Week 2: The Girly Girls are Back

Right off the bat, in the intros, that Lesley Hunt bugs me. That Haley girl looks like a contender. She seems polished. And I'll give Barbarella's stylist props for her cute retro dress. I like it
Gina Glocksen: A Heart song. Good one, and she's doing a nice job. Looks great too. She's good but a little pitchy. She's no Kelly C that's for sure, but she might get there. 3.5 Carries Pauler had a cowlick installed in her hairdo this evening. Simon is confused as to who she is. Whatever. Good stinger from Pauler about taking fashion advice from Simon. Nice tattoo...we are going to call her Tats

Pauler has been to "How to be a Judge and Not Look like Drunk" school. She's doing well the last week or so. Oh Hell Seacrest...don't point to Lakisha showing off some leg. She has chunky legs, let's not pretend she's got dancer legs. It doesn't matter if she doesn't, but let's not pretend she is super model thin either. Don't call her out either way, but if I'm being totally frank, wearing an orange tent for a top is not flattering. But it doesn't matter...this is not America's Top Model.

CryBaby Alaina is up next. Ooh, first note and this chick is WAY out of her league. Dixie Chicks? this song is a power house voice song. She will sound terrible. Every note sounds sharp. Oh this is not working for me, not on any level. 1 Mikela
R-did not start off good Randy, were you asleep? Ok, now he comes to his sense...it was a mess and all over the place. There is reason why I voted this girl off last week. Simon: Randy in a sprint race..this girl ran out of steam. 1 Mikela again...and that's generous. She really should get Dos Mikelas.

LaKisha, who is nicknamed JenJr. is up next on a midnight train to GA. She looks great. Love her hair. Pauler is groovin' to the tune. Of course, Lakisha brings it. She ain't named JenJr. for nothing. 4.5 Carries Simon wants this chick to come out and be a star in week 2. Come on Simon. Let her come into it. She ain't singing for the trophy tonite, for heaven't sake. Let her build up to it. Shut up Simon you stupid grey goose.

Melinda Doolittle better DoAlot tonite. She better listen to the feedback on JenJr. and bring it. We need to see some P-e-r-son - a lity. My funny Valentine...one of my favorite songs of all time. Lounge act...I guarantee Simon will say soemthing about a smokey bar lounge singer. Damn these people need to figure out this is a pop music competition.. or atleast music relevant to the contestant age range. Like last nights Jamariquia? can't even spell it because it's so hip. Ok, back to DooLittle. don't care. 3 Carries Randy said it was hot. Ok, maybe I am wrong on that one. Still didn't like it. Simon: Oh, Simon loved it. Ok, so I missed on that one. I think she could do a better song, that's all.

Boobies Antonella is up: Dedicating to brother. Sweet. They will bust her for pulling Celine out. But if I'm being totally honest, she's giving a somewhat decent performance. She's actually doing a nice job at the end. 3.5 Carries. Ha Ha..I called it. NEVER sing Celine Dion dummies. Never. Simon slammed her. Wow, I would curl up in a ball if I was her. Yow-zah

Jordin: pitchy better pull it out. choppy, bad arrangement. Not really working out...some nice notes...but rough. 4 Carries
Randy gave her props for ability/age ratio She'll keep getting better each week. Pauler's mom gene comes out and gives her a nice little pep talk. Simon: I feel a stinger coming. Oh, he's being nice. Nice Simon.

Stephanie Edwards: Nice song. I thought she looked the most like a professional performer...looking stellar and really nice vocals. 4 Carries. Beyonce and Halle Berry. She is so pretty and polished.

Leslie Hunt: red bugs me. I can't put a finger on it, But I am going to put that aside and listen with my ears not my eyes. Hey where's the stripper pole? This girl is going to start flinging clothes any minute it seems. I think she is doing modern day yodelin and skat'n I don't like it. 1 mikela I hated it, Judges: whatever. No comments discernable as relevant ....oh, Simon is coming back around and he's right...this was not memorable. Shut it Pauler with the ice cream story,

Haley: I really like her. She's engaged to Bobby. Hey Haley, this isn't therapy, this is your dedication. Ok, someone is rocking it...not all that well, but it's ok. She's got Beyonce' moves down. I really hear the background band more than her though. She isn't loud enough, to me. If that song would have been a hit, she would have been alot better. She was a good performer. 3.5 Carries judges: Well they got the background thing like I did.

Sabrina Sloan: She does a really nice job. I think she has a solid voice and is unique in a way. Again, picking Whitney or Celine is trouble. They will nail her for Whitney, just like they did the last chick. 4 Carries Judges: wah, wah, wah. I get tired of them by the end of the night. They haven't found their groove yet for me.

Oh, why oh why do we have to hear CryBaby sing Dixie Chicks in recap. Oh, that was doubly painful. That girl is out.
So, tonite, it was JenJr. Stephanie, Jordin and Melinda DoAlot. I'm telling you if you didn't put all the sisters in your final 6 you messed up. Those power voices are going to the finals.

Leslie and Alaina are going home tomorrow night. They better drink up on Foxes dime tonite. And steal all the hotel shampoos and the complimentary robe, because it's bag packing time and back to the salt mines from which they came.

Week 2: Guys on a Mission

Boy rating system is in play this week. The ultimate is 5 Daughtrys. If you perform like a talentless troll, you get a Constantine.

Phil Stacey starts off the show. He's pretty cute, I'm kind of tired of all the chrome domes though. Performance isn't bad, but not a 5 Daughtry by any stretch. He has potential though. 3.5 Daughtrys. Judges: blah, blah, Karaoke. ok, next

Jared Cotter: Let's get it on. Reminds me of Barack Obama. If this band would speed up, this could have been better. They need a little Geritol. PIck it up please. 4 Daughtrys I liked it. He's cute...Derek Jeter-ish. Randy - moved. Pauler - funny actually. PUt that one in the book. Hey Simon agrees. Lord he's now on the Love Boat. Gopher & Isaac would disagree. Jared is now known as The Ladies Man. Keep up.

