrace the am with happiness instead of blind insanity. I don't even use an alarm clock because it just doesn't do any good. I can turn it off in my sleep. You could set my sheet afire and I would sleep through it.

Oh, did I mention I started taking vitamins yesterday. B-12, some fish oils, a multi and some other crap. I think I am going crazy I have so much energy.

Ok, logging off. no more blogging tonite. Must menu plan. Focus, Focus, Focus...right after I call Queen Lee Lee. :) LOL

Next post: UPdate from Sara @ Sundance. Got an email. She saw stars. She is sending pics. Exciting times. I'm lunching with her tomorrow 4 sure.

Random thoughts...

Well, we have the day off today. I'm not sure if it would surprise you, but I have to force myself to relax. Literally. I am always thinking about something to do, get it started (always involves shopping), and then run out of time, money and/or energy. It's like that. So, I made myself a list for today. I am going to FOCUS. I am not getting dressed until I reach a certain milestone.

Here's my list:
- create my new email address and website. I bought the damn stuff 2 months ago, and still am using that stupid coleybronn@sbcglobal..blah blah lame ass address. I actually have coley@coleyb.com registered. And my blog url will become coleyb.com. I own it. So, that's a priority today.

- menu lists. In my neverending quest to get organized, I want to menu plan. 7 days of meals layed out, purchased and ready to fix...in the frig. I only want to visit the grocery store on Saturday mornings once a week. What a time saver!!! And you shop by list and all is good.

- pay bills. I don't need that Lexus being repo'd do I? That's my baby!!!

I confess I suffer from "see something shiny syndrome" The double 'S' to the power of 2. I just can't focus. I was sitting here typing and suddenly saw some birds bathing in the backyard, where it is 38 degrees, and I felt sorry for them, so I went (in my pajamas and robe) out to our storage shed, and dug out the birdseed, got a pie tin, poured it in, and set it out. I'm waiting for them to eat. I piled the seed in a certain pattern, so I will know if the little finches dive in. I hope they eat. Ok, so see, I'm not getting anything done because "blogging" and "feeding birds" was not on my priority list. I'm a lost cause.

What did I do yesterday??? Well, I jacked up my Ipod that I got for Christmas, full of podcasts. MTV news, NPR Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, CarTalk, and my favorite "Pine Valley Podcast" (a podcast dedicated to All My Children viewers). OMG, I'm so excited, and I bought a wireless jack for my car, so I can listen to podcasts on my 1.5 hour commute, and not the lame radio of the San Francisco Bay Area. If I were rich, I would start a radio station that played good music and make a fortune. There are a few, but they ruin it with stupid, stupid, idiot, dumb and demoralizing radio personalities that talk to everyone as if they have a 4th grade edumacation. There are smart people out there that like good music. We aren't all parked on NPR or talk radio. (notice how I put myself in the "smart people" category. I'm also working on my self esteem today! :) I think it's working!!!)

Ok, I got to get to my list. I'll update you later on my progress.

HOLD THE PHONE>>>Just saw a Dr. Pill promo (that's Dr. Phil, who I refer to Pill, because I usually need a migraine pill after most of his shenanigans.) Dr. Pill is going to talk about the Britney shit tonite. I quote "You've heard the gossip, and now I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you what you THINK you know, and then what you NEED to know". Ok, so let me ask you something Dr. Phil...isn't there somewhere in your fancy analysis of this situation, where you see the jackals of papparazzis and people that are feeding off Britney is making her crazy? And now you are just as bad as all of them...profiting off her pain? She is committing career suicide every time she appears with her ass hanging out at 2:00 in the am at Taco Bell. She has lost her children, who she probably really loved (albeit a love like she loves her $1,500 purses). Do we really need Dr. Pill to further explain his view of this? I think this whole Britney thing will only end when she is in mental health care facility or jail. Let's hope it's not the morgue. In all seriousness, I don't really pay attention to this anymore. I don't even think it's fun to blog on. At first I thought she was acting out, giving the finger to authority figures, but when I saw the evidence of mental illness and addiction, I don't think it's fair for anyone to chase someone who seriously needs help. It's like chasing around a Diabetic while they cruise candy stores, and watching them go into a sugar coma. It's just not right.

Ok, back to the list. jeez, I've been up for 1 hour and gotten nothing done but swallowed a pot of coffee and wrote this blog. OK, WELL that's a good start. Bye now.

Where's that list?

Check the calendar Guiliani Rancic!!

