Whew...I'm finally back.

I guess it's time to confess that I moonlight as a coal miner, and was one of the 33 (+1) trapped in Chile for a while.  Yep, I know you never saw me as I ascended, it was part of my covert Black Ops undercover work that I took just a bit too far.  What got me to that part of the world you ask?  Well, many of you may or may not know, but I take a strong issue with the resemblance between the Texas flag and that of the government of Chile'.

But I'm back now, my press tour with the President of Chile' went well, thank you very much.  I will have a lifetime supply of fruit delivered for my efforts in keeping the trapped miners in good spirits.  It's amazing how little those guys knew about American Idol.  And I'm happy to report that they loved it, staged their own competition and you should be see the new sounds of Juan Carlos Capitan, winner of the Trapped Miner Idol competition,  available soon at a Starbucks near you.  Early reports compare him to Yanni and  Christopher Cross with just a touch of Bon Jovi.

So, how is everyone?  I wish I had a dime for every time I've been asked about JLo and STyler joining RJack.  (note, if JLo gets letters then everyone gets letters.  I'm stopping the DIVA treatment before it gets out of control).

I don't know what I think.  But I do know that the funniest joke I have heard thus far came from SNL Weekend Update host Seth Myers who said, "This week AI announced the new judge lineup for next season.  JLo and Styler join RJack...otherwise knows as Coffin Nail #1, Coffin Nail #2 and Coffin Nail #3.

LOLOLOL  OMg,  I can't stop lauffing.  I can't even type right, or use correct grrammer.

Bye for now.

PS, if no one commetns that they read this post, there will be no more. You've been warned.  I know it's my fault but as I said...trapped in mine, blah blah blah





 

Idol Aftermath...the celebrity fallout factor

Crystal and her boyfriend have split.  Just hours before the finale.

So she lost the competition and her dude.

Meh!  She'll be fine.  He was a dudster anyway.  Seriously, I was my car in clothes nicer than he wore on TV.  I have to give him props for not wanting to just golddig and cash grab.  If he's the kid's dad, that's sad.

I bet she ends up with Kate Hudson's ex...Chris whatever his name is.  Dreadlock man.

Sorry Crystal.  Chin up.  There are lots of better days ahead.  Call Chris Daughtry and let him 'splain it to you.

xoxo

Geriatric finale...

OMG,they could have have the Geriatric Music Hall of Fame ceremony immediately after tonites show. Seriously. The first 5 musical acts were all born in the 50's. Alice Cooper, Chicago, The Bee Gees. No offense but when your founding members have died off, you're OLD. Retire already, since your voice obviously has (yes Alice, I'm talking about you. Try as they may, they could not drown you out. Ozzy Osbourne could have carried you AND that tune better. I digress).

Alanis Morissette and Crystal were absolutely the best of the night. I did love Bret Michaels...and not Pants on the Ground...for God's sake.

Every flipping time they brought out another blue hair my husband would say...warm up the paddles...the defibralator heart attack victim paddles you know! haha

When Joe Cocker came out, he yelled, "CLEAR!!!!!!!!"

omg, HE IS YELLING AT THE TV..."That old man didn't even shave. He's got a 2 day shadow going..grey shadow. That's it the last time you'll ever see him on stage again." HA HA. They had to jacked him with 20 :ccs of Adrenaline just to get him dresssed.

LOL

Ok, so just for the record...I say Lee will win, but Crystal will be the bigger record seller.

And, like all the season's that have come before...I win. I picked the winner, again. Ho..humm. Although, I do think I was stumped on the Traylor Hicks season...and we see that I was right on that one, because he went from Hero to Zero before the lights were even cool at the Nokia Theatre. Who won Daughtry's season? And I don't think Daughtry was on the stage tonite either. Kelly did not look too happy, but I imagine they could have sued her ass big time, because you know they locked her in for the reunion show back when she was a nobody and she signed her life away. I love her to death, and I don't know what Idol did to her, but she's cutting her nose off to spite her face (I've never actually typed that, is that the saying???) because if she had sung a new song off the album in the works, she would have gotten so many more record sales. But alas, she is not a sell out like me. I'm pimp my ass OUT. Ok, not really. Well, maybe. How much are we talking anyway? Again, I digress.

Seacrest closes: "We'd like to thank tonite's sponsors Geritol and Depends. And for those times you find yourself with someone special, Viva Viagra."