AJ Tabaldo: Tenacious drive. Great smile. What is this song? Mmm. He's starting off strong. Still don't know the song. And I'd be hip to liking the sexy groove, if I didn't think he was playing for the other team. Am I reading this one wrong? He reminds me of a guy in high school, and we called him Taco. It was smooth 3.5 Daughtrys for Taco. Judges: props across the panel. Same as me. Stylist props on this one. He's looking great.

Sanjaya: Stepping out looking like Michael Jackson. Oh Lord get the hook. He's rushing the song. Oh Dog, that's a pile. And by the way, didn't I tell you last week to go to the mall and find some POP music...Not Poop music. This stinks. Ouch. WE have our first Constantine winner of the night. 2 Constantines. Randy: yep Pauler: no he did not sing on pitch on that run up...blah blah Simon: ghastly lunch ... I think Simon is re-living his childhood on this one. Weak and Weird. Yep. If he lasts another week, he will be called OLD MAN.

Chris Sligh: what did they do to his hair? It's even bigger this week. Cool dude dedication. Love this song...matches his voice nicely and his little back story. He'll get alot of woman votes for this one. He's a teddy bear...which is now his name. Smooth. I think he's going to be around a while for sure. 4 Daughtrys R-yep P - real awesome S- blah blah blah

Nick Pedro: don't dedicate to girlfriends doofus. That kills your single girl lust vote. Girls won't dream that they could be your girlfriend. Nevermind. You've got Fever. Another old dumb song. Boring. I don't have the fever Nick. I've got an itch, to hit the Tivo button and fast forward. 2 Daughtrys. Randy: loved it. Pauler: Loved it Simon: exactly...no charisma. So, I think Nick needs to come back with a little more fire. Think Michael Buble, Josh Groban...not Tony Bennett. He gets no name. I"m uninspired.

Blake: My favorite. Hate the hat though. But ok, I'm not a 25 year old boy band groupie. I love his hair though. Hat hides it. Nice boy. Virtual Insanity. I liked last week better. Beat box was nice, but he's a little out of air and pitchy. Kind of talking and nice strong vocalizing a bit...but it's pretty good. Falsetto nice. He brought it back around by the end. Loved that. He's unique...that's key. It was a hard song. 4.5 Daughtrys Judges: r-ok, p- ok, Simon - mm'm I think he is constipated. Got some bad food at lunch. Isn't over Jennifer Hudson dissing him on Barbara Walters.

Brandon Rogers: What the hell? Cindy Lauper Time After Time by this guy? Is he trying to lose this competition? He better pull this out, but he kind of doesn't. Need more spark. More sexy. More Brian McKnight, less Cindy Lauper. Boring Brandon. 3.5 Daughtrys. This dedication shit is getting on my nerves. Simon: rubbish, keeping it inside. Pauler - shut it. Simon is dead on...WOW US Mr. Singer. Pauler shows her maturity with devil horn fingers while Simon talks. Oh, Simon is being a jerk about birthdays and puppies. He's a prick tonite. (back to JHudson diss)

Chris Richardson: Oh shit, another gma dedication. ok, I'm too old for this song. I do think he's doing a good job though. I think the band is sucking on this actually. I don't know what to say. I don't like this genre of music. I think I'm calling him Kfed. I don't know. I didn't like it but I have a feeling that it was good by the crowd performance. He looked good. 3 Daughtrys. Judges: liked him alot So, I was off on that one. ok, he isn't Kfed. He gets a name next week.

Sundance Head: Mustang Sally. Well, he's got some spark. It's pretty good although do they people think about the votes they are vying for? How many Mustang Sally song lovers do we have. It was better than last week. I liked the performance for sure. 4 Daughtrys. Judges: check - R; Pauler - good Simon - hates Pauler tonite. Well, he's glad we got Sundance back, but he isn't passing out too much more than that.

Well, no one blew my socks off. I can't wait until we get coaches and better music choices...hoping it will come soon.

Sanjaya and Nick are going on Thursday, I predict.

Bye Bye Idol-Izers See you with the ladies tomorrow night.

Vogue Magazine got a flame-a-gram today too!

First it was USA Today. Now it's Vogue Magazine. The article below reveals the person responsible for Jennifer Hudson's Back to the Future bolero at the Oscars. I promptly wrote them a letter. Here's the article:

Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson may have walked away with gold, but according to the actress (and many critics), her red carpet style was anything but award-winning.

In a Today Show interview, the 25-year-old American Idol alum admitted to Matt Lauer on Tuesday that her outfit was her only Oscar regret - adding fuel to a Page Six report that Hudson was forced to wear the much-maligned metallic bolero jacket picked by her stylist, Vogue editor Andre Leon Tally.

"Jennifer was kind of sponsored by Talley and Vogue," snitches a Page Six source. "Andre insisted she wear that hideous Oscar de la Renta dress with the awful, awful gold python bolero. "Jennifer really didn't want to, and so [noted celebrity stylist] Jessica Paster got her a beautiful gold Roberto Cavalli custom-made. But when Andre found out, he went ballistic. Moments before she left for the show, there was a power struggle and Jennifer ended up putting his outfit on."

Jennifer's obviously a much nicer person than we are, as we would have taken Tally to task in the only way we know how: Wrapped the man in a roll of Reynold's Wrap and sent him waddling down the red carpet instead. Cooktime: WAY overdone

So, I wrote that Andre Leon Tally a little note telling him I hope Jennifer beat him senseless with her gold statuette next time she saw him. I feel much better now.