Girlfriend, the month is January...and that means it's winter. Get yourself some warm clothes. In this picture of her (photo credit: coleyb with her handy Blackberry while watching tv on Saturday morning watching E! News Weekend), I must ask...why is Ryan dressed warmly and she looks like is 95 degrees outside? Why is it cool for men to appear in seasonally appropriate clothes, but women must always be in strapless gowns, equipped with hockey pucks to hide the 'nippers', if you know what I mean. BTW, I think I could have dressed Ryan in that outfit for about $27.00. That jacket would set me back $8 at Goodwill, the crappy Henley $7.00 at Wal-Mart and goofy t-shirt $12.00 at Spencer's gifts. What a lame outfit. Not groovy lame...disheveled, borrowed from the prop room, crap. Ryan better step it up on American Idol too. I get the casual look, but come on. My boss at work comes in wearing jeans every day and a groovy Lucky shirt. Ryan also needs some "man tan". He could pay a visit to Sunset Tan and I wouldn't complain. I think he's manorexic.
And here's Guiliana at Sundance this weekend with her husband, ex-Apprentice winner, Bill. Currently, they are busy denying pregnancy rumors. She's so freakin' skinny, an extra carrot stick probably looks like a baby's elbow in that dress, yet another strapless number when there is 5 feet of snow on the ground.



ok, back to the Packers game. Fumble...1st down Packers. 4th qtr. Good game. gotta go.

American Idol - Hookup Alert!!!

It seems that Blake Lewis was seen with a Season 6 contestant over the weekend. According to Ryan Seacrest, Blake reports that he and HALEY SCARNATO are 'good friends' and we will see what happens. Well, they have a lame hybrid name "Blaley"

Ummm...am I the only one that remembered she was ENGAGED during Idol. Remember she was from San Antonio and her fiance' was the in crowd and all that shizbit info? I wonder what happened there??? Haley was the one my husband said had "smokin' hot legs" and could not wait to see shorts they put her in each week.

Ryan, someone needs to tell you how to get the scoop dude.

Next post: Ryan needs a stylist.

xoxo

Funniest thing of the day

OMG, there is a new book out...the unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise. I had a moment at Costco where I actually put it in my basket. Andrew Morton wrote it...you know the guy that told all of Princess Diana's scoop. Anyway, I flipped through all the pictures and stuff. They got into interviewing old teachers and stuff. Man, I just couldn't do it. I had to put it back. I couldn't fork up the $20. But if someone were to send it to me...I'd read it like a freak. Hint. Hint. Think of it as an investment. I will tell you all the real juicy bits. ColeyB's version of Cliff Notes.

A girl can dream, can't she?

What this blog means to me and you...

Good morning my little readers of crapola. Happy Friday to everyone. Happy afternoon to those of you unfortunate enough to be freezing to death in Eastern time zones.

Week 1 of Season 7 is over...sigh...was it all we hoped it would be?

Let me spend some time outlining for you what this show and this blog mean to me...and maybe you will find value and not feel guilty for wasting time reading it. NEVER!!!

1. Why do I write it? Lots of people treat me like the Paula Abdul of my company. A C+ celebrity. I love it. People that normally don't give me the time of day, or pass and say "hey" are suddenly talking to me like I am the Tom Brokaw of American Idol. The John Madden of the NFL. They want my review on the fly...as if you would pin Ebert down to analyze Atonement in a flash. (Did I just draw a comparison of American Idol to Atonement???) It's so fucking funny. I always walk away laughing at how hysterical it is that I am the uber-freak fan of a tv show...sort of like that chick that is ga-ga over Star Wars. Should I get an American Idol belt buckle and Paula Abdul wig and wear it each week? Anyway, bottom line, I can't let the people down. I must continue to watch, comment and blog. This is why John Madden is 104 and still watches football. He can't let the people down. And I love being treated like a freak. Finally, I can come out of the closet.
2. You, the avid blog reader: The community of blog fans we've built is downright heartwarming. I love all the people that comment. If you don't read the comments, you're missing out on the most important thread of the blog. The sharing of thoughts and feelings. It's downright therapy for some. I feel love from people on this blog that are friends, but they haven't picked up the phone and called me in months, however, they read the blog nearly daily and comment. So, what this says to me, is these friends actually like 'coleyb' the blogger better than Cole Bronn the friend. I'm down with that. I realize I am a little, shall we say, 'edgier' on the blog, and perhaps they like that persona more. I also love that my cousin, that I haven't really been in touch with for years, is laughing at me. That makes me smile. I love that my seester reads the blog and has finally stopped picking out the flaws and embraces my fucked-up-ness. I have always admitted that while I make more money that she does, she will always be the smarter one. I'm just worried about the day when her smarts start to pay big dividends and then I will be hosed. And will never be able to speak to her again. I love that my mom cannot remember my url, could google me, but chooses not to. She's scared.
3. Sharing the wealth...I lOVE the stories you tell about how you have introduced the blog to your co-workers. LOVE IT. I was recently toasted at DeeDee's lunch with her coworkers. Made me so happy. Thanks girls for keeping DeeDee up-to-date on Idol and me. I love the ripple effect of the blog getting spread like a happy rash. I love that Jeffro has used the blog as a means to win over all his new co-workers. Using humor as the currency of the cool. Can't you just hear his new co-workers now? "Wow, this new guy is awesome. He's introduced us to a new site where we can waste more time not working. Cool!!! " So here's a shout out to Jeff's new co-workers. Welcome, and get back to work before you lose internet privileges. Love people that watch Idol, just so they can understand what I am talking about on the blog. That's awesome (Maloo I'm referring to YOU!!!).
So that's what I love. As for what do I really hope to achieve on this blog? I just really want to make you laugh. It's all I really want to do here, and of course, ripping to shreds the hopes and dreams of lame people is a happy side effect. It's a trade-off I can live with. My sincerest thanks to everyone that joins in...xoxo to you all.

