Let's Hear It for the Boys

Gonna try this from the laptop in real time.

Ryan is dressed like a Las Vegas dealer.

Rudy is up...he shakes his moneymaker pretty well. NICE teeth. He's a little weird and jumpy... finishing out those s's and t's. Kind of sings with a mouth of marbles. Overall...he's ok. Let's hear what the judges say. Simon hates him we know already. Next.... nothing more to say.

Whoa, get the hell out of here. Blades of Glory...Will Ferrell and Napolean Dynamite in a new movie as figure skaters. CANNOT wait to see/own that movie.

Backup Singer Brandon...California boy. I'm going out on a limb and saying he will make it really far. He's cute with a Capital C. Here he goes...Ooohh...he's smooth as glass. I hear girls swooning all over America. Sadly, I just remembered this is a spooky MJ song. Oh well, he's busting it out. Ooh, I hear a little pitchy-ness on that run to the high note. Let's see how Simon axes him. Well, it seems that they are giving him some good feedback because they care. If he sucked and they didn't care, they wouldn't even give him the time of day.

Oh I forgot...I am going out on a limb and picking a male winner this year.

Sundance Head from Texas. Please don't oversing it. He's very emotional. What a teddy bear boy. Nights in White Satin...wtf. Please, someone call Britney and ask to borrow her shears for that damn goatee. I think I see remnants of today's lunch in there. And I love you...oooh...off pitch. Randy? Right on Paula? Mmm...she's put on her big girl panties tonite. OK Simon...enough. The man is going to cry. Oh, there will be worse to come, I'm sure

ok, if I listen to this guy with my eyes closed, its' a different guy. Barefoot Paul Kim is ready to go. Now I am a sucker for a George Michael song. One that is really full of love angst. Falsetto...mmm...Perez would say Falshitto. Dude, what the ? picking a song where you can't hit the notes. That's like me saying I'm bringing in cupcakes and putting elmer's glue as the icing because I can't make frosting! For the love of foot fetishes Simon shut it about the feet. Ok, enough. Shut it down Ryan. Oh, look at Ryan's feet. They are so white and shiny. Sexy. I love Ryan. I love his facial expressions. The grey t-shit is still talking. [that was not a typo]. Ryan wears lifts. He said it, not me.

Chris Richardson, mmm. an ugly Justin T. He just admitted to looking like JT. how weird I called that. He's in the restaurant business...translate...waiter. Holy shit, Bo Bice ripped this song...and this sounds awful. This is painful. oh God get off the stage. I'm dizzy. Well, I guess if JT was singing this song, this is what it would sound like. But really Boy Band version of Bo = dooky. Randy and me are not seeing this the same. Paula...yes it felt like a brand new song because we didn't recognize it. Simon...bring it. ok, he see's potential in girl votes. Ryan is officially the AI version of the big Broadway hook. Sweep him off the stage. Next.

7 to go. Unimpressed thus far. Nick Pedro can't remember words from last year....let's see. Mmm. ok, little pitchy. Not the falshitto...he hit it. Has a boyband sound...not bad. Pretty good. As they say, nice control of his voice. Randy must be hungry. His bypass must be off track tonite. I think he is low on sugar. Simon..I'm going to disagree with everything R & P say, likes his charm. Mmm. Good feedback grey tshirt.

Beat boxer Blake...I'm thinking he's groovy. Finally ...somebody that sings something on my ipod. LOVE THIS totally. Ok, best of the night so far. Great stage performance. Randy got some chips at break, and is coming back. Take another sip of Coke. Paula, right on. like your hair tonite by the way. Simon, hello, I just said the same thing. We're so simpatico.

Note, all boys are Ryan's height. I think he has it in his contract this year.

Sanjaya, maybe your parents don't let you and sis out to the mall. But there is this stuff called POP Music. People your age really dig it. You ARE Boring Me with This...even if this is Stevie Wonder....he's old. Randy, rip him for this...ooh, he did. I love when I pick the way it's going to go. Here goes Simon. The irony was the most used word was "I don't want to bore you with this..." Ha ha. Dull as dishwater. Sanjaya just pee peed his pants I think. And inside he is thinking, I better get to the mall and find some younger music. Ha, Paula said, he's gotta get out there...and I'm saying "I Tunes" dude. Get it.

Chris Sligh, I love this voice. Hate the hair. I know they are going to put the Elliott Yamin spin masters on him. Strategy and song choice. Mmm. I can't get past the sweet blush cheeks and the lisp. High School talent show. You love the 11th grader that has the guts to sing this. But American Idol? Ok, judges love him, so they are goign to let him slide a bit. Oh my God, Simon just said some weird student gig. Simon just called Ryan sweetheart. Ugh oh, a fat joke...Tella tubbies. Ooh, Chris has some nerve going at Simon week 1. I wouldn't do that.

Jared...nerves hit some bad notes. Like this song though. recover boy. you can do it. nasally nose singer with a killer smile.
oh my God, i swear I type this before Simon talks. Simpatico. We are so nsync. I agreed with all 3 on this one,

AJ Tabaldo - I predict something weird from the UPS man. Will he deliver falsetto or falshitto. Oh, I couldn't resist. Oh, I like this song, but sadly, not alot of these guys pulled music from the recent charts. What's up with that? Oh Paula is out of her chair. Meds kicking in. She's got numb butt...gotta get the circ back in her booty. Randy, cool. Paula, cool. Simon...he's going to say something weird. I can feel it. Ok, he's pulling out the theme park performance card...but finishes with a good comment.

Phil Stacey is the last ...new poppa guy. A sailor boy. Good god, he pulls out a Country song by Sara Evans. This is sounding like a trainwreck. Whoa, I typed too fast. He's bringing it. Slow start, and picked it up ....best of the night, hands down, in my humble opinion. Cute wifey. But sadly, he ain't close to my favorite baldy Chris Daughtrey. I wonder if they will compare him to Daughtrey, because he will not measure up. Let's see what judges say. Mmm. blah -r blah, blah - p, Simon - well, he made some good points. Oh, and here it is, the Daughtrey comment. I called that one.

Well, one thing is pretty evident tonite. Simon gets paid too much money because I can make up the crap he says from my couch. Other than that. ..I'm underwhelmed. Those chicks have a wide open door AND better bring it. Otherwise, I'm going to have a hard time writing this ding dang blog.

For me. Blake Lewis and Phil Stacey win tonite. Sanjaya is out like the little nerdy nerdinski he is. And I'm just saying the sexy, hot black guys are going to rob votes from each other.

Until tomorrow...