Taking on USA TODAY's Fact Checkers

Boy, did I get fired up today. The "people magazine of newsprint" decided to pick on the Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban marriage today...with lies. See below:

Why wasn't Keith Urban with Nicole Kidman?

Urban and Kidman were photographed together around town and attended agent Brian Lourd's pre-Oscar bash. But the freshly rehabbed country crooner wasn't seen prominently at Sunday's big event, where his wife was a red-carpet highlight and presenter. He was there, keeping a low profile, a rep says. While Kidman was wowing camera crews out front, Urban sneaked in the back door and watched the show from a backstage suite.

It isn't true. I saw 2 camera pans of him seated next to her in the audience. She was on the aisle and he was to her left. And she also sported her rarely seen honking huge diamond as she opened the envelope. She didn't even wear that ring when she interviewed Russell Crowe on Oprah's "I'm taking over your job Barbara" Oscar special. She wore a simply band of diamonds.

I promptly wrote USA Today an email and scorned them for poor fact checking. Let's see if they get back to me. I'm not sure those writer's even watched the Oscars. I told them to leave the nasty lies to the rags, don't try to be hip and gossipy and be a respectful newspaper. I guess you just can't always believe what you read.

Unless I write it, of course.

Last Season's Hooker Face

If it looks like a Hooker Face, Dresses Like a Hooker Face, does that make her a Hooker Face? Well, those thigh-high rubber boots aren't exactly found at Banana Republic, now are they? This nice little girl had a crying daddy in the crowd last season, remember? God he probably has no tear ducts left after seeing this ho-bag cover. "My little girl is a hooker...boo hoo hoo. " We should have seen this coming. She was on her knees singing "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree" and we got a wardrobe malfunction when a button flew and almost revealed the Kat Cooch. She's been on the edge. It's a matter of time.

Can you imagine if Boobs Barbarella wins AI this year? What will her album cover look like? Well, we won't know because it will be shrink-wrapped in mylar plastic, with a free bonus condom, and you'll only be able to buy it BEHIND THE COUNTER at 7-11...along with Hustler and Juggs. I can't help it...that girl just makes me think she has mafia backing. I will lay off when I hear about how she sings at an orphanage or old folks home after school. Until then, she's in my crosshairs.

Trailor Hicks, Kat McPhee and My Boy Daughtrey

While trolling the wide wide world of web...uncovered these tidbits...

1. Beneath Taylor Hicks' aw-shucks, Southern-boy demeanor may lie the soul of Naomi Campbell, if "American Idol" insiders are to be believed. As a source tells Star (via MSNBC), "The minute Taylor made the top 24, he became difficult and he seemed to get worse over time." To wit: Taylor wouldn't let a bodyguard go to the potty with him as producers required, and told another to "f*** off." What's more, Hicks refused to go to photo shoots and gave other contestants the silent treatment in the green room. "He was conceited and cold," says Star's source.

Now do I believe this or not? Yes, I do. That bumpkin has gotten zippo press since the flippin' finals except he was the grand marshall at Mardi Gras. Well Kat McPhee was in the Rose Bowl parade. And well, let's see, who rang in the New Year on freakin' tv? My boy Chris from Times Square. So there. Score 1...Chris

2. McPhee. If her album sales continue at this pace..she should sell about 300,000 copies...ever. She's only sold 163k right now. Kellie Picker has sold 433,000 of her album already...just to put it in perspective. Taylor was at 623,000 last week in sales. Back to kat, if you saw her on Ellen, they brought her out with 4.3 minutes left in the show and practically rolled the credits over her final line of her song. Ellen didn't even flirt with her at the couch. It was sort of sad. They sat down just with enough time to hear Katherine say, she just wants to sing right now, not act. Whatever, we all know she just wants to be famous. End of story.

3. Chris Daughtry has sold 1.63 million albums, averaging 77,000 per week. Now that his song "Going Home" is the sing-out in the loser montage on vote out week (previously sung out by Daniel Powter "So you had a bad day") I predict a pick up. I mean people, Daniel Powter rocketed to the moon with that exposure. Mmm, Mmm. I think Chris should see some real bump from this coup. Album currently #3 album in Itunes...and It's not Over is the #8 overall song on "Itunes. Not too shab-ola. He's hot.

And no blog about AI album sales would be complete without an update on my girl Carrie. She's sold a few records since her big win on Grammy, so she is up to 4.92 million sold. Hello? She saw a 60% jump in sales the week after the show. Me thinks some people said, "Hey, she pretty good" Damn straight. :)

Surprisingly, Kellie Clarkson has only sold about 800,000 more albums than Carrie...and her's has been out longer, don't forget. I loves Kellie...but she continues to be edged by Carrie in my book. Kelly is supposed to be releasing a new album soon. Can't find any scoop on that. Wish I could.

She won! Weren't the OSCARS great?

Well, I think Ellen did a great job. I liked alot of the entertainment, and my favorite moment was Little Miss Abigail and Jaden Smith...when she politely "mmmm'd" him not to mess up, and he handled it like a pro with a funny line. We will be buying tickets to his movies one day.

So, Jennifer won, and sadly someone gave her a shiteous silver jacket thing to wear on the carpet. Thank God someone stole it from her before she went on stage. The blogs are frying her as a worst dressed for that jacket. Cameron Diaz should get a wig because that stupid vapid pot smoking hussy cannot tame her mane. Nice dress but jeez that crappy hair. Seinfeld almost stole Ellen's show. hilarious. Beyonce' was great. Almost a boobie slip, if she was any bigger...the girls would have made their first Oscar show as well. Jennifer's girls were enough. It was just a big boobie show. Reese Witherspoon is looking great. Divorce suits her well. Diane Keaton is the craziest bitch in H-wood. I love that.