Yea! Chris! Another season bites the dust. What are we going to talk about over Baked Cheetoes tomorrow? Shall we have a celebratory donut?

Tonite's the final performance

Well, who do you think it's going to be?

I do think this is a close one.  But maintain Lee DeWyze will take the title.  I hope Simon claiming he will win, doesn't do him a disservice.

In other news, I am addicted to Justin Bieber and everything Justin Bieber.  I have Bieber Fever.   Here's what lead up to this addiction:

1.  Saw him on Chelsea Handler months ago.  He was flirting with her something awful.  It was like watching something wrong.  A scene out of the best Cougar movie ever.  Meow.  That little boy is nasty is such a good way.
2.  Saturday Night Live - performance.  Um...the first time he licked his lips...Meow#2
3.  American Idol - Umm.  MEOWWWWW!  Lee who?  Seriously, he is so cute.  Ok, I'm knowing this is my inner teenager.  I will be buried with my Shawn Cassidy Tiger Beat magazine and will always love me some teen hottie rock stars (though Justin Timberlake or any of those boy bands ever appealed to me.  At all.  Why is one of those mysteries we will never solve.  The only explanation is 'just because'.)

So, I am now the proud owner of both Justin Bieber cd's and am currently trying to talk my friend into taking her daughter to the JB concert in Oakland so I can tag along...pretend I am there for the kid...yawn and act bored when on the inside I am singing ... BABY, BABY...you're my EENIE MEENIE MINEEE MO LOVER.  LOL

It might also help you all to know I have the same crush on Harry Connick Jr. and Puck on Glee.  I just love musicians and rock stars.

So, hope Lee wins!  I WILL be voting tonite!

xoxo

Daughtry and wife to become parents to TWINS!

Chris and his wife, Deanna Daughtry, are going to be parents again this November.  A surrogate mother is hosting their IVF embryos, so the children will share dna with both parents...isn't science amazing and weird?

Very happy for a couple I hope survives the stardom mess.  Hope he goes the way of Jon Bon Jovi, not Tommy Lee.  LOL

Most awfulest auditionastic horridness I've ever witnessed

http://perezhilton.com/2010-05-17-the-most-awesomely-bad-audition-ever-thank-you-chris-klein#respond

Click to be sent to the video of awfulness. It's Chris Klein (formerly engaged to Katie Holmes before Tom got ahold of her).

Auditioning for Mamma Mia. Cringeworthy.

Watching the Finale to Survivor...

You know what, I still loves me some Survivor. Seriously, I love this show and if they are still showing it at my nursing home, I'll grab my cane and wobble my ass down to the tv room to watch it. Imagine Jeff Probst at 65! haha. Dipples and all.

I loved ths Heroes vs. Villains more than anything. LOVE IT. I had hoped Colby could win. It's down to Sandra, Parvati, Jerry and Russell. I honestly can't tell you who is going next. Should be good.

I guess that since there are 2 millionaires up against Russell..who never won...but who actually is a millionaire in real life, I don't care who wins.

Now on American Idol...I'm going to be on the couch voting for Lee (not literally dialing, however.  Haven't done that since Carrie Underwood and Daughtry.)  By the way, just for grins, if you could turn back time, would you have changed Daughtry's outcome and let him win AI that season, or let the cards roll as they did...where he is the poster boy for 4th place wins big.?  Leave me a comment on the blog...love your thoughts.

I don't care who wins. Sadness. I don't totally love anyone, but in order to care I had to throw down the gauntlet down in a meeting with the big wigs and put it out there that Lee Dewyze will win. Crystal will not get the little girl and cougar vote. Seriously. She won't.

I hope it turns out to be a good finale, and I hope they get Harry Connick Jr. to replace Simon. Seriously.

Cole

The Final Four...how I see it going down

Well, last night had it's ups and downs, or maybe I should say it's Pitchy and Bitchy.

I LOVE Lee DeWyze and I tell you this so you know how painful it is for me to state he f'd up that song. Seriously. I love SEAL and I hope he was somewhere far away not hearing that homicide on air.

Crystal, can you cram any more shit in your hair. Seriously you look like Big Birds Human Cousin. Any more feathers and you'll take flight. So distracting. I admit, the gaps in your teeth are less obvious when I am distracted by your snake-like tresses. Doo-doo rolls is what I really want to call them. Oops I think I just did. :)

Here's how I hope the finished order falls out.

