Yep, got my lazy buttocks out of the bed, and hauled it onto the bike at 8:00 am on my VACAY!!! Can you believe it? I couldn't sleep any later, was up and at Starbucks, where I posted from this am, and then I went for a cruise on the Schwinn. I road out to a flower farm, and then around a vegetable stand. It was so freakin' cool. I felt like I was 12 and free as a bird. Very, very cathartic. I road nearly 5 miles. Not bad for day 2 of exercise from someone previously allergic to sweat.
Speakin' of sweat...we almost had a meltdown tonite. We went to dinner at Greg's (hubby's) 90 year old gma's for lasagna tonite. She served chinese chicken salad as an appetizer. (stop laughing now). I swear to God I lost 15 pounds from sweatin' it was so f'in hot in her apartment. I finally found the thermostat and it read 84 degrees. At one point I tried to preoccupy my mind my reading her cookbooks. Then I started diggin' through her recipe file. Then I told stories about my childhood in Kansas. Then, I noticed my face stinging, went to the bathroom and realized a rash was starting at my hairline. My face was starting to melt at the salt pouring from my pores...a rare occasion and my skin was hatin'. So, I went into Girl Scout Survival mode. I thought to myself "ok Cole, you can't be rude, but you are going to die in here, so let's figure this out". So, I thought, Ice cubes...let's offer to empty her ice cube trays. Offer everyone new drinks. Ok, that was great, but my husband caught on and said "stop standing in front of the freezer". Busted. Then I decided to run my hands under cold water for as long as I could without looking like a freak. That helped. Then I decided to just fucking leave. I went for a walk in the air conditioned hallway of the old folks apartments. It's like the nicest old people's complex I've ever been in. It's like a Marriott hotel!!! And I chatted with a few geezers. I love old people. Anyway, I go back in just in time to hear grandma talking about how my husband stepped on their dachsunds balls and got bit in the ass for it. Hilarious. A 90 year old laughing as she is talking about Greg stepping on Charlie's dog balls. This family is nuts. Then they proceeded to tell me stories about how Greg used to repeat his dad's dirty mouth, because he didn't know better. Wheeled up on his big wheel in the neighbors driveway and said something like "Good Morning Dirty C(*&suckers" to the neighbors one day. He had heard his dad hatin' on them, and thought that was their name. Again, I married into this....
And now you've waited long enough...so I must tell you the best part of the day...we visited the "dark side" of the family tree...you know you all have a branch that you wish you could hack off but you can't because they are FAMILY. Well, Greg's cousins are a little on the, shall we say, questionable side of everything I stand for. Drugs, identity theft, ex convicts, and yet when you meet them, they are the nicest people ever. Anyway, I got introduced to him today and his girlfriend and let me tell you, they could not stage a Hollywood set as good as what my eyes saw in this crazy house. Forever burned into my corneas were the framed GED certificates along with the graduation cap...and only 2 feet away, in a MUCH nicer frame, was her INTERNATIONAL STAR REGISTRY certificate, where of course Crystal bought herself a little piece of celestial magic. OMG, I almost bust a lung trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. I had to quickly call my sister and tell her everything in real time, or fear I would forget it. Did I mention we were dropping off toilet paper because they were out of money?
We left there and went to a pawn shop looking for vintage fishing gear. And then to a flower farm. God, vacations are the best. You just float from Costco, crack den, pawn shop, and flower farm...all in an afternoon. Tomorrow it's off to the Hood River, Mt. Hood and watching the salmon swim upstream. We are buying some fresh fish and Ranier cherries for taking home. I can't wait. If they try to take the cherries from me at the California border I will eat every one of them right in their face before they will get them from me.
Well, that's it from Oregon. Two more days. I'll have 4th of July parade pics soon, where Uncle Roger is driving his John Deere tractor through town. They wanted me to walk along side and throw candy. I begged off so I could take pictures. haha. Hope you all have super 4th of July bbqs and tons of fun with friends and family. I guarantee I will!!!
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Because of circumstances that are hard to explain, I've dated a number of guys in the past couple of years from Washington State and Oregon -- but for as long as I live, whenever I hear or read a reference to Mt. Hood, I will always be reminded of Beverly Cleary and her Henry Higins/Ramona Quimby books. Actually, I think all of her books with the exception of Dear Mr. Henshaw (one of my favorite books ever -- God, what a great, great book - you know, for kid-lit) were based in Oregon.
And thinking of Ramona Quimby makes me forever happy - because those were my favorite books as a little kid (and before I entered kindergarten and got scared by the man, ie. the strip conduct system, and became a quivering little perfectionist until I turned 15 and snapped out of it, I WAS Ramona Quimby/Fudge Hatcher (from the Judy Blume books - Fudge was basically the male version of Ramona) all wrapped into one.) - yay for random memories.
Your cousins once removed (is that how you say it? Cousin-in-laws doesn't sound right - I think it's once removed...no matter) sound like a hoot. I don't know how you managed to stay straight-faced. And you're so right about how every family has a dark tree branch. My family has several branches that are so dark, they might as well be dead -- and the antecdotes would make great stories, if only I didn't have to admit some kind of familial relationship with the people involved (and I'm not even talking about my more immediate family, which on my dad's side anyway - is so similar to the Ewings on Dallas, it used to be a joke when that show was on the air - like they were all aware of the fact that they were just like the Ewings - I mean, really, it could have been called The Warren's - because the similarities are eerie.).
But framed GED's -- framed star certificates. That's just classic. Like, you can't write that. That's just fantastic.
Happy 4th! Have a great week!
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