EARTHQUAKE!!!!!

Wowie Zowie, was that a roller. I was out to dinner with about 20 people from work at a "corporate drunk and dine" and we were on this balcony having dinner at this huge table. And the ground sort of started moving and I thought my chair was breaking or something, or the girl next to me was falling into me. It was rad. And then Matt yells, "EArthquake, everybody under the table, and we all start laughing so hard, and the damn earthquake kept going. Then we clammed up and thought, holy fuck, this ain't no joke. And then our boss freaked and hauled ass and didn't even say goodbye so she could get home to her kids. It was hysterical. I've lived in Northern Cal for 15 years now. That was the best ride so far.

Funniest news report: The newspeople always scramble to find damage, because nothing says earthquake like some broken bottles of liquor on the floor of a grocery store. Well, the EQ did not cause quite enough catastrophe, so they were forced to show some food spilled and broken jars at a Safeway store. And this reporter and interviewee were either 1. stupid, 2. freaked out, or 3. Both, because as the camera panned over the mess on the floor, the reporter says, "And just look at all the broken pickles, what a mess to clean up tonite for somebody..." and I was staring at the tv at about 20 jars of OLIVES!!!! And then they interviewed a random shopper and she looked up the aisle and goes..."Hey look at all the broken jars of pickles"...and it was OLIVES. I just kept yelling at the tv...those are OLIVES NOT PICKLES you dumbasses. Why do I care? I don't know, but I was sort of starting to think of myself as a superior being, knowing the difference between pickles and olives, and maybe I am smarter than the average nightbeat reporter. Maybe he doesn't eat condiments? Maybe I have lived a privileged life where there were always several jars of each in the door of our refrigerator (or icebox depending on your locale) and my momma spanked me a lot for putting the black ones on my finger tips and chasing my sister through the house with them at Thanksgiving. Anyway, I guess I am condiment privileged. Who knew.

So, how was your Halloween. I got 5 lameass trick or treaters. I hate that. Now I am stuck with this candy and I already have a migraine from eating so much yesterday. I even bought crap I don't particularly like. No chocolate and still...I ate the twizzlers.

Hey did I tell you about being a victim of Shopping Cart Rage at Safeway. Some ho-bag with attitude called me out squeezing her too tight down one aisle. Granted I was driving while reading my list, but really people. I didn't even hit her. She just had to stop while I passed. The equivalent of braking when someone cuts you off in a car. HOLY SHIT, and she gave me the whole ghetto sister "Mm Hmm...you know you saw me coming and you just pushed your way through" and I was stunned. I went "huh??" and she repeated herself, expecting an apology. Well, she picked the wrong day to mess with me. I shouted at her "Well too bad, that's YOUR problem you freak." and stormed away as she shouted back at me...NO THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. (nice comeback huh?) Well, of course, I felt terrible that I let this scum turn me into gutter trash and shouting at Safeway like something you'd expect out of Britney Spears mouth. And then she turned up around the next corner, and started taunting me. I just looked her in the face and bust out laughing. I think she figured out I was pretty much hoping she would realize how ridiculous she was. And she walked away. Brother. I could not believe it. Cart Rage in Aisle 4. I better not see that bitch again, or there may be Clean Up on Aisle 4. I might have to put a cap in her ass, or bust a jar of those fancy olive/pickles over her crown.

So, AmyB asked for info on the new Idol Season...and I have not really be looking it up. I kind of want to enjoy the Fall Season and I'm addicted to a bunch of shit like DirtySexyMoney...and I hate that Band show shit. Forget that. That Tila Tequila is nutso. Bunch of ugly skanks, ho bags, dumb humans with testosterone, oh and yeah, the boys.

Ok, so thanks to whoever is giving me the Carrie scoop, and I'll try to find Amy some Idol scoop.

xoxo.

ColeyB

Dear Anonymous Commenter...

Ask and ye' shall receive...