Well, after all the Inconvenient Truth wins, I am taking mass transit to work tomorrow. I will walk 1 block to the Vallejo city bus, take it to the Vallejo Ferry Building, ride the Ferry to San Francisco, take the Muni to Caltrain station, ride to San Carlos and catch the Electronic Arts shuttle. It will cost me about 25.00 one way and I will get there in time for lunch, but I will have saved some gas, for sure.

More on Oscars later. I know it has nothing to do with American Idol, but the best part of writing a blog is you are also your editor, so that's that. I chose not to edit out the Oscars!

Finally Saw DreamGirls today...

I am so veclempt ... I cried so much in that movie, because Jennifer Hudson was absolutely astonishing. I felt like I have truly watched someone become a star before my very eyes. I know I idolize celebrities more than I should, but I don't care. If I don't 10 million others will, so why not me too. So, I leave that theatre with my buddy Lisa, and we both cried our eyes out. The crowd in the theatre broke out into applause 2 times during the film. And remember this flick has been in release since 12/25 2006. Christmas Day people. And there were only 2 empty seats in the theatre at the 3:40 pm matinee. Amazing. Beyonce' was good, but she is no Jennifer for sure. But she is probably the most beautiful woman in the film. Jamie Foxx is red hot.

So, I leave my Jennifer experience, drop off my friend, and head down the highway home. And the first billboard I see is for a new country radio station in Sacramento...and Carrie Underwood is staring at me as big as life. I was so happy. Quickly I dial it in and I shit-you-not, Carrie is belting out "Wasted". Unbelievable. I thought, what is this channel...Carrie 100.3. Needless to say, that station gets 5 CARRIES. About 5 songs later, it's Kellie Pickler's "Red High Heels" song. Then, I lost the feed, getting near Vacaville, switched to other stations in the nick of time to hear Chris Daughtrey. It's just amazing and sort of weird at how over the years, this American Idol show really is producing stars. Against all odds. I remember Sara and Vinnie on Alice 97.3 making fun of the show every morning. (side bar, I do not listen to Sara and No Name and completely denounce that station of shit in the am drive time. I hate everyone on there, except when they have Scott Kapouro, the gay comedienne guy, who is hysterical...think Ugly Betty's gay male asst Mark.) Anyway, they were saying that you didn't want to win AI but the exposure was good...and they were so right...after the first few seasons, those people really don't care if they get the crown, because they can make it work without AI.

So, I had a big Idol day. I can't wait until the Oscars tomorrow. Big prayers for you Jennifer Hudson! Give a great acceptance speech. You rock.

Celebrities this Season on Idol

Her fabulousness, JLo, will appear this season. I can't wait. I pray she dusts it up with Simon, but I know this is wishful thinking. Maybe a cat fight with her and My Pretty Pony Pauler. I betcha PPP comes out in a gown from Donatella that night. I swear I know she will be jealous. Or maybe she will be gunning Gwen Stefani. Now that will be the stylist dual of the week. Said to report that my resources say there will be no performance by Chris Daughtrey this season. I will have to be happy with his voice singing out the Losers each week. But BREAKING NEWS...my girl CARRIE will perform! She has NOT forgotten where she was discovered and much like a charity donation, she gives back to her career launchers. Not for free I'm sure. But she will bring the country fan to the show, like they need viewers. She of course legitimizes the show big-time. 4 hit singles from her debut album does outrank any idols launch album. KC's 2nd "non-Idol" produced album was her success. Don't know if any of you remember Kimberly Locke. She was 3rd place finish to Ruben and Gayken (Clay Aiken). Well, her album, I own it of course, was really good. She is about to release the first single from her new cd. I'll let you know when it's out.

Well, I'm driving up to Sacramento today to see Dreamgirls on the big screen. I have yet to see it, tomorrow are the Oscars, and I feel if I don't see Jennifer on the silver screen before she wins that Oscar, I will be a big ol' fake fan. I must go experience it so I can truly feel part of the win. And I know she and Eddie are going to win.

Stay dry Idol-Izers.

The First Cuts of Season 6

Our first results show. 32 million votes. wow. Insane. If you aren;t familiar with the show Vote for the Worst.com they have chosen Antonella Barba and Sundance Head to vote for last night. Seems they find particularly annoying things about these 2.

Oh wow, the star line up this year is pretty stellar. Gwen Stefani and J Lo. Wow. Not together...don't get confused. The fashion clash alone would probably scramble the satellite feed. Barry Gibb, let's hope he's in rehab or something and can't keep the commitment. Martina McBride...cool.

Paul Kim...yep, I picked that one.

Amy - One Jennifer Aniston down...although I picked another one to go. Nicole or Alaina. I picked Alaina...let's see??? Can you believe out of the girls in the bottom 3, it was the 3 Jennifers!!! hee hee. Amy, Alaina or Nicole.

And now the final boy to truck out. I picked Sanjaya ... and it's bye bye Rudy. Sanjaya is in top 4? Well, let's not forget the tweens and teeny boppers that fell for that hair and smile. Rudy is mad.

For the Love of Kelly Clarkson could they not make these losers sing.

Fantasia was terrific. I do think she is talented and hopefully Broadway will do her well.

Well, nice job Chris Daughtrey giving them the song...remember this is where Daniel Powter used to sing "you had a bad day". Right on, I hope this sticks all season, because I loves me some Daughtrey. Highly recommend the cd.

So, week one is over. Pretty uneventful. Seems votefortheworst can claim their first victory, since Sundance and Barba are still sitting in the lineup.

Rating the Idols...

I feel as we judge these idols...I need to be able to rank them. So, I'm going to utilize a rating range of 1-5. And these ratings are going to be called Carries, because, no duh, she is my favorite idol of all. Well, she barely edges Kelly and Chris Daughtrey. But I digress. If you are great..you get 5 Carries. 1 Carrie means you were more than just a little pitchy, you were shit-chy.