4 - MIchael Lynche (sorry guy, when you don't believe, neither do we. me thinks you want out now because you don't want to win, and have to make the Idol record you don't wanna make, or sing at the superbowl, etc.)
3 - Casey James (tick tock...tick tock...your blonde hair is up. Enjoy your time in Nashville, making a good crossover Rock Country album. Hope Aaron Kelly hasn't already beaten you to Rascal Flatts front door. 'fraid he might have though)

Final Two: Lee wins

Crystal will lose because she didn't garner the Cougar and 14 year old girl vote. Sorry. Lee will get all the Cougars and lots of teen idol girls. Simple as that. His dimples alone are worth 20,000 votes a night.

And I saw someone mention Harry Connick Jr. as Simon's replacement. THAT'S A FACEBOOK fever pitch I would stand behind. I think he was my favorite MENTOR ever. LOVE him. Funnier than Ellen, seriously.

I still like my idea of Russell Brand though.

Ok, well, let's see how it rolls out.

Coleyb

FIND ME ON NEW BLOG...STUCK IN LONDON

HEY PEEPS!

I'M FREAKING stuck in London. Under the Ash Cloud.

So, I started a blog called "Under the Ash Cloud"

www.undertheashcloud.blogspot.com


Check it out.

Siabhan glasses are HOT

I told you guys...or was it my imaginary friends? Well, really that's the same isn't it?

Those fried eggs that Siabhan wears are going to be all the rage. I know it.

Well, here's freakin' proof.

DID I CALL IT OR WHAT?

Top 10 Performance Night

Well, I keep watching the show, waiting for some personality to pop, or some reason to want to go see this ship of fools this summer. Last night, I may have found my reason in Lee DeWyze. I was really impressed by him last night...I found some sexy swagger in that performance. I actually asked my husband to get his haircut? Was that rude? (PS, I hate my husband's haircut, as he has not changed in in 14 years of marriage. He rocks a Wayne Newton sweep back (no Snookie poof, thank God). Enough said.)

If I was looking for a date this weekend, Lee is my 'type' of guy. Baby face but a bit of bad ass in there somewhere. I could help him find it. Wink.

Siabhan is a hot mess with a voice. She's got to tone down the hot mess a bit, and find a genre of songs. She's like a Broadway singer who does the musical HAIR one week, and Phantom of the Opera the next week. All over the place. And those fried egg glasses of hers are annoying as all get out. Imagine Usher's comments after she left the room. "Dude, what is up with the Mr. Magoo glasses? That was just all kinds of wrong." I'm glad he tried to tell her to tone down the wardrobe mess.

Andrew Garcia was awesome as well. I am actually going to crown that the FIRST DOWNLOAD of the season. I LOVED that song and was not aware of Chris Brown's version.

DiDi should go home. Right after Tim Urban. And then, little bit Aaron. Here's the deal. you have to look at this from a demographic pov.

Divide up the voters: Little geek girls and the Cougars. That's your voting community. And if you think I'm wrong, go to a Idols on Tour concert this summer and do a profile. I'm not saying boys and men don't watch the show, I'm just saying they don't vote. So, eventually, the gg's (geek girls) votes are going to split up Tim and Aaron. And I'm sure a few Lee Press-on nails were lost in the dialing battle last night for Mr. DeWyze.

Michael is getting the crooner vote. Siabhan and Katie will eventually cancel each other out. It's just too early to call on this one. If you close our eyes, they are very similar in vocals. Both could have huge careers on The Love Boat.

I can't predict who is going to win, but if it comes down to who I most want to see each week, it's Lee, Casey and Crystal. Can't wait to see Usher perform tonite.

ColeyB

Last Night's Show

First...why did they Sanjaya Siabhan? Tha flipping HAIRSTYLE?

Second...why doesn't someone "ACCIDENTALLY"...on purpose crush those hideous glasses that she clearly bought at a Goodwill store?

Third...why am I still watching this show?

BOring.

Ok, so there are some good peeps, but ain't a one of them getting a dollar of my money for the showcase showdown this summer.

Going home tonite,,

Paige

Top 12 didn't suck

Well, I'm not a huge fan of the Stones so I had low expectations. they really rocked it out.

For me...this is the year where the face doesn't match the voice. The personality doesn't match the voice. Nothing about these people matches the voice.

That little Aaron Kelly singing Angie? What? Dawg?

