EARTHQUAKE!!!!!

Wowie Zowie, was that a roller. I was out to dinner with about 20 people from work at a "corporate drunk and dine" and we were on this balcony having dinner at this huge table. And the ground sort of started moving and I thought my chair was breaking or something, or the girl next to me was falling into me. It was rad. And then Matt yells, "EArthquake, everybody under the table, and we all start laughing so hard, and the damn earthquake kept going. Then we clammed up and thought, holy fuck, this ain't no joke. And then our boss freaked and hauled ass and didn't even say goodbye so she could get home to her kids. It was hysterical. I've lived in Northern Cal for 15 years now. That was the best ride so far.

Funniest news report: The newspeople always scramble to find damage, because nothing says earthquake like some broken bottles of liquor on the floor of a grocery store. Well, the EQ did not cause quite enough catastrophe, so they were forced to show some food spilled and broken jars at a Safeway store. And this reporter and interviewee were either 1. stupid, 2. freaked out, or 3. Both, because as the camera panned over the mess on the floor, the reporter says, "And just look at all the broken pickles, what a mess to clean up tonite for somebody..." and I was staring at the tv at about 20 jars of OLIVES!!!! And then they interviewed a random shopper and she looked up the aisle and goes..."Hey look at all the broken jars of pickles"...and it was OLIVES. I just kept yelling at the tv...those are OLIVES NOT PICKLES you dumbasses. Why do I care? I don't know, but I was sort of starting to think of myself as a superior being, knowing the difference between pickles and olives, and maybe I am smarter than the average nightbeat reporter. Maybe he doesn't eat condiments? Maybe I have lived a privileged life where there were always several jars of each in the door of our refrigerator (or icebox depending on your locale) and my momma spanked me a lot for putting the black ones on my finger tips and chasing my sister through the house with them at Thanksgiving. Anyway, I guess I am condiment privileged. Who knew.

So, how was your Halloween. I got 5 lameass trick or treaters. I hate that. Now I am stuck with this candy and I already have a migraine from eating so much yesterday. I even bought crap I don't particularly like. No chocolate and still...I ate the twizzlers.

Hey did I tell you about being a victim of Shopping Cart Rage at Safeway. Some ho-bag with attitude called me out squeezing her too tight down one aisle. Granted I was driving while reading my list, but really people. I didn't even hit her. She just had to stop while I passed. The equivalent of braking when someone cuts you off in a car. HOLY SHIT, and she gave me the whole ghetto sister "Mm Hmm...you know you saw me coming and you just pushed your way through" and I was stunned. I went "huh??" and she repeated herself, expecting an apology. Well, she picked the wrong day to mess with me. I shouted at her "Well too bad, that's YOUR problem you freak." and stormed away as she shouted back at me...NO THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. (nice comeback huh?) Well, of course, I felt terrible that I let this scum turn me into gutter trash and shouting at Safeway like something you'd expect out of Britney Spears mouth. And then she turned up around the next corner, and started taunting me. I just looked her in the face and bust out laughing. I think she figured out I was pretty much hoping she would realize how ridiculous she was. And she walked away. Brother. I could not believe it. Cart Rage in Aisle 4. I better not see that bitch again, or there may be Clean Up on Aisle 4. I might have to put a cap in her ass, or bust a jar of those fancy olive/pickles over her crown.

So, AmyB asked for info on the new Idol Season...and I have not really be looking it up. I kind of want to enjoy the Fall Season and I'm addicted to a bunch of shit like DirtySexyMoney...and I hate that Band show shit. Forget that. That Tila Tequila is nutso. Bunch of ugly skanks, ho bags, dumb humans with testosterone, oh and yeah, the boys.

Ok, so thanks to whoever is giving me the Carrie scoop, and I'll try to find Amy some Idol scoop.

xoxo.

ColeyB