January 2008 ... Happy MLK Weekend.
Next post: What were the memorable moments of the first 2 shows...and a new poll will be posted this weekend.

Oh... and my friend Sara is working a booth in the gift bag area at Sundance Film Festival and promises to take cell phone pics and share for the blog. My private TMZ photog...Sara Shizzles, Let's hope she sees someone from the movies and not that dumbass Heidi Montag. I'd even settle for a Kfed pic. ha ha

We're in the Big D now people!!!

Oh my God, they are starting the show with an ex meth addict? WTF I knew they were going to start showing more of the back stories of the contestants, but I don't want this show to be a big tear jerker. So, here she goes with her audition. Jessica Brown. Simon looks like he is thinking about what he is going to eat for dinner. Hard to read him. Fuck, I am already crying and this show is only 6 minutes into it. Wholly shizbits.
Ok, here's a dorko...he's a park attendant. Ok, well, Chris Daughtry was a auto car service writer. haha. But he was a hottie. Ok, so they gave him his :15 seconds + of fame. Oh Lord, I just saw on the commerical break that that devil chick from last night pulled a stunt in Times Square today, after her airing on the show last night. I'll have to find out and post later.

What in the name of all things idol are those 2 pimple face hippies doing? OMG, they didn't even wait to hear a "no" they just walked. OMG, I've seen it all. Creepy boy and his heart with his dad. He's never kissed a girl. No one seems to be pondering the fact that the boy is gay?? On my wedding day will be my first kiss. They will pick this guy, just so they can throw him in a room with Britney and/or Jessica Simpson, and then taunt him to dare not to kiss them. haha. Oh, they are shocking me...it's a NO. Advice: Kiss some girls, or Ryan on the way out. ha ha. I think he still thinks girls have cooties. And it's true, we do.
Texas Talent is not really showing up. Tia is from Chicago...so she don't counts. And she's not good. Pass. Oh, they let her through. I dislike Fantasia Barrino greatly, and she reminds me of her.
VOMIT. I just vomited my Chinese food. The fingernail boy just put me over the edge. Honestly, I will not eat another bite of food tonite. And they are talking about it endlessly. Seriously, my stomach is churning. He reminds me of Elliott Yamin a bit. Forgettable...I don't think so. He's fingernail boy. oh puhleeze Randy ditch him. Oh, boy he insulted Randy. funny. Randy, I hate your freaking sideburns btw.
Kayla Dawn Hatfield, former survivor of a car crash, has now come on to the stage. Oh man, I'm searching for the Tivo button. Why oh why? They let her through. Only to crush her later.
Oh, puleeze bring on some good stuff. Katie Malloy from Houston Texas...wow she can do some crazy impressions...and she is awesome. I like her. She reminds me of Halle Berry but sort of Jennifer Lopez-ish I really think she is terrific. OMG, Simon has a feeling about her. I think I see him sitting funny in his chair so I think this feeling is below the belt. hee hee