Bring it on Girly Girls

What was I thinking picking a boy to win this shit? Stephanie Edwards just blew it out of the water. Please make them change her Fantasia hair though. That Dairy Queen cone swirl-do is just a pile of pooey, in my cole-pinion. Pretty girl..got that show rockin' off to a good start....Mmm what's that smell? It's coming from the boy pit... I think some of those boys just soiled their skivvies. Heh Heh Heh Who's next? 4.5 Carries

Amy Krebs - eye dr. assistant, she is one of those 3 clones I have referred to earlier. Let's hope that changes. So, Jennifer Aniston #1 is up. Bonnie Raitt will be sung no less than 12 times this season, I swear. Amy doing a x-tina rip on a Bonnie song, that's original but a bit confusing. She gots the x-tina hand shimmy too, funny. DIdn't like it. Judges: R-bored, P- (parting her hair on different side tonite) - oh Lord, I think Simon is getting kicked in the balls tonite by Paula. Simon, thinks candles have personalities. Simon, shut it. Next....wait a minute..she is 9 inches taller than Ryan. hee hee Simon is even meaner tonite than ever. I can't believe he didn't tell her she smelled. The Devil is in full evil tonite. 3 Carries

Leslie Hunt - dog walker, holy petco batman...she's pulling out Aretha. I TOLD YOU...THEY KEPT HER UNDER WRAPS FOR A REASON. She's good. Moves around well on stage. Great finish...3.5 Carries

Sabrina Sloan - Another Aretha, and she was awesome. She may lose 1/2 a carrie for the spiral perm. Strong finish.. 4.5 Carries.

Boobs Barbarella - Aerosmith. Nice Tiffany mesh ring. Her mom is like 5 minutes older than her. Pretty girl, for sure. But that girl got a boob job that has already headed south for the Winter. Simon the sexist tells her she is pretty. He wants boobies out of the competition, so he can date her, I think. She sort of looks like Prince to me. 2 Carries...being generous

Jordin Sparks - Ugly Betty. I swear she is America Ferrera on Idol. Perky Perky Perky. Love her outfit. I wish I could buy that shirt tomorrow. She has a great personality. I like this girl. I'd like to give Simon a spoonful of exlax in his coffee, that meany. Oh, here she goes with some Tracy Chapman. good call. Good song for her...matches her attitude too. Oh, she's pulling some x-tina moves too. And this girl doesn't even have to get the star veneers...pretty teeth already. Randy, eat some f'in food you crabass. P - blah blah S- Nice comments he likes her. Now this hair is not a spiral perm, this is her and she is 10 inches taller than Ryan. 5 Carries4sure


Nicole T - the 2nd of our Jennifer Aniston clones this evening. (Amy Krebs was #1, if you aren't keeping up) She thinks she's black. I don't like it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't like how she jumps up and down the octaves. Backup singers are helping her out. Well, now she is getting better. Ok, she's pulling it out. She made a u-turn on Disaster Avenue. She is still in a bad neighborhood though. I don't think she should be singing jazzy black chick songs. 3.5 carries. Judges say: exactly what Cole says. Simon says "indulgent, agressive and looked unnatural and fake. If I was Pauler, I woiudl have looked at him and said, we didn't ask you to describe yourself...tell us about the girl. heh eh Next...oh, I forgot, I hate that sequin getup. I think my gma wore something like that to her Bridge Finals at the Holiday Inn last year.

Haley, "Vanessa Minillo clone" She's got the Amy Bartlett beauty mark, so pretty, She's a Texas Girl, which gets her 3 automatic Carries. I don't know what this song is. What the hell, she is into the chorus and I have no idea, You lose a Carrie if I can't even tell the song. Oh hell, is this Celine Dion. No wonder. She will never have her skinny ass on my ipod. She loses a Carrie for that as well. So, she is sitting at 3 Carries. She better bring it next week, or I'm kicking her out of my Texas sisterhood. Snooz-a-rooni. Judges: R- not happy Pauler - nice earrings blah blah blah. Simon asks how old are you? Who are you kidding Simon with these questions. It's clear your building your dating profiles for the 2007 Idol Blackbook. He mascarades his dating profiling by asking these questions and trying to make his feedback match the question. Basically he might as well have said, are you jailbait? 3 Carries

HOLD THE PHONE PEOPLE....WE ARE LOSING 2 GUYS AND 2 GIRLS TOMORROW NIGHT. THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT THE POOL BALLOTS.

Melinda Doolittle - Stepping out of backgroiund with Aretha. She has a Jennifer Hudson googly eye about her. At this point, I'm tired of Aretha. Atleast this girl can sing it, but really, why can't someone sing something from the modern era of rock or pop. Why is it so hard to select a good song that people like to hum along to? Back to Melinda. She was good. I hate to ding her 'cuz she sang a song I don't care for. She get 4.5 Carries Judges: LOVE HER. Wow, Simon sent her a love letter. That was nice. I love this girls talking voice. very sultry. I can't wait to see her glammed up.

Jennifer Aniston #3 - She's a cryer. She is going to be called Mini-Mariah. Oooh, I love Pretenders. Too bad she is no Crissy ...and no she is not so special. The song was too big for her voice. 3 Carries. Randy, running low on sugar, said the same thing as he has said all night. Why does Pauler have a big hair extension out of the back of her hair. She looks like My Pretty Pony. Simon, quoting Cole again. And again, with the looks comment. I can see him checking off "looks" in his black book. oh, now he is after Ryan for moving in on his chick. Ryan is pissed.

Gina Glocksen - come on, she can hold a note. Nice performance with only one sharp note. 4.5 Carries. Randy - good Pauler - blah blah Simon - he's tired. Bedtime. Ryan interview: she's got balls. That's good for 1/2 a carrie next week.