You asked how many copies of Kelly Clarkson's "My December" have been sold to date...and the answer is...683,000. MY WHITE HOT Resources give me the rest of the Idol sales for the week as well, and here they are:

Daughtry is the unchallenged leader, and improves its sales by 3%, up to 20,000-plus for a total of 3.21 million. It climbs from No. 39 to No. 34 on the chart.
Carrie's Some Hearts are up to a total of 5.97 million, a pace that would take it to 6 million in three weeks.
Kelly's My December drops 149-157, losing another 10% in sales, down to the mid-4,000s. Her total is 683,000.
Elliott Yamin's self-titled debut, total is 426,000.
Off-the-chart Idols follow.
Kelly's Breakaway is still the top seller among the off-chart Idol albums customarily tracked here (I don't think we're missing any that are selling more). It sold 3,400 copies, down from 3,600, and the total stays at 5.87 million. That means Carrie Underwood's Some Hearts will outsell Kelly's Breakaway in about 3 weeks. Simon Cowell was right.
Kellie Pickler has an improved week, climbing from 1,900 to 2,200 for a total of 639,000. That edges Bucky, who sold 2,100, down from 2,200, for a 287,000 total; and Fantasia, who also sold 2,100, down from 2,200, and is at 486,000 total.
Mandisa is steady at 900 for a total of about 54,000
Katharine is steady at 500 for a total of 359,000.
Then we enter the realm of the mini-sellers. Taylor stays at 200 and his total stays at 696,000.
Clay remains at 200 and his total stays at 518,000.
Ruben total remains at 235,000.
Constantine is flat at 21,000.
Paris stays at 20,000.
Kimberley Locke stays at 16,0000
And Carmen Rasmussen has sold 2,400. I think I sold more Girl Scouts Cookies in Junior High one year.

So, thanks for asking the question, Anonymous. Keep 'em coming!!!

My Official Review of Carrie's Carnival Ride

Well....mmmm. Am I disappointed? No, not really, but am I shocked at some of the choices...yes. Is it 100% Country as they billed it...well, yes, but no. If I was going to describe the album by using country diva comparisons, I'd say there's a little bit of Wynonna Judd, Gretchen Wilson, Faith Hill, Martina McBride and Reba McIntyre. It's a dyslexic cd to say the least. But some might say, "good mix". However, here's my feelings, I'm gonna break it down...song by song.
(Note: Carrie is listed as co-writer on 4 songs...a first for her...I've noted the songs with ***)
1. FLAT ON THE FLOOR: Right off the bat we are in a country honky tonk. Never heard this out of her before. It's a bit like Rascal Flatts coming out with "Me and My Gang"...it's pretty groovy...and dare I say a rockin' sort of country tune. But Gretchen "Redneck Woman" Wilson kind of comes to mind. It's not "Before He Cheats" sexy...it's gritty.
2. ALL AMERICAN GIRL***: Oh what a sweet little song. Awesome vocals. She said in an interview that the high note in this song is going to wreck her voice on tour! It's the highest she's ever hit. Quite frankly, this whole cd is one power vocal after another. A real throat throttler.
3. SO SMALL***: The obvious choice for her first single from her Sophomore CD. It hits on all cylinders and it's amazing. Simply put.
4. JUST A DREAM: I would love this song, if the words were less death and devastation and more kitten whiskers and 50% off sales at Nordstrom. Who the fuck writes a song for sweet Carrie like this? I mean, can you just picture it. "Hey Carrie, I wrote this song about an 18 year old child bride that loses the true love of her life to the fucked up war. And the whole song is about her attending his military funeral, complete with the bullet through your heart during the 21 gun salute!!!" And she says, "Right on...let's sing it". I mean really people. This was such a buzzkill. Musically, the song is a good singer along...but I choose to sing...I won the lottery and it's such a dream......such a dream....
5. GET OUT OF THIS TOWN: I don't like the way the gears shift in this. She drops a chord and goes flat...like a half note, and it's weird. I won't listen to this song again. Nope.
6.CRAZY DREAMS***: This is a happy little ditty. It's not barn door busting...won't be a hit single I don't think, but it's no snoozer either. It's boot scootin' worthy. I could spin on this one.
7. I KNOW YOU WON'T: Here's a chill maker. DOWNLOAD THIS ONE. If you only buy one song off this cd, buy "So Small" but if you have 1.98 to drop, pick this one too. It's not country AND it's not a sound I've ever heard from Carrie. Sexy, sultry, powerful emotionally, and builds to such a great crescendo that just brings chills to me. I predict this is Hit #2 off the cd.
8. LAST NAME***: Another Gretchen Wilson trash tune. Are we supposed to believe she gets drunk and runs off to Vegas and gets married to a guy who's last name she doesn't know? I guess people believed she'd carve her name into leather seats too. It's a country rock song. She blames it on the Cuervo. (Backstory on this one...she met a boy at a backstage afterparty and was flirting with him. He asked for her number and she gave it up, and then realized she didn't even know his last name. She was embarrassed that she couldn't even remember their introduction. After hearing this, I quite doubt Carrie has ever even run a stop sign. Enough said.)
9. YOU WON'T FIND THIS: This is a good one. I like the lyrics...they fit her. I see this as a potential hit. It's another song of someone dumping her and regretting it. "There's once in a lifetime and there's once in a while, and the difference between the 2 is about a million miles". I like that. You can definitely get this song stuck in your head. Got a good vibe and break in it. Probably my 4th favorite song on the cd.
10. I TOLD YOU SO: Sappy and a story about how some dude comes crawling back to her after stupidly dumping her. Pretty little song, but I don't like the lyrics. Why does she keep getting dumped?
11. THE MORE BOYS I MEET: Let me just say "She kisses some frogs and decides she loves her dog" is the message of the song, and that's all I'm going to say. Again, is she a lesbian? Nope because she is being seen around NY with Chace (not misspelled) Crawford (google him or watch Gossip Girl...but word to the wise, a man that good looking is not straight...that's all I'm saying...he spends more time in the mirror than Madonna did during the Vogue years) I digress.
12. TWISTED: Nice little song. Can't really say anything bad about this. It's sort of a repeat of the same lyrics over and over and kind of a pop tune actually. Bottom line, I love her voice so you can't really say any song sucks. It's a good one I guess.
13. WHEEL OF THE WORLD: And she finishes the cd with a blockbuster hit. Ok, so I guess I might revise the earlier note, this is my favorite song on this cd. Spine chilling in a different way. This one is very emotional and soothing. Again, sort of a new sound in a smooth voice and the music with the strings are so powerful. You can just see the entire orchestra in the studio and the violins are so powerful. The crash of the cymbals along with the beat of the drums....it's so amazing. So, DOWNLOAD IT. trust me.
So, do I read too much into the music lyrics on some songs because I've read too much about Carrie? Do I have an image of her, and the lyrics seem fake? Maybe. Is the overall album solid musically? Oh Yeah...no issues there. They did not spare one thin dime in production. Let me put it to you like this...Kelly's cd disappointed me because it was "too rock" and too full of angst. Carrie may have tried to push the country a little too far in a few songs. I'm not being harsh, but there are only 3 songs that make me have chills. And they are great chills...sounds of Carrie never heard before. Sexy and sultry, as I said above. So, is 25% of an album being awesome enough? Maybe so. I can't wait to hear what others think.