1/2 down, Day 2 to go. Douglas the pudgy doughboy trys out a little Bon Jovi. I think he bust a lung. On his warmups. What the bloody hell was that, SSez. Pauler looks nice today. Her headband is awesome. This freak is like acting like he is in improvisational theatre, not AI. Has he ever watched this show? He actually is acting like a guy who's wife is in labor and he's in the waiting room.
Ok Angela and her model babe husband are the best thing of the night. She was fucking great. Hilarious. Hey, he's a hottie. She's lucky. Angela, just go get your hubby and and get on with it. Chad, would you buy your wife? What a quote.
Hold the phone people...we got ourselves a cowboy. Mmm Hmm..hottie farm boy alert. Farm boys are hotter than city boys by the way. They are sweeter 4 sure.
Politician Super Geek. I swear to goodness I would go to LA to meet him. I would love to mess with him Ok, deadpan girl. I swear I could sing better than that in my shower. I call her coma girl. Ryan thinks she seem in shock. Ooohh, now are you seeing what I'm seeing. I may have my new hottie alert. Colton singing Little Big Town and 'Boondocks'. Nice. me needs some eye candy. Let's hope someone in hollywood has a tiny weedeater to tackle those eyebrows. They are a bit like caterpillars mating on his forehead. I'm surprised he can wear a baseball cap. Yeah, cowboy hottie made it through too. The eyecandy jar is getting pretty full this season. Atleast I haven't seen a freaking manchild Sanjaya yet. I wonder if they will watch who goes through this year to avoid the Sanjayjay issue in this season. i wonder if that freakenstein Howard Stern is going to try the throw shit at the show again? Guyliner rocker gets booted, of course. Nina Shaw from Burleson gets through. I think they have Bobby Trendy in a white suit here. OMG I am your brother, your best friend forever, singing the songs to the music that you like. Oh, if only that was available when I got married. What a great first dance that woiuld have been. I swear I never laughed so hard as to when Paula started laughing. BTW this dude is 44

Ok, thanks to everyone for sending fun email today. Listen, this stupid shit is better than watching reruns of Gilligan's Island, right? Ok, so stop your bitching Jeffro.

xoxo...love ya mean it. coleyb

The First Show; Season 7: Here We Go!!!

It's going to take me a bit to get in the groove. First of all, TIVO failed me and I missed the first 10 minutes of the show. Doh. I'm over it. So far...blah, blah, blah. Ok, here comes Temptress, the 16 year old that they are going to treat as normal, even though it is clear she is seriously in poor health, as is her mother on oxygen in a wheel chair weighing 500+ lbs. This is not nice and I don't like this part of the show. Of course, she has as much of a right to be there as anyone else but ugh, it's a hard call here. Notice in the eventual group hug with Temptress, who cried chocolate tears, it did not include Simon...and then he had to go and act all human and walk her out to her parents. I thought that was nice. And I know all you freakin cynics were claiming it was staged, etc. but...it worked out ok. She got her moment with the celebs.

You know what I think? If the rest of the auditions end up like this, I'm going to slit my wrists. I did love the "crickets" guy. And Ugi the Pimp Costumed Finance guy who does the MC Hammer dance. Freaks across America is what people watching this in foreign lands must call this show. He sings My Way and I know that Frank Sinatra is calling a hit on him from his grave. Simon gets rude and tells him to keep his batteries in his "cowell cue late tor."

Why does Paula have a white bra on underneath that brown blouse. So tacky. Girls dressed like that in Texas are called Tacky. Simon opened up a new pack of Jockey tshirts for the big event.
Why do they put the scary bitch Alexis on this show. Janis Joplin and Grace Slick's alter-ego. This is not the route for her...according to Simon. This competition is not for her. She needs to be in a cover band. She is floored. Stunned. I swear I can't believe she isn't blind by the amount of glitter on her face. She seems so sweet suddenly. I'm just waiting for the explosion of emotion we saw on the commercial break. Simon is a bad word and she's going for "actressing". And with that she promises to leave with Dignity and her definition of dignity includes saying f-u twenty times a minute and fly the finger at him. Why did they give her more time than the presidential candidates get on election day. She got like 2.5 million dollars in airtime. What a waste. I could have read Green Eggs and Ham on tv and been more interesting.
I like Angela Martin...that cute little black wedding singer...she's an early prediction for me to make it through pretty far. Ok, now pay attention...Christy Lee Cook...Selma Oregon. They already have footage of her home and her on the horse. Do you think she makes it to Hollywood? I'm thinking she probably has a website already. She's a Carrie Clone, if I ever saw one. Here's the singing. Right off the bat she reminds me of Sugarland's lead singer...the one that did the duet with Bon Jovi...Jennifer Nettles. She's awesome. She's in the top 6 guaranteed. Maybe the Top 3. She's freakin' 6 feet tall. They will make her look like 2 million euros by week 10.
WTF is that chest haired beast. They just need to go ahead and shoot his "America's Most Wanted" segment now, while they have him in custody, because he will commit a heinous crime when he eventually cracks completely. OMG they waxed him.
Oh boy, love song for Paula Abdul. FREAK. A prime candidate for stalker court. OMG, he starts singing about being a stalker. Did I call that one? Ironically, the next contestant is Beth Stalker. Mmm. She's beautiful. Great voice. I knew they wouldn't like that wedding singer lounge act stuff. Pauler puts her through. Simon, I hope we don't see you on an Oprah clip, having to take back those disses.
Hey, Paula has a Blackberry. I see her sneak typing on it below the table.
Star Wars freaky Christina is next. Ok, now this shit is good, and she puts it out there that she has concealer on her acne that is not so bad anymore. She either goes to Hollywood or pursues the inevidable career as a corrections officer. Sounds like the it's the slammer for you Star freak. Lu, I wish you were in my living room. We would be cracking our ass up over this chick.
Brook White the nanny is next. She's never seen a rated R movie. She's awesome. I like her, obviously. If you didnt like her you probably kick puppies.
Peace Out people...I'm drained. More tomorrow. I hope my fellow Texans don't let me down. You know, I lived in Dallas for 7 years before migrating to California. I always like to see my homeland peeps performing. Oh, before I go...shout out to the dude I met at the Car Dr. today. Hope you enjoyed the show and now the blog. See, I wasn't lying to you. I really have a blog commenting on American Idol. And my name is really Cole. :)