LaKisha - singing Jennifer Hudson's Oscar nominated song. Risky. But she has the JH boobage factor to bring it, that's for sure. She's going to belt this out. I better turn the tv down before my cats get freaked. Are you believing this ??? Are your ears hearing what I am hearing? I could not even type during that performance. STOLE the SHOW. GAME OVER ...SHE MAY HAVE SUNG THAT BETTER THAN JENNIFER. Speechless. Oh my gosh. That right there is WHY I WATCH THIS SHOW. Don't tell me you watched that and didn't have a swelling of tears in your eyes. Now I have to say, that song is moving. Even so...she is really going to be fun to watch. 5 Carries and a guarantee I will buy her cd. Randy giving the "we're not worthy" praise wave. Simon, calling it early. Which isn't good because people won't vote because they think she will win anyway. Paula ponytail is excited for her girls. Simon sizing it up. What's the score? I think there were 3-4 in different league. My husband says we are going to have a Belting it Out Black Girl Shootout. Melinda, Jordin, Stephanie, LaKisha. None of the 3 Jennifers impressed me. So, who's going home tomorrow? We shall see tomorow Idol-izers!!! 4 peeps boo-hooing their way to LAX. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya'. Again 5 CARRIES

Kelly Clarkson @ Daytona 500

In case there are any of you that don't know this already...I am a HUGE Nascar fan. Love those race cars going round and round. So imagine my sheer delite when I got to watch my girl Kelly Clarkson open the Daytona 500 last Sunday. It was like the SuperBowl of Racing and the best of American Idol colliding into 3 minutes of sheer awesomeness. She debuted her new song...One Minute..and it's pretty good. Can't wait for them to let us know the release date.

Note to Kelly: Girl, have you gotten all the tape off your ta tas yet? You were almost a JJ wardrobe malfunction. Please, Texas Sister, get a stylist. And I mean a clothing girl that does not play up your booty-ness by putting you in stretchy material. You really need to stay away from huge Elvis bellbottoms when you are vertically challenged and plan to wear Justin Timberlakes white sneakers. Hair extensions were awesome. Grandma's chain necklace should have stayed home. You rocked it, girl. You were so entertaining and energetic. But really, you should have seen what Sheryl Crow wore to the EA Sports 500 @ Talledega. She was so cute in driver leathers. You should have been in Dale Jr. red. I'll dress you for the next race...call me. No prob. Happy to do it.

Milk Duds or Hot Tamales?

Sorry, I cannot give a lot of kudos to last night’s show. I was so ready to watch some boys tear up some tunes. And instead I got Doody-duds. The kind you get when you leave the box on the dashboard too long. Mostly a mess. They better step up the training behind the scenes or we are in for some bad tv in the next few weeks. Granted there aren’t any Chicken Littles (Kevin Covais)in this batch, I can safely say. And does this say to America, we have a better group of talent this year? Maybe. I just can’t wait to see how they tame Chris Sligh’s hair. They have to rough him up a bit. Now for the girls, we better see some…




Me needs to see some fire in those bellys. No doubt we will see the bellys, as most of these girls are very proud of their navels, it seems. And there is one mystery girl in the batch…someone we didn’t see sing at all, unless I missed it. The red head, Leslie Hunt. I’m thinking Wild Card here. Why have they kept her under wraps? She does a “trippin’ on mushrooms” dance in her intro. She scares me, quite frankly. Well, I’m excited to see the chicks rock it. I hope they were paying attention to more than Ryan’s ass last night. I could some heavy flirtin’ out of that crowd. I hope he isn’t thinking of taking a dip in the talent pool. Didn’t he see where that got Paula? Pauler, as Simon says, had some stellar hair last night. I dig it. She actually did some groovy dancing and seemed more lucid than usual.

In case anyone is keeping count…this just in… Britney Shears is out of rehab again. I guess she realized that no matter which one you check into…drinking is strictly prohibited, and spending all your time outside chain smoking is not the best use of your time. I bet her head is itching like crazy now. Imagine detoxing with an itchy head. Poor thing.

Let's Hear It for the Boys

Gonna try this from the laptop in real time.

Ryan is dressed like a Las Vegas dealer.

Rudy is up...he shakes his moneymaker pretty well. NICE teeth. He's a little weird and jumpy... finishing out those s's and t's. Kind of sings with a mouth of marbles. Overall...he's ok. Let's hear what the judges say. Simon hates him we know already. Next.... nothing more to say.

Whoa, get the hell out of here. Blades of Glory...Will Ferrell and Napolean Dynamite in a new movie as figure skaters. CANNOT wait to see/own that movie.

Backup Singer Brandon...California boy. I'm going out on a limb and saying he will make it really far. He's cute with a Capital C. Here he goes...Ooohh...he's smooth as glass. I hear girls swooning all over America. Sadly, I just remembered this is a spooky MJ song. Oh well, he's busting it out. Ooh, I hear a little pitchy-ness on that run to the high note. Let's see how Simon axes him. Well, it seems that they are giving him some good feedback because they care. If he sucked and they didn't care, they wouldn't even give him the time of day.

Oh I forgot...I am going out on a limb and picking a male winner this year.

Sundance Head from Texas. Please don't oversing it. He's very emotional. What a teddy bear boy. Nights in White Satin...wtf. Please, someone call Britney and ask to borrow her shears for that damn goatee. I think I see remnants of today's lunch in there. And I love you...oooh...off pitch. Randy? Right on Paula? Mmm...she's put on her big girl panties tonite. OK Simon...enough. The man is going to cry. Oh, there will be worse to come, I'm sure

ok, if I listen to this guy with my eyes closed, its' a different guy. Barefoot Paul Kim is ready to go. Now I am a sucker for a George Michael song. One that is really full of love angst. Falsetto...mmm...Perez would say Falshitto. Dude, what the ? picking a song where you can't hit the notes. That's like me saying I'm bringing in cupcakes and putting elmer's glue as the icing because I can't make frosting! For the love of foot fetishes Simon shut it about the feet. Ok, enough. Shut it down Ryan. Oh, look at Ryan's feet. They are so white and shiny. Sexy. I love Ryan. I love his facial expressions. The grey t-shit is still talking. [that was not a typo]. Ryan wears lifts. He said it, not me.