Overall, I give Carrie Underwood .... 3.5 Carries out of 4 possible Carries. It's World Series time, so let's just say she did not hit for the cycle. Came up shy with a triple at the bottom of the 9th, but still won the ballgame. Will it sell 4 million albums? Yep. Will it hit 6 million? I'm not sure. Was it a disaster like Kelly's??? Not even close. She will go on tour and sell out the venues. Make no mistake, she did a fine job with this. Remember, I reviewed this after listening to each song exactly 2 times. I continue to love her more than any other artist out there right now. She remains 4-Star Carrie to me.

Less than 24 hours to New Carrie Music!!!

Yippee Skippy!

It's supposed to be 100% country music. Can't wait.

Carrie Underwood's new CD on New Music Tuesday!!!

In a world overwhelmed by celebrity custody battles, Iggygate and rehab musical chairs, I'm happy to report some good news...Carnival Ride, Carrie Underwood's follow up to her multi-platinum "Some Hearts" cd comes out on Tuesday. And if you buy it at Target you get a free dvd movie thing too!

I so can't wait.

The Band Show

Ok, so I know I said I was going to type in real time. Well, my broken neck is really not conducive to 2 hours of typing, so I am going to give it to you straight, this was a bit boring to me. I mean there are some bad acts and some weird shit...as the auditions show go on AI, so it goes on TBS. Sheila E is fun. GooGoo Dummy flips his hair a bit, and I do like Dicko. I think.

So, I think I will stick with this. I really think there could be some good stuff in there. Why did they stage it in Las Vegas? I'm tired of hearing about the heat. Hell, why didn't they film it at the Equator...if they just wanted to talk incessantly about the heat. Gothic Clown should have been shot in the parking lot. He's just a Marilyn Manson wannabe.

But the big moment of the night was the band called BIG TOE...with the bass player born with the birth defect leaving him with no arms. And he was a good player. But, I felt a little bit voyaristic like I sneaked into the freak tent at the circus. I mean, I was taught that it's impolite to stare.