Let the Screeching and Insults Begin...

In the words of the great Ryan Seacrest in the opening of my favorite gabshow (E! Weekend Update)..."Here We Go!!!!!!"

Let's get this party started....

What am I most excited by? The people that get to play instruments in their auditions. I know the ukulele's are going to be plentiful. I'm just hoping for some jazz trumpet rapping...or atleast a little diddy from this dude....
I have it on good authority that this year's contestants get a bit "lippy" with the old Simon. Not taking his shit without firing back it seems. I hope Simon throws a hissy fit and storms out again...we haven't seen that in a while.

Well, I'm working hard today, so I can leave early and get home and get my groove on...hubby's getting drive thru for dinner because I need to focus on watching tv and my blog. It's MY freakin' SuperBowl tonite. Good news is he is just as excited. I almost bought an HDTV!!! Not really, I am always typing while I watch anyway. But I sometimes watch the episodes twice, no kidding...thank God and Tivo for tv sanity.

Ok, more later tonite. PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS TONITE... I hope the old gang comes back...Jeffro, Christina, Chad...Lu is always with us...Chris...Tink...welcome back and let's have some fun!!!

ColeyB

TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!!!!!!!

How will you prepare for the new season? Have you purchased a new big screen tv? Ready to unveil a new Nacho recipe? Is there a new snack you've been saving for just the perfect evening of tv to break out? Time to put out the good cheese? I myself am a major cheese con-a-sewer. I am a cheese snob. Like winos, I like my cheese and none of it sits on a Ritz.

So, here's some preliminary scoopage for the new season that I have managed to uncover.
- Fantasia Barrino's brother auditions, and he sux
-There will be a new set!
- The audition shows are meant to feature the best of the best and the worst of the worst...finally they admit that those that made it on the audition show are actually because they were awful, in some cases.
- Simon admits he will stay for atleast 2 more years.
-Idol wannabes were allowed to play instruments in the tryouts
-Pauler says that Simon gets tired of picking on the kids so he turns on her, and so yes, we can expect alot of bickering and bitching as we have seen in past seasons
-What we won't see is the celebrity mentors. (Translate: music artists with new albums releasing that want the bump in sales from appearing on AI, will no longer get to hawk their wares on the show). Instead we will see alums (don't get your hopes up for a Kelly appearance. But Daughtry I bet comes back!!!!!)
- There is supposed to be an equal amount of Boy vs. Girl talent. (last year, if you recall, seems to skew female)
- Early buzz is this is the most talented group in years (believe I've heard that before...I'll be the judge of that)

Most people hate the audition shows. However, I LOVE THEM...and here's why. I study every single character, forwards and backwards (with the help of TIVO) and wonder...is this the one? Are we watching the future Kelly or Carrie...or a future DUD like Trailer Hicks or Rueben? By the way, when Simon talks about the most successful Idols thus far...he lists the big 3...wanna guess who they are? Maybe I should save that as a poll??? I think I will!

Ok, I'm giddy...it will be here before you know it!

xoxo-

Reasons to Read this Blog in 2008

I think that there are signs that our entertainment options are going to be slim pickin's really soon. Let's look at my take on the status of the usual avenues of entertainment (this excludes those of you who are into surfin' for porn).

SPORTS: Football season will be over and crappy basketball will be on, and that's only good when Eva Longoria Parker storms the floor, or the Lakers game has some good celebs making out courtside. Nascar will be the only bright spot with the Daytona 500. Baseball is going to continue to be steroid stifled and *yawn* I don't give a shit who stuck a needle in their ass so they could play better. It's like this, I know I shouldn't eat a Snicker bar at midnight, but I do it anyway, knowing at 65 I'll be on blood pressure medicine. Whatever. I'll probably be shot at a Starbucks in a random drive by first.

MUSIC: Well, I do see a turnaround in music. Seem to hear a vibe of good stuff, but I have to wait and see what the summer concert blockbusters are going to be. I was underwhelmed with Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers. I fear a freakin' Barney Reunion Tour is next.