Chris Richardson, mmm. an ugly Justin T. He just admitted to looking like JT. how weird I called that. He's in the restaurant business...translate...waiter. Holy shit, Bo Bice ripped this song...and this sounds awful. This is painful. oh God get off the stage. I'm dizzy. Well, I guess if JT was singing this song, this is what it would sound like. But really Boy Band version of Bo = dooky. Randy and me are not seeing this the same. Paula...yes it felt like a brand new song because we didn't recognize it. Simon...bring it. ok, he see's potential in girl votes. Ryan is officially the AI version of the big Broadway hook. Sweep him off the stage. Next.

7 to go. Unimpressed thus far. Nick Pedro can't remember words from last year....let's see. Mmm. ok, little pitchy. Not the falshitto...he hit it. Has a boyband sound...not bad. Pretty good. As they say, nice control of his voice. Randy must be hungry. His bypass must be off track tonite. I think he is low on sugar. Simon..I'm going to disagree with everything R & P say, likes his charm. Mmm. Good feedback grey tshirt.

Beat boxer Blake...I'm thinking he's groovy. Finally ...somebody that sings something on my ipod. LOVE THIS totally. Ok, best of the night so far. Great stage performance. Randy got some chips at break, and is coming back. Take another sip of Coke. Paula, right on. like your hair tonite by the way. Simon, hello, I just said the same thing. We're so simpatico.

Note, all boys are Ryan's height. I think he has it in his contract this year.

Sanjaya, maybe your parents don't let you and sis out to the mall. But there is this stuff called POP Music. People your age really dig it. You ARE Boring Me with This...even if this is Stevie Wonder....he's old. Randy, rip him for this...ooh, he did. I love when I pick the way it's going to go. Here goes Simon. The irony was the most used word was "I don't want to bore you with this..." Ha ha. Dull as dishwater. Sanjaya just pee peed his pants I think. And inside he is thinking, I better get to the mall and find some younger music. Ha, Paula said, he's gotta get out there...and I'm saying "I Tunes" dude. Get it.

Chris Sligh, I love this voice. Hate the hair. I know they are going to put the Elliott Yamin spin masters on him. Strategy and song choice. Mmm. I can't get past the sweet blush cheeks and the lisp. High School talent show. You love the 11th grader that has the guts to sing this. But American Idol? Ok, judges love him, so they are goign to let him slide a bit. Oh my God, Simon just said some weird student gig. Simon just called Ryan sweetheart. Ugh oh, a fat joke...Tella tubbies. Ooh, Chris has some nerve going at Simon week 1. I wouldn't do that.

Jared...nerves hit some bad notes. Like this song though. recover boy. you can do it. nasally nose singer with a killer smile.
oh my God, i swear I type this before Simon talks. Simpatico. We are so nsync. I agreed with all 3 on this one,

AJ Tabaldo - I predict something weird from the UPS man. Will he deliver falsetto or falshitto. Oh, I couldn't resist. Oh, I like this song, but sadly, not alot of these guys pulled music from the recent charts. What's up with that? Oh Paula is out of her chair. Meds kicking in. She's got numb butt...gotta get the circ back in her booty. Randy, cool. Paula, cool. Simon...he's going to say something weird. I can feel it. Ok, he's pulling out the theme park performance card...but finishes with a good comment.

Phil Stacey is the last ...new poppa guy. A sailor boy. Good god, he pulls out a Country song by Sara Evans. This is sounding like a trainwreck. Whoa, I typed too fast. He's bringing it. Slow start, and picked it up ....best of the night, hands down, in my humble opinion. Cute wifey. But sadly, he ain't close to my favorite baldy Chris Daughtrey. I wonder if they will compare him to Daughtrey, because he will not measure up. Let's see what judges say. Mmm. blah -r blah, blah - p, Simon - well, he made some good points. Oh, and here it is, the Daughtrey comment. I called that one.

Well, one thing is pretty evident tonite. Simon gets paid too much money because I can make up the crap he says from my couch. Other than that. ..I'm underwhelmed. Those chicks have a wide open door AND better bring it. Otherwise, I'm going to have a hard time writing this ding dang blog.

For me. Blake Lewis and Phil Stacey win tonite. Sanjaya is out like the little nerdy nerdinski he is. And I'm just saying the sexy, hot black guys are going to rob votes from each other.

Until tomorrow...

Who's the Devil?

Yes, the Devil indeed watches American Idol. He also creates all things evil that are the most lucscious part of this tv viewing experience. Yes, I believe Simon is Lucifer's little foot soldier. He's greedy, he's indulgent, he's arrogant and spiteful. He's tricky and empty-souled...unless he's manipulating you into believing he believes in You. He builds you up with praise..."You're Commercial with a Capital C"...and cuts you anyway. And we just can't wait to see what he does next, can we?

Is everyone ready to tune in 3 nights this week? I sure am! Tomorrow the nobody souls start their deals with the devil. Hard to tell who's going to be standing at the end. I'm clueless, since I've only seen 24 bad karaoke performances. Actually, karaoke would have been better, since they wouldn't have forgotten the words...then I'd have Baylie Brown back. Oh, don't get me started. Anyway, I can't wait to see a swinging mike stand and a backup singer or 2. And hopefully some good music selections for idol sake. Poo Whop Diddy week was killing me.

Bye for now...the Daytona 500 is starting...and Kelly Clarkson is the opening entertainment.