Lee DeWyze or whatever. He's like a doughboy, but when he opens his mouth suddenly he's Adam Duritz from Counting Crows or Dave Mathews. Katie Stevens is a little Barbra Streisand to me. And that red head reminds me of Pat Benatar a bit...I know I am dating myself.

Randy, there is no Justin Timberlake this season, nor has there ever been. And he sux anyway.

Siabhan madness. For me, I hope it comes down to a 3 way shoot out with Lee, Siabhan and Crystal. Maybe Big Mike too. The rest are good but I won't go to their concerts.

Other random thougths:

Kara's clothes are uglier by the minute. She's starting to dress like Pauler.
Randy, try not phoning it in so much.
Ellen, starting to find her voice. Nice hair. Pretty eyes.
Simon...oh, he's there? It's an imposter. He's too nice.

Seacrest. He's the best. 100% solid every year and I loved his getting in Cowell's face tonite. Didn't quite seem staged, though I'm sure it was.

Jeffro, since you told me you are having twins, I no longer find it fun to flirt with you, so thanks for letting your power s_ _ _ m get in the way of the fun I had in this blog. I am officially killing my plans to stalk you in 2012 when you would have least expected it. Anyone want to buy a round trip to Indiana?

Please can some new guy step up and flirt with me now? Kidding.
And Jeffro, don't pretend to be someone else because I'll see right through it.

Looking forward to what you guys think about tonite.

Ladie's Night

Please help me invent a name for crappy performances that are worse than Karaoke in Japantown? Crappy-oke. Too obvious. Pokey-oke...I want to stick sharp objects into my ears? Last night the song choices made me feel like I was at a Wake for the passing of a famed karaoke artist. If there is such a thing. Ugh. Boring, sigh, bleh, ugh....mashpotatoes. bland. yeesh. (note my struggle not to cuss. It's against the law this week in California. Expletives return next week.)

Peeps, I must admit, this may be the last year for Idol. Unless they bring in a new set of judges next year when Simon is gone. I'm talking CLEAN SWEEP. Randy (dawg, for me, for you, I'm done) Jackson, Kara (goony goon goon) and Ellen...well, bloom is falling off that rose. And Simon has just checked out. OUT. Like he's picking lint from his belly button instead of paying attention. I'm starting to think the only thing that kept him awake in the past was worrying about Pauler starting to drool, or doing a faceplant into her drool.

So, Crystal Bowersox seems to have a lock on it, if peeps can get past the dreads and her hair. You know what dreads I'm talking about...those chompers that are the color of corn, complete with the missing vampire fangs, as my husband says. We don't mean to be unkind but simply point this out to the younger generation who are dissing the dentist and opting for the crack pipe and meth labs instead. I'm not calling her Crystal Meth or anything. Tetracycline can do that to you as well. But people, it's called Brite Smile. Look into it.

DiDi was good. Siabhan was crazy weird as usual. She looked dressed like a freaking Washington DC intern. Business, but only 1/2 way, with plenty of leg exposed for 'after hours'. Weirdness.

Hey Siobhan, Crystal Gayle called and she wants her flowers back. Really, it's sSOOO not even interesting. If you want to make a statement, utilize vintage brooches with rhinestones...hell, a cool spider web of diamonds would be fun. Flowers are lame.

I dread man night (no pun intended Crystal). I can't even tell you a guys name except hottie Casey who is this years Jason Castro. Maybe a little smarter. I have to admit, I only watch the performances this year, and none of the critiques past the first sentence they say. After that...blip blip blip.

I will hang in there peeps. I promise. i know it starts to ramp up after Top 10. Thursday nite, say goodbye to Lacey Brown and Paige whatever.

Dear Jeffro and NJ Fan...and others

Actually, it's weird. I am watching the blog for your comments...when it occurred to me that I'M SUPPOSED to write things, for you to comment on... I was really getting pissed that I hadn't heard from you guys.

Ok, so first. Jeffro, you hurt my feelings by kicking dirt in my face when Jannell got booted. I was sad. And now, it looks like DiDi is next. So yes, I am losing my touch dammit.

And, by the way, I have accidentally hurt my arm and am not supposed to type. I seriously have been going to rehab because I have somehow (knitting) gotten Tennis elbow. I have been told not to type or knit or grip anything for 2 months and must wear a brace and ice it 2 times a day.

If I hadn't given up cussing, the 4 letters words would fly right now. I'm sorry, but I am really depressed. I didn't even watch Idol this week. Yes, THAT depressed. I didn't even turn on the tv. I cry myself to sleep and am inconsolable.