I don't understand why they needed to have a New Zealand accent voice over guy. It's a bit like listening to the Crocodile Hunter host American Bandstand. Dicko's accent throws it off too. It's American Band search...and we have all these foreign voices. I don't know. It's weird to me. I know US is a melting pot, blah blah blah and I'm not anti-immigration. It's just that I have a hard time understand people that don't talk with Texas accents. Either have no accent, or a Texas accent. That's it. Or a Southern accent is ok too. Like Paula Deen. But not like Britney Spears. Southern trash is just as irritating as listening to bad rap. You know, Famous Julian is British and he doesn't even sound like it. And my friend Tracey at work is an Aussie. I love her accent best of all of them. MK at work is cool to listen to as well. He's an Aussie too.
Oh shit, see how boring this stupid show is...I'm off on Aussie and New Zealanders and really thinking about Flight of the Concords and wishing that show was back on HBO.
Everytime I listen to a band, and think,,,oh they are great...they diss them. I totally disagree with these judges, I swear.

Well, I'm not even going to make this post until the end of the show. I gotta go shower and get on to watching The Office from last night. I think Steve Carrell is my new favorite celebrity in Hollyweird. I really can't want to see that Dan movie next week.

Have a good weekend. Talk to you all later! Happy beginning of vacay to "Tink"...safe travels next week for Lu...here's to new beginnings as a cancer survivor for AmyB "no longer carrying the Big C" and big hugs to everyone for a great Fall weekend. Take in Michael Clayton if your in the mood for a good flick at the theatre.

Nitey Nite.

Tonite's the new "Band Show" on Fox!!! Watch It.

Ok, so I told you about the show in an earlier post. Here's some scoopage on the judges: First, "Famous Julian" has come out of hiding to comment on Sheila E. I am posting his email verbatim (means word-for-word for those slow on the know like my seester. LOL, not really, we all know she is much smarter than me. She edits my posts and sends them to me with big red "F"s for grammar and mispelling. I digress)

On Sheila E, FJulian writes:

Shiela E. is a really, REALLY good percussionist (drummer).

She's also kind of a hottie.
Or at least, she was back in the go-go '80s.
She probably still is...
...a moment while I Google...
Yup.
Still lookin fine.
That Prince can really pick em.
Her Dad was (is?) a famous jazz drummer.
I think "E" stands for Esposito, but I may be mistaken.
I saw her play with Ringo once. She was awesome.
Is she the one that did "Glamorous Life"? ... I think so.
I get all those Price galls confused.
I understand that Sheena Easton is a bitch on wheels.
And a Scottish one at that.
I met Prince once a very long time ago.
He's three feet tall.
But, holy crap, what a guitar player.
He lives in Minneapolis.
I like that town.
------
See, I'm not the only one that randomly spills forth. We went from Sheila E's looks, to FJ's touch with greatness, some name dropping and his thoughts on Prince and Prince's home town of Minneapolis. Nice job FJ.
The other 2 judges:
Well, GooGoo Dolls dude should be interesting. Atleast he's an artist in a real band currently. Sheila E gets a pass for dealing with the Purple One. And now, the British part of the show: Some dude name Dickson and he likes to be called "Dicko" and evidently acts like an asshole like Simon. Yawn. Please, there are so many people trying to be Dicks on tv now. That stupid kitchen guy makes me want to throw my remote at the tv every time I see that show being promo'd.

So, I'm going to be blogging in real time tonite, like I do during Idol, to get my initial reactions!!!

I'm so excited.

Bye now.

TV Show alert: The new Fox "Making a Band" Show

Ok, so I already have to diss them on the name of the show. I can't remember it, and therefore, it's lame. Hold please, while I go google it and I'll be right back.

Ok, so here's the best Associated Press article I found....and I googled 3 words: Fox Band Show. God I love Google. I'm not sure if TIVO or Google are the best inventions of my lifetime. I digress.
Here's the article.

After you read it, can someone tell me who Sheila E. Is?? Is she one of those girls that sang with Prince? And spun off? Am I thinking of Sheena Easton? Good lord, I don't know, and I don't have the patience to Google her.


New Show Gives Bands `Idol' Treatment

By LYNN ELBER – 1 day ago

LOS ANGELES (AP) — There's sheer bravado in the title of Fox's "The Next Great American Band." But the network that gave us "American Idol" is primly cautious about whether it's found another hit talent show.

Debuting 8 p.m. EDT Friday, "American Band" boasts an impressive group of finalists ranging from heavy metal to soul to bluegrass, and it's from the same producers behind "American Idol."