MOVIES: Since everyone knows nothing good comes out at the first of the year, it's snooze city for a while. Why? Because they don't want their movie forgotten at the end of the year when Oscar ballots are issues. OH, and there are no writers to write the movies, so look forward to a suck ass back half of 08 and you will hear crickets in the theatres by this time next year. i bet all we see is books come to life, so get ready for alot of Harry Potter, etc on the screen. I think we can all stand a break from the overzealous promotions we endured this summer. Will anyone ever forget the summer of The Bee Movie. I love bees and Seinfeld and animated films, and I absolutely did NOT go see that movie because they over promoted me to hatred.

TV: Same fate falls on tv scripts that is killing our movie scripts. No writers, no scripts, no words for actors to bring to life. I'm woozy with depression at this sad turn of events.

MUSEUMS: As anyone that knows me can attest, I judge museums by their gift shops. DeeDee's favorite story to tell about me is how I ran into the Louvre in Paris with only 30 minutes until closing. DeeDee felt I should have sprinted to the Mona Lisa. Instead I ran to the poster rack in the gift shop and saw all the art in one fell swoop. Pretty clever on my part, I felt, but she disagreed. Whatev. I bought a postcard and scooted on outside to take pictures, as if I was cultured and wise...which I'm sure you have figured out by now is not exactly a truthful assumption.

COMMUNITY THEATRE: Now we are really reaching aren't we? Do I really want to see the local postman, who has always dreamed of being an actor, stuff his boney ass into some green tights and star in PETER PAN? If you want to see that, tickets are on sale in downtown Sonoma, CA right now. Have fun.

And finally, this blog will be an excellent escape from ELECTION '08. OMG, I CAN'T STAND IT ALREADY. GAG I'm predicting a Barack Obama, John Edwards ticket vs. some Republican dumbass and a bigger dumbass VP candidate. You know, I was listening to some election ballot casting bullshit on the tv, and I told mom...we managed to elect Abraham Lincoln, but we bicker to death around here about how messed up our voting tabulation machines are. Has technology realliy helped us in some cases? Don't get me started.

So, I hope this recap has you bookmarking the blog and I hope you have fun with me, only 2 days to American IDOL!!!

Take the Survey!!!

I put a survey up on the blog today. Fun. I love those things. Just trying to spice up the blog in anticipation of the new season of American Idol. Changed the template too. I like the new mellow colors. I'm getting so excited about AI. Pauler Abdul seems to be doing the early buzz work on the show, which is disappointing to me. I want to see Seacrest and Simon.

Anyway back to the surveys...I plan to change those each week. I think it will be fun. Feel free to suggest survey topics too!

More later...I'm having a Pajama Day (don't get dressed ever, just wear pjs all day) with laptop propped up while I watch hours of playoff football. Dallas is winning right now...not that I really care. I'm forcing myself to sit still and relax today. I am exhausted from the holidays and my mom's visit. I'm also depressed because my mom is gone. I miss her. She's so funny, it's like the clown left the circus around here.

OMG...we passed the 10,000 mark

Since the birth of the blog, I have had 10,000 visits to the site!!! Quite a milestone! It's been tons 'o fun and thanks to everyone that comes around to read, hopefully laugh a bit, and write me their thoughts too.

AND WE ARE LESS THAN ONE WEEK AWAY FROM NIRVANA....THE RETURN OF AMERICAN IDOL.

Some past winners and losers....pics below. Do you recognize the little boy?





Of course, I will have lots to say and will be blogging like a psycho when it all comes across the big screen.

I leave you with some thoughts...

When we start watching this, remember that somewhere in that stack of hayseeds and weirdos, there may be a new Carrie or Kelly emerge...or a whack like Jessica Sierra who is going to rehab for one year, as of yesterday.

That's the fascinating part for me!!!

Cole

Can it get any scarier?

Dr. Phil has blown it up now. And the Spears are calling him on the carpet.

You know, I wish I had written my version of how this saga would pan out...because honestly, we know we could have predicted something. How's this??? Jerry Springer escorting her to Jessie Jackson's school for troubled girls in Atlanta, where she will reportedly give birth to Pat Sajak's love child. I mean...can it get any more bizarre? Can it really people?

Back to Dr. Thrill. I wonder how he is going to recover from this. Next we are going to see him getting all huffy and puffy and crying or whining. It's going to be bad. Maybe Ellen will get back in the spotlight asking Dr. Phil for recovery help from the loss of that Issie dog.

More later......

Do I Dare Bring Up Britney on my blog...

Well, what kind of gossiper would I be if I chose not to talk about the latest Hollywood happenings? And, there are some people that are concerned that I am unaware of the goings on with the Toxic Tart...so I sort of feel compelled to answer your questions...