Please send chocolate. And post some fun comments for me! I'll drag them to the top!

New Season...the girls....

Well, i finally got the laptop running...and they are 4 girls into the show. There are some good chicks this year. I like that Jill with the platinum hair. ARod was pretty good in second slot. I did not like the first girl Paige.

Here Hailey Vaughn, and I'm sorry but her mouth could swallow the state of Texas. OMG she is bigger than life. I'm sorry but I think she is what I like to call polarizing. You love her or she's like fingernails on a chalkboard. OMG, I know she is going to be praised and I'm scared that I am going to have to watch her for 12 weeks.

Isn't Kara pretty this year? I do think she is so pretty. Ellen is looking dapper. Simon and Randy...well, they never change do they. Or get better for that matter.

What the hell judges? I think they are being too hard on them tonite.

Ok, just for the record...Didi is really my favorite. I do love Jannell too, but it was the Kara song girl I liked the most. OK SHE BUSTED IT OUT. SIMON, YOU SUCK. I thought she was great and so did my husband. Seriously. She sang it just like Ingrid does...it's a hit on the radio for God's sake.

Alanis Morrissette chick is absolutely the awesome-est of the night. I hate dreadlocks...it just seems like it's itchy. She need's her teeth whitened. Simon, you fucking suck. I hate you, you're so mean. Hey, she talked back to him, good for her. Oh, and then he says "you're refreshing". Ok, Kara, she's actually being good with advice this year. She could be right about the coffee shop performer. Crystal has Shania Twain and Melissa Etheridge's autograph. How cool is that.

Katie Stevens is last. I bet she is good. Ok, so they slammed her too.

Alright I still think this was the best night of woman ever. Sincerely. I really do. Nice voices. They need to lose the nerves.

Boys better bring it.

And our next American Idol is....

Jannell Wheeler. She is the Colbie Caillet sound-alike. And the ponytail guy they made take his shirt off, will be right there with her. I love those two. And that cute little dark-haired Katie Thomas. Those 3 are my early predictions to be in the finals. Jannell may go out in the 4 slot like Daughtry because she will be such a front runner.

Those are my guesses for tonite.

I love Ellen. She's awesome.

Coley

OMG...one of you butt dialed my phone

Jeffro!!!!!!!!! You butt dialed me!!!!

I can't believe I still have your ph # from over 2 years ago in my phone...and clearly you still have mine in yours or else you couldn't have butt dialed me. I called the number from the missed call, because I didn't recognize it. And then your name popped up as missed call. HA.

You were in the car with your wifey I believe trying to decide where to go to dinner...6:04pm Weds. nite.

Gotcha!

Bazingah!

LMAO.

Or...are you stalking me again?

Carrie and Daughtry

Carrie rocked that anthem...until the last note. Ooohhh. yikers.

Here's some pics from the CAA Agency SB Party. Now, I'm not one to start rumors, but look at David Spade's shirt, and then look at a pic of Carrie earlier. Are they wearing the same shirt? Mmmmmm?

Oh, SNAP!!!! Scott Brown's daughter was an Idol in Season 5

Remember the high school basketball player Idol finalist? She was talk and lanky and pretty, and could sing aiiright too. And her dad was a politician? Well, Ayla Brown is the college student daughter of the newly elected to Ted Kennedy's old seat, Scott Brown. Small world isn't it?

Here's an excerpt of the USA today article:
-------


If Ayla Brown keeps a to-do list, this week's might look something like this:

-- Sort through date offers after dad told a national television audience I was "available."

-- Release album.

-- Beat Clemson.

The American Idol Season 5 semifinalist is back in the spotlight, thanks to father Scott Brown's election to the Massachusetts U.S. Senate seat vacated by Teddy Kennedy's death -- a victory that will end the Democratic supermajority in the Senate.

But Ayla had plenty going on already. The 6'0" Boston College senior plays guard for the women's basketball team (the Lady Eagles are currently 11-9). She has a new 5-song EP, Circles, available digitally today.

Ayla initially had planned to release Circles in the spring, after the end of basketball season. But when her father emerged as a star on the national political scene, Ayla's label, Double Deal Records, suddenly decided to release the EP sooner, in order to capitalize on the family's sudden notoriety.