But are audiences ready for what Johnny Rzeznik, the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls and a judge on the new venture, describes as "basically like a big battle of the bands"?

"You just have to cross your fingers," said Mike Darnell, Fox's president for alternative entertainment. The No. 1 status of "American Idol," he said, "doesn't necessarily translate to the band show. ... You can't compare anything to `American Idol.'"

Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer for both series, just wants viewers to give "American Band" a fair shot. He's willing, even eager, to say that "Idol" contestants suffer by comparison to the band hopefuls.

"I can pick out five bands that I can go, `Wow, these guys are tremendous.' You can't do that with the top 12 Idols," Lythgoe said. "We're saying to the public, `Look at this talent and say you don't appreciate it.'"

Rzeznik, who joined after being assured he could be a fully independent judge, pronounced himself "blown away" by the skill and spirit of the best contestants. He also appreciated that the contest goes against the grain of today's music industry.

"People are tired of seeing really manufactured artists, who are very beautiful and can sing but don't have their own body of work," he told The Associated Press. "This is a cool process, not put together by a marketing team, a record company."

The artists "just get up there and do their thing. If the audience likes it, they like it. If not, boom, you're gone," Rzeznik said.

Joining Rzeznik on the judging panel are Sheila E. and British-born TV host Ian Dickson, whom viewers will quickly learn answers to the nickname "Dicko" and comes from the Simon Cowell school of barbed commentary.

The show's format is akin to "American Idol" but with a few tweaks. Instead of nationwide tryouts, bands submitted tapes online and about 60 — good, bad and ugly — were invited to audition at Lake Las Vegas, Nev., in what turned out to be 100-plus-degree summer heat.

Those contenders are pared to 12 finalists on the debut episode. Thereafter, two bands per week will be voted off by viewers — but without an additional results episode a la "Idol," the audience will have to wait until the following week for the outcome.

Also unlike "Idol," which has showcased pop singers from Gwen Stefani to Barry Manilow, there will be no guest acts on "American Band," produced by 19 Entertainment and FremantleMedia North America.

"This really is about the talent," Lythgoe said. Bands also will perform their own songs as well as cover versions of records.

Given the immense success of "American Idol," which Fox safeguards with just one run per year, why the delay in trying a band version? "Idol" averaged more than 30 million viewers for its performance episodes and, even in year six, remained the bulwark of Fox's schedule.

"No one thought of it," said a rueful-sounding Lythgoe. "It was only last season that I was talking to (fellow executive producer) Cecile Frot-Coutaz and we said, `Why have we never done a band show?' ... This is a perfect fit for `Idol.'"

Singers have the spotlight on "Idol" and hoofers are center stage in Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance" and ABC's "Dancing with the Stars," but bands have been left in the shadows — by TV and by the music industry, said Fox's Darnell.

"There hasn't been a band of the magnitude of those of the '70s and '80s" in recent years, he said. Whether viewers embrace bands the same way they've rooted for individual performers remains to be seen.

"It's a little harder to get your arms around a group of people," Darnell acknowledged. "Our job is to individualize as much as we can. If there's a great lead singer or a great guitarist, someone with a great story, you focus on them."

In the Dec. 21 finale, three bands will vie for a record contract and, just maybe, an instant career like the ones handed to "American Idol" winners from Kelly Clarkson to Carrie Underwood.

Or not. Dues remain to be paid, predicted Rzeznik.

"Whoever wins this contest, they're still going to have to go out there and prove themselves. Just because they got a running start and television exposure doesn't mean they're going to be playing in arenas right away," he said. "They're going to have to earn that."

OMG I broke my neck. Literally

Ok, I'm posting my latest trauma drama for a few reasons....

1. How many times do you actually get to say "I broke my neck"? And no paralysis!!!
2. I'm such a tough bitch, I didn't know I broke my neck. Isn't that cool?
3. I still don't know how I broke my neck or when, and my doctor looks at me from the xray and back at the xray and says "Seriously, did you fall, get in a car accident, get bludgeoned by a crazy person?". No to all 3.
4. My seester only knows about my life through my blog. It's a family pack to call all members with bad news immediately, because we don't want anyone to not find out and not be able to worry incessantly to the full potential. Also, every member needs equal opportunity to spew forth with unsolicited advice and to cause the person in pain more worry with additional worries. But Seester does not answer her phone regularly. It's up to her discretion. It's her way of regulating the above worry and advice. So, here's the scoop.

