Here we go...show time for Season 7 Finale

Ok, as always, I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Why? Well, because...I have no idea.
Nice crotch shot of Ryan. on that little flying pillow.

Syesha...you get to sing with SEAL Girl you won that one sista'. I lOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Seal. He's just he sexiest thing on that stage ever. This duet is not the best...don't cut any records. Where's Heidi Ho? Imagine she got to rehearse with him. And touch him. And have him sing to her....omg. I'm going to hyperventilate.

Well, people, the tivo bar says we are 20 minutes in...and I have gotten all my money's worth so far. Now, the Love Guru shameless hawking is going to start to bug me, because I don't want to see the movie one :30 sec trailer at a time.

Jason Castro...well, there you go. The show takes it's first steamy poo. I didn't even listen to it. Bloop Bloop Bloop.

Cool, they won a hybrid Ford car. Awesome. OMG< Donna Summer is coming on? What...oh no they dressed them like her. Amanda Overmyer is not having any of this shit. She can barely dance and sing at the same time. She's the only one in pants. OMG, her solo. I cannot stop laughing. I can't even type. She sounds constipated. OMG, they dug up Donna in a rehab in Vegas, no doubt.

Ryan Seacrest is wearing eyeshadow. Carly Smithson and Michael Johns get to sing a duet. Nice for them. Bloop Bloop...couldn't listen.

Jimmel Kimmel. Nice. This ought to be good. OMGl Sanjaya sighting. JK, is pretty funnyl And may God Bless our new American Idol. ha ha.

Oh boy, our top 6 guys. What, they let MJ sing a song not from Queen? Hey, the stripper is back. Duuuuuude. JC. Chickezie. oh, people, if you slap down $70 bucks you can see this live this summer. Are you going to do it? Nopers.

Oh boy, Bryan Adams is here. What happened to him? He could have been behind me in line at Taco Bell, and I would have never known. Click Click ...no time for that shit.

Oh, my JORDAN. She's in the Princess castle.

CD and Zzzz Topp. Now they better let him sing, because they sure can't. Dude he is living the dream. Up there singing with the power trio. My husband said he has seen ZZ Top 8 times. EIGHT TIMES. hilarious. Oh lord with the guitar solo. OMG, I wish they had put him with someone better, but whatevs. I'm too young to like these guys.

WTF? That Mikaela Gordon is a hooker...a goth hooker. She is absolutely the most obnoxious person I have ever seen on tv. I want Miss Gentry's tshirt. That was awesome.

Graham Nash and Brook White. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...someone wake me when this snooze a rooni is over. Oh, perfect time to go to the kitchen for a sweet treat. mmmm.

OMG the JONAS BROTHERS. That middle one is a hottie. HOWEVER, I am too old to drool over these pre-pubescent little boys. They make Zac Efron look like the ugly stepsister in Cinderella. That little rico suave dude in the silver suit is just so Miami Vice hot.

Who the fuck is this lady with a red purse. Pat has come from the audience. She is dressed to the nines. OMG, not bizarre talent tape. OMG, they brought that crazy ass dude and a marching band. Now they have ruined this show and turned it into a fucking circus. OMG, now I hope David Cook doesn't win this shitty show. Ok, I'm over it.

One Republic dude looks like Spencer Pratt. Archie is getting to get his groove on. Nice job. He actually looks like a grown up when he's not wearing a white jacket. Squinty eyes and all...he's having some lip licking fun with this song. Love this song. That was nice. Now look, where the fuck is George Michael. I heard from my east coast tipster that he's on. And Seester tried to call and blow the ending for me as well.

Oh yeah, Jordan is on. Of course, she has to be, she won last year. Hey, you know what? This girl is great. Of course, she was my favorite all of last year anyway. Is she taller? My husband said, "Why did they put her in high heels"? Is my husband gay? Why does he turn guy while watching this show? He loves this shit. If you knew my husband, you would die laughing. He's a car mechanic kind of dude. Like mr wrench...and he loves this SHIT. And TOP CHEF...and his race car.

