Before we begin, I'd like to take this opportunity to crown Jeffro the "Blog Fan of the Month" as he has reached into his own pocket and spent $15.00 more a month to upgrade to Comcast "Project Runway" level, in order to receive Bravo TV. Sorry you had to do that Jeffro, but that's what you get for living in the mid-West where they don't appreciate edgy tv...and surely it has been labeled "gay tv" which is why you had to pay more for it. But I digress. No one has ever spent money to show me the love more than you Jeffro...which sort of makes me feel like a hooker, since I put it that way. Anyway...on to the show...
So, here's our goofy ass cast. Much like Idol...we will quickly see the contestants start to break apart into the 4 common food groups of a reality show contestant:
Front Runners: Actually show talent right off the bat...let's hope they don't peak too quickly or suffer the cocky syndrome burnout and self-implode.
Radar Dodgers: This is where I put someone like David Cook...didn't peak too early, had red bangs at the beginning, and kept his hotness under wraps until the end, quiet demeanor
Weirdos: Usually lots of Piercings and Tattoos, talk alot of personal hygiene issues or obsessive compulsive habits. Never really see them shower much, or eat solid food..lots of alcohol consumption in the evenings
Assholes: Immediately start tearing down the competitors and bragging about themselves. Lots of trash talking followed by lots of trash walking...by the models forced to wear their clothing that should be in the dumpster. Sneer and Jeer
Ok, so here's the lineup of the people. Jerrell is from Los Angeles and therefore he absolutely is no longer my favorite. He's a liar. He was listed as Houston TX and now has disowned the great state to claim to be from LA. He's dead to me. The usual everyone comes in and meets their new roommates. There appears to be a nice mix of people. It looks like we have plenty of people to divide into the 4 food groups. I already see weirdos and radar dodgers. Those are easy picks. One guy admits he has a crazy obsession with tanning. Mr. Sup Holla... You know who he immediately reminds me of? Kato Kaelin. OJ Simpson's backyard stoner renter. Ok, so that guy will be a great story line I can already guess. He will skip out of something to find a tanning bed, or burn the loft down with a blunt. The a-holes are hard to identify right off the bat, usually they start off as big ol' ass kissers before they sharpen the knife and stab you in the back. And the front runners are just hanging back...could be confused as radar dodgers as well.
Back to the Runway...so this show is going to fold out as follows...
1. The challenge. This is where they get their instruction on what they have to make and what are the rules. This is the high speed scramble gathering the supplies for their creations.
2. The work and critique. They start sketching, cutting, cursing, bitching, yawning and it looks like a bunch of shit on a dress form...and then...
3. The runway. That shit on a form gets fitted on a stick thin model, a girl that is one Altoid mint shy of an anorexic coma...and then
4. The little chat. Heidi kicks the contestants off the runway and sequesters the four judges for their bitch session about the crapfest they just saw, and then, they cheer up and talk about all the fabulosity they saw and pick a winner from the pile.
5. The results. You're in or your out. Loser gets to kiss Heidi twice...but no touching or tucking $1.00 bills in her top.
And that's how this show rolls.
My thoughts on some of the contestants so far....Morticia is whining about black plastic garbage bags. Please vote her out...please, put us out of our misery because that 'dead behind the eyes' woman is absolutely already grating on my nerves. My second least favorite is the Asian guy. Right now, Asian men are on my hit list. I don't like them. And I don't care if that is racist. The guy at Amazing Wok yesterday was supposed to make me Szechuan Chicken NO SPICE...and I could barely swallow it, it was swimming in those red peppers. Unfortunately it was take out and I wasn't wasting $72.00 in gas to return that shit. The other Asian man on my hit list shall remain nameless. He knows who he is. I digress. Suffice to say, I don't like this cocky bastard "on the forefront of fashion industry, own my own business "Form" and blah blah blah... he already makes me want to strike his shins with a tire iron. He MUST go. Fingers crossed. Next guy is Suede. Do you think his mommy named him that? Suede has a marijuana patch on his jacket. He and Kato will get along. Ok, there are two African American woman that look just like the drummer for Lennie Kravitz...maybe they thought they were auditioning for LK and accidentally ended up at Bravo? Next chick, coming from left field, Portland Oregon...do you know her AmyB? reminds me of Penelope on Saturday Night Live. She's talking through her nose and has no inflection in her voice. OMG. Awesome clothes Calls herself the Silent Fashion Assasin. Love that. The Silent Assasin...that's what my husband calls his friend that farts quietly. Another Nerd alert girl. Wesley has divine clothes. Normal Dad Joe. Joe Daddy is his name. May be one of the few straight guys on the show.
Here's the challenge: Go to a grocery store and buy some shit to make clothing...be creative.
Alright, let's start looking at the work. Look at this designer that appears to be a chemist. Dye and bleach...that's displaying some mad skills. Joe Daddy's pasta dress seems pretty groovy as well. And what the hell is KatoKaelin doing...did he grab a bag of Depends and some car floor mats? Hey, that chick with the mops is whipping and weaving. That looks pretty cool.