"The record company came to me Wednesday and said, 'We're going to put out this album, because of all the excitement that's happening,'" says the Massachusetts native. "I was like, 'I thought we were going to wait till April!'"

Circles contains five songs -- a cover of Vanessa Amorosi's 1999 European hit Absolutely Everybody; one called Pick It Up, co-written by fellow Season 5 contestant Will Makar; and three that Ayla co-wrote, including No More, which she performed today on the CBS Early Show.

Gleeeeeee!!!!!!!

I have succumbed to the Glee Vortex of hysteria.

If you don't watch it, you're really missing something. I watched 2 episodes at the beginning and couldn't get past the fact that it felt like FAME, which I absolutely despise, for no apparent reason. I also hated Flashdance and Footloose. So why do I love this show?

Well, probably my irrational need to root for the underdog. I have never rooted for a team that is predicted to win. I also go for the contestant that has heart.

Oddly enough, this show has alot of real substance, and much of the drama involves the adult relationships as well. But I see glimpses of Arrested Development and other quirky kind of things that make me laugh...like the principal...Figgins...who is of Indian decent, and I love to hear him say "Sue! your monkeyshines have to stop".

And there is real drama and anger and tears. It's all there PEOPLE. There's a reason they won a Golden Globe. So get it on your Netflix cue or buy the dvd that is just out.

You can watch the last 4-5 episodes for free on Hulu TV right now too, which is what I did, to catch up. I do think I am going to buy the dvd though. The outtakes are supposed to be good.

xoxo,

ColeyB

Please get to Hollywood Week

UGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

I cannot even bare to blog about the dismal showing this week on American Idol. And the winner of the "Worst Guest Judge" Award goes to Joe Jonas. OMG, he's not even worthy of being called a judge. It's like he had an electronic prod attached to his ankle and they had to shock him to grunt out "Yeah". LAME. I swear mold on cheese has been more interesting to me that that waste of space, JJ. He's cute, but dumb as a box of rocks. Seriously.

So, sweaty guy is really all I remember of the week, besides Barney girl. Which is why AI puts the weirdo and unusual on..because America (and obviously me) love a train wreck.

Biggest Dick of a Judge Award goes to: Doogie Howser
Biggest Exploitation of Boobs: Katy Perry
Biggest "Thinks her books should allow her to be a bitch" Award goes to: Katy Perry
Biggest "I can't wait until we all say "Who" Award goes to: Katy Perry

I like her music. I don't appreciate her attitude. Do you think it was staged? Why is Kara suddenly turning into Paula. Can't that damn show appreciate a woman that is smart and not have to dumb her down and make her seem sexy = stupid? God, it's like seeing a sexual harassment "Don't" video each week.

I loved Mary J. Blige when she would crack up accidentally at the contestants. hee hee
Shania Twain was just keeping it real.
Avril Lavigne was not even worth reviewing. Go on back to your little divorced life with your kitty cat hoodie and grow the fuck up.
I can't remember any of the other judges, so I will close with just one thing:

Where the FUCK is Ellen? Come ON!~

Idol Tonite

Hey,

I have to admit, I lost my debit card tonite, and I was frantically trying to get Bankrupt of America on the phone to cancel it tonite.

So, I admit that I was a bit distracted. I kind of think it's the best way though because I could hear good voices without looking at the people's faces

Simon was so cute tonite, I have to admit. I like him, and I'll miss him. Seriously.

Well, I continue to think that this is going to be a really really talented season. Some really cute little girls. No hottie boys yet, but I DO LOVE ME SOME Cowboy Matthew. The 15 year old bank robber. What a voice. I think he's awesome. I hope he gets some good Garth Brooks songs, or some other good stuff for his voice.

They didn't put through many rats or faces with no voices this season so far. Those goofy sisters from Jersey were a hoot. What is it with the freakin' Jersey peeps and Vampires right now? If it ain't Jersey girls showing their cooch for all the world, it's Vampires sucking the blood out of everyone.

Hollywood week can't come soon enough.

Shania Twain on Idol

I love her. She is awesome. But is it just me? There were too many Paula look alikes on that show last night.

I love the girl that is propping her just dumped mom up. She's darling. She could be a Carrie Underwood. I think we have seen some pretty good people this season. And they seem to not be giving the ticket to bad peeps.

Oops, gotta go.

Here we go peeps

I was hoping they would start the show off with someone awesome. Instead we start with jiggly belly fat chick that is awful. Seriously. Natasha Beddingfield is vomiting somewhere right now.

