I'm Back Bitches!!!

OMG, I have been without my laptop for 5 days. Yes, 5 whole days when the sun rose and the sun set, and I did not log onto a laptop or anything that was 'on the line'. Why you ask? Because I needed to detox. I needed to get away. I needed to see if I was addicted. And the answer is yes. I was in a town 60 miles south of Canada that had 2 Starbucks and one internet cafe' , both of which were 22 miles from the lakehouse I was staying in with my husband's aunt and uncle. We actually stayed in their friends guest house. It was rad. Ok, so here's the deal. I was super happy without the laptop. I drove a John Deere tractor. It was 12 degrees. I nearly got frost bite. It was so beautiful. My "reset what's important in life" weekend mission was successful.

So, I'm so excited to be back to TIVO. I would trade my mac for TIVO, if forced to. Since hitting our house today, I have blown through about 7 programs. Grey's Anatomy nearly killed me. Dammit, The Office was freaking rerun city. And I am 3/4 of the way through PROJECT RUNWAY.

Ok, we have some names and characters evolving. CryBaby Ricky is just crazy. Birdman cracks me up. Dress Pooper Eliza is just insane. She licked a dress for God's sake. Tell me this...why did they all pick that awful mermaid teal color, and match it with pallbearer grey? Now, listen, how does this shit sell at retail for $40.00. Come on?

OK, so the spit fitter got good vibes. I swear, I cannot hardly go look at my closet and feel good about my Eddie Bauer, mixed with Macy's and Target clothing. I guess I am the "everywoman" they are designing for, and I would not be caught dead in anything from this show, in 4 seasons. My greatest piece of winter clothing is my chocolate brown cashmere cardigan from Ralph Lauren, which I got on discount at Nordstrom Rack. $79.00 and I thought I was spending a fortune. And really, it was regularly $149.00. 50% off and I was very concerned. These people on these shows would just slap me upside the head, I swear. So, Marion is out. Ok, so this was a boring episode, even if it did have Sarah Jessica "eat a sandwich already" Parker on it. She also needs to stop acting so much like Carrie Bradshaw, or people are going to start realizing she wasn't really acting on that show.

So, anyway, I'm glad to be back online, and I hope everyone had an excellent Turkey Day.

Heidi Klum has plumber butt

OMG...even supermodels are proud of their crackage. Just picture her the night of the event, getting dressed and shouting over to her hubby, Seal. "Hey honey, does this dress make my crack look smelly?" Why the hell would she want to have her butt cheeks and crack showing off. I'll tell you why. Because she is Heidi "fricken" Klum. Her voice may sound like Minnie Mouse, but her checkbook looks like she owns Disney. And with those bucks, her hot-ass husband, those yummy kids, and her Project Runway success, she will rock that crack whenever she wants.

Funniest thing I've ever heard her say...on Ellen show...Ellen asks, "So Heidi, anything you want to tell us about PRunway Season 4?" She replys, "Same shit, different people." It was hilarious. With a complete eye roll, as well. Makes you think she is sick to death of Michael Kor's giggles and black t-shirts, Nina Garcia and her straight ass hair and attitude and all the whacked clothes she has to pretend she would wear.

People, if you are not watching PJ4, you are not worthy of reading my blog. Log off!!! Ok, that's a little harsh. But seriously, it's worth your time and and trouble. I am going to go out and say that I love the wacko dude with the funky sideways cut hair. He's going to keep my interest. And the crazy platinum blonde chick. I don't know, there are lots of great characters on this season. I don't see any real jerko's yet. The lady that made the dress that drew the commment "it looks like her model was pooing out fabric on the runway" is a complete mental case. Hope they show lots of her. She's the one that grabbed the fabric and then jumped on the grass with it and rubbed grass stains into it to get texture. Nutso.

So is everyone ready for Turkey Day? Seriously, don't forget to give thanks before you dive into that volcano of mash potatoes that you build, complete with the lava flow of gravy. Even if you only give thanks that someone loves having you brighten their day. And most amazingly, some of these people you probably don't even know. I hope, no matter what you do, you have time to reflect on what 2007 has been and find yourself with a smile on your face. If not, you have 30 days appx. to turn your shitty 2007 around. So get on it.

xoxo,

ColeyB

Idols at the AMA's

No doubt by now you have heard that Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry mopped the floors sweeping up all kinds of mad props in the form of those glass pyramid trophies at the AMAs.

The AMA's are not as prestigious at the Grammys. 4 sure. Did you see Justin Timberlake's acceptance speeches. He was so smug. Nerd. I thought that Fergie was cool with her win. And Beyonce' was great. Maybe she is a better actress than we give her credit!