???: have I heard about Britney being hospitalized?
A: Yes
??? Can I believe it?
A. Yes
??? What do I think will happen next?
A. Hollywood never would have never written a script like this, it would have been deemed unbelievable. Since the writers are on strike, we can't even ask them to speculate and ending to this story...so let me recap the plot of this sad tragic story thus far...
It all began in a land far, far away known as Louisiana...and this little cute girl became part of the Mickey Mouse Club. And she fell in love with a fellow Mouseketeer, Justin Timberlake. And they made lots of hit records in their boy band and with her dressed like a little whore in a Catholic girl school uniform, singing "Oops I Did It Again", And then the money starting pouring in and the little rock star became a global phenom. And JT ran away. And she was left to seek solace with the nearest penis, which she found several times a week, married one in Vegas for 24 hours or so, but one, Kevin Federline, stuck around her the most, which was easy being one of her backup singers. And he married her and they declared undying love forever. And they decided to forgo the birth control one night and that little mistake is called Sean Preston. She almost dropped him on the streets of NYC once, remember. That was after she decided it was a good idea to use him as a cushion between her and the steering wheel while cruising Malibu. And despite their declarations of undying love and another mistake named Jayden, she cut Federline loose with a multi-million dollar settlement that was pretty good due to an ironclad pre-nup put together by a good legal team (back in the day when someone besides Jacoby and Meyers would represent her.) And then the real fun started. She went and shaved her head one night, and got some tattoos to boot. Then she beat up an SUV of papps with an umbrella. And then she went to rehab for 24 hours. And then she went to REHAB again for 30 days. And she got in a few traffic accidents too. And she bombed on the VMAs. And she invited some papparazzis into the bathroom at Taco Bell, which is starting to get stalked by the papps as badly as The Ivy on Robertson. Recently she hooked up with a papp who is married. And somehow, while all of this is going on, KFed, that dumbass backup singer, is deemed Father of the Year by LA Co. court, and can take those kids to the moon and back, but she can't even drive them to Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar without a court appointed supervisor. Which I thought was really overkill, but it seems that precautionary measure paid off big dividends last night when she must have apparently got ahold of some bad ice or ate some mushrooms from her yard, as she appears to have taken an unknown substance. The story picks up at Cedar Sinai where the lawyer (who quit, but that has to be approved by a judge), her dad, and Kevin show up...to find her strapped to a gurney looking like she thinks she has been abducted by an alien spaceship. And we won't see her again for 72 hours atleast. Whew....

If this were made for tv movie, who would play the roles? I don't think anyone would touch this with a 10 ft pole. This bitch makes Anna Nicole Smith look like June Cleaver. I'm simply not buying the excuse that she is sick anymore. Ok, if she is so sick, how does she find her way to Starbucks and Taco Bell and the Gas Station on such a regular basis.

So, that's my recap, and there is absolutely nothing she could do that would shock me. I really could care less, because I think she is selfish person that has no idea what she is doing to those boys that never asked to be born to a freak. Britney is not the first or the last bad Hollywood mom...Judy Garland and Joan Crawford never won Mother of the Year.

I'm not judging someone that is obviously mentally unstable. But what I don't think is right is giving her chance after chance to try to keep her from hitting rock bottom. They should have just let her hit it a long time ago by stripping her of kids when she first fucked up. Now, if they don't throw her in jail for contempt of court for all of her infractions, they are simply enabling her to continue to do harm to herself and all around her. Ok, so non of this is funny anymore, but that's what I think...and I'd love to know if you care or think otherwise.

To tell you the truth, the thing I hate most of all of this is how her dumbass is screwing up my favorite show Entertainment Tonite, and all I want to see is Katherine Heigl wedding photos dammit.

By the way, I hate Pat O'Brien. That pervert, former rehabber, acting all pompous and judgeworthy of the Toxic One. He's so hypocritical. I can smell Scotch on his breath from my tv set.

bye now

OMG My Mom is Hysterical

You know how you think you are the funniest person in the world? (Doesn't everybody or is that just me?) Anyway, my mom has been here for about 7 days now and we are starting to wear on each other's nerves. Last night she tried to tell me how to cook, and that's not cool. I don't care if she taught me. I cook better. Or atleast I have more gadgets.

Goddammit, she's yelling at me to get off the blog and I better not be writing a thing about her on it. Oh I swear I should have never told her about this. It's really my sister's fault. I digress. Oh for Fuck's sake, she is now tap dancing and humming god rest ye merry gentleman. I sswear I cannot make this shit up.

Anyway I had this shopping list going and she picked it up and read it. Then she came over to me and said "What are dick ears?" I said "What???" And she said, "this list says dick ears right by the parmesan cheese. I said, "Give that to me..." and sure enough it said 'dickears". I could not stop laughing. I almost burst an eardrum. I read it and read it and finally decided I had written crackers.