OMG. Ben Stiller Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. as PIPS. Now that is some funny shit. FUNNY shit. funny shit. A SUPA STAH, BUT HE DIDN'T GET FAR. Jack Black is going to split his britches. This is one long ass song. RBJ is gone OH, nope he lost his pants. OK, that was funny. Best filler shit in 7 seasons. I give them that.

Carrie Underwood is coming up. OH, I hate this song. But isn't she a little vision in white. That girl is absolutely perfection. I am not kidding, my husband said her coochie is hanging out. Ok, well, there goes the gay theory. He's checking out coochie, so I'm safe.

Oh, look the Guitar Hero ad has Archie in it too. Only he had to wear boxers. David Cook got to wear tighty whities. They both could have used a trip to see the olly girls at SunSet Tan.

Oh good the girls are going to drag George out of the closet. Oh, look at Janis Joplin, she did not even remember those words. She forgot those freaking words. That was stellar. OH, look at little Chikezie. The David's are like the 2 brides at a gay wedding. They are being paraded about, like a couple of guys at a commitment ceremony. It's such a big celebration of the 2 Davids. Hey I think I just say MJ elbow jab DCook. Amanda Overmeyer just forgot all the words. ok, yes she did. On her solo. OMG, she flubbed. Poor thing. I bet they kick her off the tour. She hates this shit. Now where the hell is GM? They've hit all the good songs. WTF? Ok, here he comes. Oh Pauler is going to drop dead. She is so excited. Oh y'all. George is not perserving well. See, little kiddies...play with drugs and your hella hair falls out along with your teeth enamel. And he's British so his teeth didn't have a good start to begin with in life. if they had a Lifetime Channel for Men, they would be playing the George Michael story 24/7. He has been down every wrong road possible, except those blocked by traffic jams caused by Boy George. He looks like Bella Lagosi. I love this song. I think I'll just listen to the one on my 8-track from college. I saw him in concert. First American tour in 17 years...oh, he had a cold. Oh how sad. Well, that's ok, they probably won't let him have cold medicine in rehab either.

Ok, this is it people. Live with the results. I think David Cook really wanted to win. Look at him. And Simon gave a really nice speech.

OMG OMG OMG. HE WON HE WON HE WON. I CAN BARELY TYPE I'M CRYING SO HARD. DAVID COOK WON! Oh, man what a great win. yippy skippy. Finally, I'm vindicated for the heart break of my loss of Daughtry. And we don't have to endure all the Archuleta interviews over the next couple weeks. Awesome. Now, we can finally find out if winning idol hurts a rock star's chances.

Well, people, it's been one hellava ride. I know it was a boring season in ways, but one of my favorite finales and my favorite winners since Carrie for sure. I will never forget the Bo and Carrie finale. I have never cared since then. Until tonite. And I knew David Cook would be fine, no matter what. I am so happy. I love the winner song, actually. And I absolutely have not stopped crying. They keep showing his brother bawling. Remember how DC came with this bro to watch him audition and ended up trying out as well. ha. Here comes the confetti. thanks god I recorded the news afterward cuz this shit ran over. And his brother mouths to the camera...'that's my brother'. Oh, the tears. I can't stand it. I am a big bawling baby.

So, what will I talk about until next January. Well, stick with me, I come up with funny shit now and again. I travel, I wreck cars, I get hospitalized, and there are always good stories to be found at Rest Stops, don't forget. And I love to hear from you as well. Don't be strangers this summer. Send me good tips NJ Fan...I love your secrets. I will always be mining the freakin' internet for David Cook news, for any idols who have nipple slips, any rehabbers, etc. Should be a tame bunch this year. BUT you never know.

And now for my top 3 favorite funnies from this season:

-false starts: Brooke White
-forgotten words: Whoopi Weave Castro only to be topped by Amanda tonite in the George Michael montage of musical melodies
-forgotten place in time: Pauler Abdul

Love to you all...xoxo. It's been a blast!!! Season 8 in January....can't hardly wait already. I may audition. Tee Hee.

ColeyB