The Top 24 gets picked

One thing is apparent…3 of those girls in the Top 12 are clones. Same hair, same Jennifer Aniston chin, same head tilt. I swear, you’ll see. Another thing I keep thinking…they better get most of these girls to Stylist 101 quick. They all look like they raided Tara Reid’s closet. Or as Lu puts it. “Stupid Hooker Face” girl…she can’t sing. I love that. I called a girl at the salad bar “hooker face” today because she took the last roll. She didn’t hear me, thank goodness.

Speaking of hookers, can you spot the AI finalist in among the dumbos on the beach below. 3rd from the left is none other than BFF Antonella Barba, the Jersey girl who’s BFF got Booted Off Forever…now she is a BFF to a BOF (LOL). Pic is courtesy of “Vote for the Worst” website, which might be sending AB to the finals if she keeps up her hooker ways. I just love the word hooker.

Seems to me there should be something in maybe your Middle School Sex Ed class or maybe Political Science where teachers spend a day in the curriculum teaching kids to keep their clothes on if they ever want to be famous or a politician or both. And in the 2nd half of class, teach them to wear panties when they do become famous, and finally, when you do inevidentably screw up and sleep with your best friend’s wife, get out of a limo while going commando, or vomit all over yourself on the way to the Grammys, teach them to admit to it immediately and go to rehab. 3 easy steps.

The Road Ends Here for Baylie Brown

Why does this show always smash and dash my hopes at identifying the winner early? Why do they do it…I’m going to tune in until the last credit roles at the end of the last show. I’m going to buy the stupid dvd. And still, they killed off Baylie Brown. I was so ready to INK her name in RED SHARPIE as our next American Idol. She’s Carrie Jr. for God’s sake. But sadly, it appears that on the day they were handing out memory sticks, she forgot to mark her calendar. Girl could not memorize a stupid song. Dumb ass. Bet she remembers the words as she milks those stupid cows back on the farm. I think she should run away from home…go to Nashville. I lived in Texas for 29 years and never-ever heard of that silly town she is from. Course, it probably just sprung up about 2 months ago. Only has 1,000 people in it and a Wal-mart, no doubt.. Whatever. I’m still sad. It will take me 3 episodes to get over this. I am naming my next cat Baylie in her memory. Baylie Bronn. Maybe I’ll rename my current cat Bella. She’s sort of stupid and won’t notice I bet.


Enjoy the show tonite… Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hollyweird Week Begins

Finally…what we’ve all been waiting for…

No, not the results of Dannielynn’s paternity test...

Yes, my friends, it’s Hollywood time on American Idol. After some rather painful…ok, I’m going to say it…shiteous tv, we finally get to see the talent. It was so bad, I wasn’t even motivated to write to you all about it. The single funniest moment from the painful weeks was a good one though…the girl that asked where Simon was from, and Ryan replied, “Well, Simon is British”…and she started ranting… “Well, he needs to get back to British, and leave us American’s alone”. Funny for the obvious…and also because he brought the show to the US. J Later, Seacrest made more references to “My friend, Simon, from British, Paula from LA, and Randy from everywhere”… very cute.

Before we go any further…Woo Hoo and a big “That a Girl” for my favorite American Idol winner, Carrie Underwood. She won 2 Grammys on Sunday night and the coveted “Best New Female Artist” award was a huge nod by the industry at her acceptance. (or so they wrote on the internet). Anyway, I saw her interviewed several times this weekend and that is the award she most wanted out of the award season. To have a country artist recognized in that category was huge. (Albeit, her Eagles tribute band performance, was a clear “cross-over” performance…until they linked her back up with Rascal Flatts.) I was so surprised to see a music show that I actually had a lot of the performer’s music on my IPOD. I love John Mayer, but Simon Cowell would definitely give him a rash of “that’ is simply hideous” in reference to his “orgasmic” facial expressions. Did you hear that when Ryan Seacrest stopped Mayer on the red carpet and asked him about Jessica, he answered in fluent Japanese??? Awesome. They translated it across the bottom of the screen. “She is a beautiful woman, and you would be the last person I would speak about her to”. Sting. Speaking of Sting…God is he still hot. It’s like the other Police band members accelerated their aging process and Sting is frozen in time. Yow-zah.

So, Hollyweird…here we come. All those golden tickets and plane rides to California…except for 2. The “good cousin” (remember the 2 guys, and one was bad and the other good). Well, good, it seems is a relative term, especially in the eyes of the law when marijuana is involved. Seems ‘good cousin’ likes his good-time weed. So, out of the competition he goes. And that girl they gave a second chance to…the little cute girl they chased down in the hallway and brought back…seems she did some property damage to a boyfriend’s stuff. Mmm…not sure if she if officially bounced yet, as these charges were dropped. We’ll see.

Buzz on the streets is that we are going to see some amazing talent. That’s why they showed so much crap. They wanted to build the anticipation. Some viewers, like myself, like to see from the beginning, the nobody that eventually wins. I want to be able to buy that AI Season ___fill in the blank___ DVD, and see the winner as the reject they started out! Bad makeup, 25 lbs. heavier and with bad clothes before they got ‘famously remodeled’.

So, the journey really begins tonite. Lots of drama to come. You know they will play up those girlfriends and who makes it and who doesn’t. And the sister and brother act. Can’t wait. By the way, there is a girl from Fairfield in the top 40 selected. (The show we watch tonite is not live, of course…all taped). Her name is Olivia.

Alrighty…enjoy tonite. And tomorrow night they reveal the Top 24. It’s time to pay attention because the American Idol Pool entry forms are on their way! Last year, it was a $1.00 entry fee. People want it to be more this year. Boost the pot a bit (sorry ‘good cousin’ not that kind of pot). So, I’d like feedback from you…Is $3.00 your limit…or is a 5-spot ok with you?

*Idol Up*