Alicia Keys was horrifying in that grey catsuit, complete with cameltoe. Ugh. WTF. Who told that crazy girl to wear that? Probably the same one that turned Queen Latifah into a boring 40's Big Band singer, complete with a crazy side-o-the-head part in her hair that made her look lopside-headed. I must say, Jimmel Kimmel is weird. I mean sort of pervy and I don't like him no mo'. He and Sara Silverman are perfectly odd for each other, and I just don't want to be a spectator anymore.

Now, let me give some stuff on Carrie. I consider myself an expert on her. I like to study her. All kidding aside, for someone that is interested in the effects of celebrity on the human psychy, she is a perfect subject. All of the idols are, for that matter, (the ones that become famous...not Sanjaya or Trailer Hicks...but I like to study the failures too...I digress). So Amy said that the Portland radio station was bashing her...said she was cool in the studio, and fame had gone to her head. So, let's think about this a bit. How often do you hear or read ANY MEDIA PERSON on tv or radio, raving about how nice and kind someone is??? NICE is not worth talking about. Scandal and BITCHY, now that perks up the ears and sells the mag covers. It's more fun to say she is a beautiful bitch because haters get more attention.

Now, my awesome blog readers...I know what you are thinking...ColeyB is Biased for her Carrie. She can't see beyond the awesomeness of her favorite Idol. Well, in fact, I can. And I do think she has flaws. If you can make it through any of her acceptance speeches without hitting the TIVO FF button, then you are a better person than me. I cringe when she speaks. I want to give her speaking lessons and teach her passion SO badly. She is stiff in performance, and stiff in speaking. She is disconnected in a way...Mmmm...could this be the bitchiness the radio jocks are speaking of. MAYBE...well in fact, Carrie has put all the guessing to rest by speaking to a reporter about it in USA Today (my favorite newspaper...the People Magazine of news) She, herself, is quoted as saying, "I'm very shy and people think I am rude or standoffish. And until I get to know you, I don't have alot to say. But when I do, then I say what I have to say." And she finishes by saying, "I'm a lot like my dad, a man of few words." Carrie is stubborn, raised by a strict Christian family on a small town farm in Checotah, OK. Her momma told her what to wear on her first tv performance, and said "no" to her first outfits for being too risky. So, imagine where she is coming from when these media jackals are harrassing her while she is on a date with Tony Romo, or trying to go to church where parish members are taking cellphone pics of her praying. It's quite a lot to deal with I bet, with a smile on your face. And she has been betrayed by long time friends who sold her out. I'm happy she is having a good time with Chace Crawford (hottie from Gossip Girl) and getting to enjoy the fruits of her labor.

Don't you love it when I climb up on my soap box???

More later. I need to take a breath. Next up...celebrity mansions from Queen Lee Lee.

Still in LA...only one tiny sort of celeb siting....

We saw Mrs. Spiderman today...Tobey McGuire's wife Jennifer Meyer. Yawn. I am so never going to be able to top Patrick Dempsey, except if I were to see Steve Carrell.
So, hung with Famous Julian today..and he makes me so happy. He indulges my storytelling, and I love his stories as well. We had fondue after our meeting. So fun. After that, Deanna took me and Karen to Robertson street to see the Ivy where everyone goes to be photographed. We actually saw the papparazzi stalkers and got in a bit of an argument. I don't know who was in there, and quite frankly, I'm sick of LA now. It was fun to ride around and see all the places where they all hang out, and you see on the websites and on E!. She drove me to the Osbournes house, and where Lindsay Lohan is staying. But all in all...it is really the most superficial insane false whackland. It starts to get on your nerves. I'm in a $359 a night (with corporate rate) hotel in the heart of it all, and really, I just want to go back to Northern California. It's so much nicer and layed back. I miss home so much and my cats and of course my hubby...not in that order...really.
One funny story...I went to get some ice in the hallway and I was just going to run down, barefoot and run back. Of course, some dude pops out of his room. I smile and keep running...and he follows me. And then I realize he's staring at my head. I had forgotten all of my hair bands to put my hair in a ponytail, and being the resourceful nut I am, had fashioned a clip out of my toothbrush. The dude was staring at my toothbrush sticking out of my hair bun. Home tomorrow and back in the office by the afternoon. Yippee Skippee.

I'm In LA ...and I saw Patrick Dempsey

omg omg omg...I just saw Patrick Dempsey. McSteamy. OMG...I can't fucking believe I just saw him. It's the best ****AAAA celebrity I ever saw, ever. Sorry, I don't make my living as a papparazzi. The picture sort of sux, but the dummy valet guy kept getting in the way. And the stupid car pulled up, and I was hyperventilating, and he was so hot.