Anyway, here's the list. You be the judge. Hope you laugh as hard as we did.



PS, After hours of laughter, my husband admitted that he wrote it on the list when I wasn't looking. Now I am questioning my entire marriage decision. What the fuck is a dickear?

xoxox

Out with the Old and In With A Snooze

OMG, TV is so bad. I can't believe it. Those freakin' writers and their strike, which I totally support, but really, you're wrecking my world. Making me responsible, read books, vacuum, speak to neighbors and rent movies. It's killing me.

OK, speaking of movies, I have a wiz bang of a story to start off the New Year. As many of you may or may not know, my mother is currently visiting from a faraway land (Tennessee) where she retired on a lake to live out her days in peace and tranquility amongst the hillbillies. Her 2 best friends do not have debit cards and fear the computer as if it were a terrorist toybox. My mom constantly complains about having to wait for them while they write checks. LOL. Well, one of the ladies is an avid nature photographer, and has no problem with the digital camera. However, she did not know that something other than the walmart photo lab could also use that memory stick...like a freakin' computer. The other day my mom showed her some pictures on her new laptop and the lady literally ran out of the house to the store to buy a laptop. Dumbass. Anyway, I digress. I was going to tell you a funny story about watching movies with my mom. We sat down to watch "Knocked Up". Well the opening credits looks like a public service announcement for the Weed Smoker's Society of America. Not to mention the jacking off etc. I quickly turned it off. "Mom, I don't think this is rated "Over 60" and I don't think it's appropriate viewing." Couple of days later we have run out of tivo tv, and hubby wants to watch it, so we turn it back on. People, let me just tell you, that movie scarred my mom. She has not stopped talking about how terrible it is that that pretty girl (Katherine Heigl) has such a terrible time with that cussing pig guy. And then she said to me yesterday...out of the blue..."You know what they should have called that movie?" I reply, "No mom, but I really wish you would let it go...do we need to find you a therapist?" She sez, "No, but they should have called it "Fucked Up" not "Knocked Up". I almost wrecked the car. Once I dried my eyes and caught my breath, I looked at her and she was shocked as I was. I said, "Oh wait until I tell my sister." She said, "You better not". My poor momma is so naive and sweet. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But she hates when I say fuck. I hate it too, but they don't have Fuckers Anonymous yet, and no self help books like "How to stop fucking saying fuck every third word of every fucking sentence you speak". Or How's this for a title "Fuck is not an Adjective". It's just sad, but it's part of my dramatic dna gene. It's like I am a computer loaded with fonts, but my vocabulary came loaded with colorful words and phrases...like "Oh for Fuck's sake," I love that one. I got it from a nice sweet girl at work named Adrienne.

So, in the New Year, which I am chanting "It's going to be great in 2008" (hoping if I say it enough times it will happen) I have heard from a lot of you, wishing me happiness and health. I send it right back to you again. Love, hugs and kisses. As you can tell by my demeanor, I have not returned back to work at the Factory (as AmyB refers to it now that she no longer has to punch in there!) and therefore I am not stressed out yet. I am thinking about buying a mini refrigerator for my cube so I can lay in a supply of fresh chocolate, cheese and lo-fat salad dressing, water and I bought these tiny little ice cube trays that freeze water into little tubes that slip into a can of soda or a water bottle. Fun huh? I have to drink more water in the New Year. I think my insides are shriveled. We drove to LA for Christmas and my husband forbid to me to drink more than one soda so I wouldn't have to pee. We had a standoff to see who could go longer. Well, the car ran out of gas, so we had to stop, which sort of ruined our contest. I tell you, that drive on I-5 is so boring...even a bladder busting contest is fun. Oh, and we passed this car that was a Prius, full of prankster college kids who were just trying to piss everyone off by driving slow in the fast lane and watching us freak out as we ran up on their bumper. I kept telling Greg...they are just taunting you and my Lexus has already been in a wreck this month so get off their ass. They finally moved over and just busted up laughing as we stared them down. I thought that was pretty funny actually. Stupid uptight dumbasses in the Lexus losing their minds because they couldn't drive 85.

Well, I am getting so excited about AI, but I can't write about it yet. I just have to wait and see a few more promos and really start seeing them show up on Entertainment Tonite. And people start gabbing about it around the office. Then it will be good. This Starbucks I'm in, is full of do gooder worker bees. They are so happy and hopped up on caffeine. Lots of people wearing suits and pantyhose. Its definitely not the videogame employees I'm used to.

I'm working on my Best and Worst of 2007 list, which I will finish up today probably. I had it near completion until yesterday when some new shit hit the fan...

More later...
xoxoxo ColeyB