Did I just see butt crack?

Well, we all know that this shit isn't going to be great. This is just the way it goes, so buckle your seatbelts. Oh-kay, I get it why she is on ... she keeps bringing up Paula.

Next up is Maddie Lewis, the girl with the Down's siblings. Well, sadly Hollywood is going to get to ruin a very sweet girl. Let's hope she gets the Carrie Underwood track.

OMG the big bug-eyed glasses dude. Ok, the skinny "can I get a holla" was singing Womanizer for 3 minutes before I recognized the song. Sassy Simon. Ok, he is a freak. Randy, Dude, great hang...but stop singing forever. Kara has to cop a feel of the weirdo. It will take her months to get that funk off him.

Are they stacking the deck this early for a woman winner? Woman seem to be more successful as winners. Carrie, Kelly, and Chris Daughtry are really all that have made a mark. Jordan Sparks did have that Chris Brown duet "No Air" that was awesome.
Just to remind you all. Kris Allen. Who? Ugh.

Let's dish on the judges a bit. Hey, looks like Randy got that lapband tighted up a bit...he's skinny again. Victoria Beckham is a skeletor. Seriously, the makeup is what is keeping her eyeballs in the socket. That's black grout around her eyes...holding those bug eyes in place. Simone's Hanes Beefy-T looks a little thinner this year, due to the frequent nipple poke-age.

Well, big Italian dude goes through. You know when they go to people's homes they make it through. ha ha. Free ticket to Hollywood, and home again soon Momma. What a bunch of Guido's.

Derek the spiritual needs to work on ...well I can't say it. You can see it yourself. He graditated (not a word). Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word. I like that song by Elton. OMG, OMG...I've never seen anyone that can control singing through their nose so well. OH LORD, that was great...because you know, he thinks he's good. Tivo blip

Now let's talk about these contestants. I swear to God, I dress better to go to the mall than audition on National TV. Are all the mirrors broken in Boston? Some of these chicks don't own a hairbrush or tweezers.

Ooohhhh Showdown in Beantown...Kara versus dweeb Johnny Depp wannabe. .. after the break. What a loser. He had a decent enough voice to get to Hollywood.

Ok, due to battery and internet situation conditions, I am having to cut this one short.

More tonite.

ColeyB

SIMON'S LAST SEASON......

Yes, I did just get a CNN News Alert on my Blackberry that Simon Cowell has announced this to be his last season.

Seriously? A CNN BREAKING NEWS alert...the kind you get when a Sunami hits or a plane crashes or another Tiger Woods girlfriend surfaces. REAL news. Not Simon Cowell's future. Who cares? He could use $100 bills as Kleenex for the rest of his life and still never run out of money.

So, first thought in my head...
Publicity stunt. new season starting. Duh. He didn't just roll out of bed and look in the mirror and go, "I quit".

2nd thought
Much like a Lame Duck politician, not up for re-election, he will be a force to be reckoned with...not caring about his future on the show because he's out. As if he ever bit his tongue in the first place.

3rd thought:

Fuck. I like Simon. I really do. Because he's such a character. They better find someone good to complete the trio. That's all I'm saying. Because if I have to rely on DAWG Randy and his 'you da bomb' catch phrases alone, I may have to lose it. Mmmm...who would I like to replace him. I'll tell you who. RUSSELL BRAND He's so nasty, it's sexy

4th thought:

Mmmm Russell Brand. He's tapping "I kissed a girl and I liked it" Katy Perry. They're engaged. Whatevs. All the more reason for him to leap across the pond and live in LaLa Land and do the Idol show. Puh-lease don't get someone like Michael Buble...or Hugh Grant. Boring.....

I am so excited about tomorrow night. I need to go research but I don't think Ellen makes the original auditions. Dammit.

xoxo,

ColeyB

HAPPY NEW AMERICAN IDOL YEAR!!!

I'M BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

I will be blogging again, as per usual snarkiness, as the new season begins this week. I'm super ecstatic about Ellen DeGeneres, so no haters please. I am definitely Team Ellen, while I will miss Pauler. (for those who don't get that joke, I would always type Pauler, because that's what it sounds like when Simon would say her name)

Speaking of Simon...I hear that the sweatshops in lands far away have been working their tiny 14 year old fingers to the bone polishing cotton tshirts for him in the new season. I don't look for any wardrobe changes there.

xoxo,

More later.