Technically, a bone in my neck is broken. But saying I have a broken neck is more fun. We all know how special I am. And I'm so special that I grew an extra rib in my neck. I have an extra rib. Really fitting for a Texan. Well, the problem with an extra rib is, there isn't room for it. So it has somehow gotten in the way one too many times and decided to crack and lose a big chunk. Now where is that chunk, I want to know. Is it floating toward my brain? Headed to my heart? Can we track it with those paddles they use on pregnant women's bellies? I need that bone chip found. I don't like random stuff going rogue in my body, do you?

So, I find it's most fun telling my husband, "I can't get up and answer the phone...I have a broken neck." "I can't carry laundry baskets, I have a broken neck." I wonder what else I'll be able to avoid due to neck issues.

Stay tuned...

Alert the media: I got robbed again..and ...

Of course, it was my fault. Yep, yappin' on the cellphone with Queen Lee Lee, walking into Target, my wallet either got picked or it fell out of my jacket pocket...and my leather Coach Wristlet has been kidnapped. I've cancelled all the cards. I have to get a new driver's license and all that bullshit. What a pain in the ass.

This is forever known as Shit Saturday the 13th. It all started this morning when we were going to Home Depot and our neighbor yells at us "Hey, you have a flat tire". Sure enough. So we go back up the street, park the truck, get in an argument about where to get it fixed and when and how. Argue about how much time it's going to take, argue about our anniversary dinner and when to go to that (as if it should be a pain in the ass to actually schedule...) and then I end the day losing my wallet. Shit Saturday 4Sure.

Ok, tomorrow is my 12th wedding anniversary. Let's hope we get through it without talking divorce. It was discussed enough today to last us atleast another year. Honestly, we are just too much alike. That, and the fact that we are lazy, hate paperwork, and are each other's best friends seem to keep us out of the lawyers office. I just wish he wouldn't yell at me, and he wishes I wasn't such a bitch. If we could get those 2 things fixed, it would be perfect. I'm not a bitch, I'm just always right and very opinionated in my controlling behavior. It's very simple.

Hey, there is some good news in all this. We went to the movies in the mall while Sears fixed our tire. We saw Michael Clayton (George Clooney flic) and it was really quite good. Nice legal murder thriller. I really liked it alot. I love Sydney Pollack movies. At the very least, put it on your rental list.
Tomorrow is October 14, 2007. I'm going to pull out my wedding dress and put my veil on my head and think about that hot Saturday afternoon in Napa when I was a silly little bride. Then I will probably be more depressed because it won't zip up, and hasn't in 10 years. Forget it...I'm going to cut it up and use it as a fairy godmother costume for Halloween. ha ha. Not really. Maybe I could put a big hump on the back of it and go as BrideZilla. ha!!! that would be funny. OMG, I could sew some dinasaur hump things on the back, where the zipper won't meet, and get some big green paws/claws and go as BRIDE of GODZILLA! OK, gotta go. I have some thinking to do.

What's Up???? Happy Weekend...

Well, I had a pretty boring week. But a few things kept me interested in staying on Earth a few more weeks....
The premiere of "Samantha Who?" is on Monday night. This is Christina Applegate's return to tv in a very funny role. I think it looks terrific.
Dirty Sexy Money continues to be the breakout hit on Coley's Tivo. LOVE IT. Bad news from the set...Samaire Armstrong, the woman that plays the spoiled twin Juliette, has entered outpatient clinic for personal issues. News Alert...new acronyms for rehab..OCPI. Seems if you have a hit tv show, and a dui was not involved, you go to "outpatient care personal issue - ocpi" (not to be confused as Orange Co. Privileged Idiot). Now if you get a dui, and it's habitual...not even 24 and the best Jack Bauer escape plan can keep Keifer out of the pokey. He's going down for 48 days. I wonder if he will be writing poetry like Paris. I can't wait to see how his special treatment goes.
Britney gets an overnight stay with the kids, allowed from the judge. Now I don't have kids, so it's a little hard for me to understand why this is a benefit, and why would you ask for the privilige of fighting to get them to go to sleep, the endless trips for a drink of water, the lame storybook reading, and then being awakened at 6:00 am because their diapers are dirty and they are bored? Oh, wait a minute, I forgot...she has nanny's that will deal with all that. So, I guess she wants them overnight so she can just sit in the dark and hover over their cribs smoking and watching them sleep. Did you see that the papparazzi put gas in her car the other day at the gas station??? And she sat in the car, and fired up a cigarette. yep. At the gas pump. Immediately, that scene in Zoolander came to mind. Remember when the models has a 'gas fight' and one of the dummies lit a cigarette and blew them all up??? And then....oh, just rent the movie. Better yet, buy it. It's a freakin' classic. I LOVE it.
Anybody watching Gossip Girl, and willing to admit it. Ok. Well, here's the deal. I watch it for the actresses and actors. These are the most beautiful people captured on my TIVO. One of the main chicks, will be a star. If she has good management. This chick will get roles formerly held for Kate Hudson. She has an incredible head of hair, a sexy lisp (ala Skeletor Jessica Parker) and sort of a Demi Moore throaty voice. She is the full package, and I really find watching her is intriguing. The boys are insipid eye candy. Just mute the tv when they are on. Not necessary to know what they are talking about because they are just being stupid boys. Spoiled ones. So basically, I just watch the catty girl storyline. It's an hour show and I watch it in about 22 minutes. Or until I can guess where the storyline is going and then I hit delete. Last night lasted 14 minutes. I have to sneak it in when my hub is in the garage puttering around.
Sad to report that I have wrecked my shoulder/neck by riding my bike incorrectly and typing on the laptop in bad positions. Therefore, I have to sit with icepacks on me for 20 minutes 3 times a day. Therefore, I get a pass at watching alot of tv, because I am sitting immobile in the evenings on purpose. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The X Factor - aka...American Idol with British Accents