Awesome, all the tablecloth people, as I CALLED IT, are getting busted for being slackers. I told you so. They said innovative...dumbasses. Anything that isn't weird or unexpected is not innovative. And Asian dude is so creepy with the shower curtain. Me thinks he saw Psycho shower scene one too many times. Enough of the freaking trashbag whiner. We get it, you cheaped out and bought the 2 for $1.00 box and it ain't gonna look like patent leather.
Ok, this is my favorite part of the show...seeing what Heidi wears on the runway. I always wonder if they can see her cooch. You have nice legs Heidi, we get it.
Ok, people pulled forward ...those are the losers. I know it. Yep I was right.
Oh, I was surprised mop top didn't get a top score. Ok, out of the six remaining I am going to say it's between Solo Cup dress and Vacuum Bag dress. OMG, THEY ARE ripping Asian dude's dress. Bye Bye Asian dude, you are going down. Unless trash bag lady goes. It's a yawn. The 7 foot model is staring straight ahead just focused on getting back to that tin of Altoids, thinking she is going to treat herself to 3 for dinner tonite.
Kelly, that is my fierce pick of the night. You know why...because that crazy bitch used office supplies...the wire-o from a spiral notebook to hold the back together. And she even took the time to burn the freaking coffee filters. What?
The Solo Cup dress is pretty good too, but it's not very pretty. It's not something you'd choose to wear just because it happens to cover your privates and hangs from your shoulders.
Heidi called one dress butt ugly. Kato got a 'hideous' from the guest judge. They are not pulling punches this season, for sure.
Alright, it's time for the winner. I'm going with Kelly and her vacuum cleaner dress. It was so cute. and Innovative. She nailed it. And I'm just going to say...she falls in the radar dodger food group. Watch out for her. Solo Cup boy is a weirdo, perhaps. Ok...here we go.
WHOO HOO! I'M 1 FOR 1 THIS SEASON!!! Let me remind you, I identified David Cook early, so let's see how I do this season. You have to give me four more weeks atleast though.
Jerry must go. Jerry must go. Jerry must go. Puh-leeeeezzzzzeeee. WHOO HOO... I'm 2 for 2 tonite. OMG, I couldn't be more thrilled. Take that faux hawk greasy mess head of hair out of here you dope. Bye now. Don't let the dressing room door hit you in the ass on your way out. I'm sure you are a nice guy, but I cursed you 3 paragraphs ago, and I'm sorry, you didn't stand a chance.
Next week: Tim is seen telling Kato Kaelin that his dress looks like a dinosaur in a gay Jurassic Park. If anyone has been to Gay Jurassic Park, it's Tim and he knows. Stay tuned bitches. It's going to be good.
xoxo...thanks for watching.
Can't wait for your first review experience Jeffro. Make it good.
2 comments:
So, I turned on Bravo and just get a bunch of snow. Turns out, my TV comes with some kind of gaydar transmitter that scrambles all things fruity. We call it the Midwest glitch. Once removed I now enter the tornado that is Project Runway. I am a little overwhelmed. So much going on that I now discover note taking will be key. My wife walks into the room takes a look at the tv and then at me then back to the tv then back to me and says, is your "friend" RAUL joining you for this. I just look at her and say "Cole". She just walks away shaking her head. I don't know all the names yet but what is up with that dude with the blue hair, Squeak? Suede, that's it. Did he just say wack -a -doodle? Am I the only one that finds it funny he left the cock out?? He looks confused. Like he thought this was supposed to be at the Real World 45 set. Wondering when they were going to do body shots and start putting things in places we don't talk about. Hey look, it's Tracey Chapman!!! I always wanted know what happened to her. I'm glad that Cole mentioned Heidi"s dress length. That must be a normal thing. I was starting to think that was going to be the first challenge, coming up with the lower half of her outfit. Are all designers this arrogant?? Everyone thinks their outfit is the shiat. Also, it looks like everyone is trying to coin their own catchphrase. What was it that Blaine said?/ Grill licious? Girl licious? I do know one thing, they need more of that Tim dude. He looks like a college prof then he talks and it's Fabulous 101. I think I am going to have fun with this one.
Jeffro-licious
OK so I didn't have a good night...accidently deleted Days of Our Lives so decided to watch Big Brother and wait til like 9:30 to start watching this show. Well I look at my little red dvr light at 9:15 and IT IS NOT ON!!!! OMG So I went and immediately started it and missed the first 15 mins. They were leaving the store and starting on the "dresses".
OK some really were interesting like the cup dress, the dyed vacuum bags but MY GOD the thing Jerry did was just down right awful!!! What was he thinking? And why the dishwashing gloves? Right up there was the trash bags...what a complete moron. They both should have left.
This does remind me of Top Chef which I love. It goes by so quick.
Thanks, I think, Cole!
Post a Comment