Michael Jackson has agreed to make a guest appearance on British reality series ‘The X Factor,’ according to a report.

The King of Pop will be asked to give tips to the show’s contestants, as well as being invited to offer comments on their performances in the live episode which airs on December 1.

We’ve got some huge names but Michael Jackson really is a sensational signing. He is a truly global, worldwide superstar. And this will be his first TV appearance in Britain since the Martin Bashir interview. Given his background with ITV, it’s even more astonishing that he agreed to do it,” says an insider.

I personally will eat a bag of hair* in Times Square if this really happens. He will be jailed, in rehab, or penniless on the streets soon...or simply unable to string together words to form a sentence and appear on live tv. No way will this happen.

WTF...child molesters can still appear on tv. It's disgusting how much people forget. What's next? OJ on the Home Shopping Network selling memorabilia?

*Said "hair" in above dare will actually be simulated and made out of cherry licorice.

Skeletor Jessica Parker

Ok, now really people...who looks at themselves in the mirror and thinks:
1. This bony chest is sexy, and
2. The dress fits perfectly, and
3. I have no boobs..COOL!
This is why Hollywood is so freakin' delusional. It's like an alternate universe. Their mirrors reflect imagery that our eyes are not equipped to capture and process. So sad. She used to be so cute. And now I am starting to agree with those that call her Horse Face. She seems a little full of herself. But I hate to be judgemental.

Signed,
Trying not to be such a bitch, not doing such a good job,
ColeyB

It's SuperSpeedway Sunday!!!

The Nascar race I wait for all year is ON people. Today is the running of the Talladega Nascar Race in Alabama. The company that enslaves me used to sponsor this race about 3 years ago and I got to attend a few times. And by attend, I mean, work my ass off and sweat in what I would describe as the world's largest campground. No kidding, it's quite phenomenal actually. People show up like a week in advance and stake out campgrounds all around the track. There are so many campfires going by the weekend that you literally think the whole place is going up in flames. Those are some crazy ass people too. I was driving a golf cart one day and I swear I almost got jacked. Cart jacked.

Well, is anyone else sick of the Britney news? I know, we thought we reached an all-time high months ago when she was in rehab. And of course, Firecrotch is out loose again. Which means someone is going in...if my revolving door theory holds. Of course, rumor has it that Brit-Brit is going in for round 2. Where the hell is Amy Winehouse? In or Out? I can't keep track.

So, what is everyone's favorite new show? I need to hear!!! Mine is no surprise. Dirty Sexy Peter..oh I mean Dirty Sexy Money. The Office is favorite comedy, of course. I loves me some Steve Carrell, and Jim Halpert is so cute. I watched a little Gossip Girl. Let's just say the husband put a ka-bash on that...I believe he said something like, "I'm not watching those stupid bitches fight over those gay boys." ha. Pretty funny. Those boys on that show are straight off the runway they are soo good looking. As are the girls.

On to other news...we've had a defection in the EA camp. Our friend, and frequent commenter on this blog, Lu, has left the company. She has moved on to the competitor. And we couldn't be happier for her. But sad that she is not in our hallowed halls. Just as her dept is getting moved onto my floor. So sad. But now we will make lunch dates with each other and I'll get to hear a whole new breed of gossip. One that thrives at our competitor.

My mind is simply useless right now. Still a bit of post vacation hangover. Queen Lee Lee needs me to send pictures and I have 753 of them. I stayed up until midnight naming them and got about 400 done. 353 more to go QLL! And looking at all those pics made me depressed again. I just want to go back. Just for one more week. Ok, enough of my stupid whining. I know. You are all saying shut it. But you know me well enough now to know that I am a big drama queen whiner.
OMG...did I tell y'all about how the neighbor thinks I hate her? She told her husband and her husband told mine. And then Greg told me that I need to stop being a bitch. Well, I told him...fuck her. I can't help it if she thinks I'm smarter than her because I went to college (these are her words, not mine). She has the self-esteem of a snail. It's not like I pass out tiny diplomas like business cards, whenever I walk into someone's home. For fuck's sake I don't think I ever mention college except to say I almost flunked out because I watched Dallas and Dynasty instead of studying. I used to fantasize about Crystal Carrington and Bobby Ewing doing a spin-off. Ok, I digress...back to dumb neighbor. She's the one walking her stupid dog every morning when I am driving off to my JOB...that thing most people have that she feels SHE is too good for. In order to keep peace between hub and dummy's hub, now I find that I have to act super sweet to her stupid ass. It's killing me. But also preparing me for a future in acting. I am totally going to be on All My Children one day. I'll be playing 2-face backstabbing blogger that stirs up shit in Pine Valley.

Bye now.

Feeling better now...

All kidding aside...me and Queen Lee Lee weren't in a fight at all...I like to over dramatize about things when I am feeling sorry for myself. I'm surprised some of you that called/e-mailed me didn't already know that!!! Or you are the core "drama sniffers" that are looking to witness a good cat fight. In any case, me and the Queen are ok.

I also got some questions as to who is Queen Lee Lee. Well, she is my friend and one day I was cleaning the house up before she came over and my husband said, "It's just Lisa, not the Queen..." and I replied "It's Queen Lee Lee" and the name has stuck around our house. QLL for short.

Ok, enough of that shit. Can you believe I did not watch Grey's Anatomy last night? Has that fallen off my priority list? I chose Ugly Betty and The Office over that. Tonite is GA. I have not watched Private Practice yet. I can't get over Kate Walsh's wiggly lip. It bugs. But I loves me some Tim Daly, so I probably will watch it.

TINK!!! Sorry about your kid blowing the Top Chef finale for ya! Thanks for the laugh. I would have been so upset myself.

Britney watch...well thank got for steroids and Gay Senators...seems she is a little out of the headlines due to Marion Jones and the tap dancing old gay man.

Ok, well, back to crisis management that is my job. Today at least it's a good one. I find I should probably have pursued a career in the ER. I do perform well under pressure. I haven't gotten to use the paddles today, but I've been close. I have one project that is currently in ICU and we are performing brain surgery to remove some misplaced artwork this afternooon.

Mahalo!.

Cole

Post Vacation Blues

Queen Lee Lee isn't speaking to me. She got sick of my ass in Hawaii, I think, and hasn't returned my phone calls. I'm depressed. I have 783 photographs from the trip, and am overwhelmed with sadness of wanting to go back to Hawaii tomorrow.

Well, there's always Dirty Sexy Money on tv to cheer me up! ha! Have you watched that show yet? It's a good one! Jump on it people.

Pushing Daisies is premiering tonite. Can't wait. Looks interesting. Wish the guy was cuter, like the pic to the right!!! But he may grow on me.

Bye now.

Britney loses her kids...temporarily

Yep, she has to give up tater tot and small fry on Wednesday. Oops.

Actually, I'm super sad. Can you imagine the therapy bills for these kids when they read about their childhood's one day. What an f'up of a mom. I guess Frances Bean Cobain is ok, with Courtney Love as a mom, but only because her grandparents raised her most of the time.

Kfed better get into playgroup with other Baby Daddies like DannieLynn's poppy Larry Birkhead. What a trainwreck.

ColeyB...proud to be raised by nice parents in middle income Texas where the biggest scandal was "someone"* wrapped our front yard in toilet paper...and stole all my dad's beer out of the garage refrigerator. Good times.

*"Someone" was my sister's boytoy of the day.