He was hanging outside my hotel at the valet stand. So freakin' stellar. We were just standing there getting our car and we had to walk around us to hand his $7.00 to the valet. And of course, I FROZE like popsicle at the North Pole. Deanna, the beautiful blonde in the picture, was giving me the eyeball hoping I would look over. I was so busy trying to swallow my stomach and not barf up a lung. I so saw him. And then time stood still. We tried not to stare, we tried to be cool, and then we just kept blabbing about stupid crap. And Karen (new girl) was just being cool. LIsten, wtf, why do I always turn to mush around famous people. But FAMOUS JULIAN would be so proud of how cool we were. We waited until we got 1/2 block away to scream like schoolgirls. We didn't even try to talk to him or have eye contact. He was sort of nervously pacing and stuff. It was kind of weird, lasted about 3 minutes, and he was so hot. scruffy beard, cool boots, and tossled perfect McSteamy hair.

I was thinking about my next blog...and it was going to be such a whine fest...I missed my flight this am...blah blah blah, a homeless man made me cry when he asked me for a JOB and not money...and asked me to pray for his family...and I cried all the way to the Bay Bridge, and missed my flight by 20 minutes because it took 2 and a half hours to go 45 miles, and guess what...I DON'T CARE....I SAW PATRICK DEMPSEY!

Ok, I can't type anymore. I have to sit back and reflect. And I am at focus groups to watch kids talk about the video game I work on, so GOOD TIMES. And there are bowls of M&Ms too. YUMMERS. But not as yummy as Patrick Dempsey. Did I mention I am sleeping under the same roof as him tonite? If you need to find me, I am stalking at the W Hotel bar until Midnight tonite. Come on down.

ColeyB

Tivo Update: New Show THIS WEEK!!!

If you watch a shitload of tv, this post if for you. If not, don't bother reading, but, you might become a shitload of tv watcher after taking some of my suggestions. Plus, I will try to be funny. Hopefully you will get one laugh. And who doesn't like to laugh. The Grinch and few other a-holes, but I'm sure they are not reading my blog.
So, the writer's strike is reality. There's no denying it. The reports are out that after this week's episode, THE OFFICE is officially in reruns and they layed off 104 "below the line" (translate, lower salary) production people last week. Very sad. The fact is, when the show goes into reruns, the writer's still get what they call residual pay. So the money keeps rolling in...and the poor chick that drags the donuts in and makes the coffee is the one that won't be able to pay her rent next month. Very, very sad situation.
Word on the street is that there will be no 24 in January, which is a lucky break for Keifer Sutherland, so he can do his 45 days in the pokey for drinking and driving. Ugly Betty only has 4 more episodes and Marc Cherry, creator of Desperate Housewives, says they have filmed up to an episode where someone gets eaten up by a tornado, and viewers will have to wait a while to find out who "isn't in Kansas anymore" (translate...DEAD). (I said this, not him).
So what is on my TIVO? Duh...Reality TV. Now, don't label me as unsympathetic to the cause. We are a union household. And I support my share of tv with storylines, God knows. But someone has to work on the reality tv shows as well. And Reality TV does result in good stuff...There would be no blog called Cole Dishes on Idol, without the IDOL!!! And for that matter, no Kelly Clarkson, no Carrie Underwood, no Chris Daughtry. I mean people, think of a world without American Idol. I shutter even typing the letters. Elizabitch Hasselback was on Survivor...(ok, she's irritating as hell but she did get Rosie off tv, if only for a while, so I give her points there). I learned about Whirling Dirvishes on Amazing Race...which is better than most episodes on the Travel Channel. So, back to what's on my TIVO...
PROJECT RUNWAY STARTS THIS WEEK. Just set your TV. It's on Wednesday night. I will be writing about this weekly 4 sure. I know Lu and Amy will be in on this with me. And AMAZING RACE just started on Sunday last week. More detailed post on those in a bit. I want to do a little research, etc.
Things I deleted: Gossip Girl (sorry Marilyn). Private Practice (I call this Grey's Anatomy 'The stupid edition')...I just can't get into it. this is a case of a bunch of pretty people do not add up to a really good show. The sum of the parts does not bring that synergy that I was expecting. And I love the guy from Wings. I really do. Me and Jerry Seinfeld. (Hey I bought a Bee Movie Happy Meal yesterday...hee hee..bzz bzz...I digress)
And of course, that Making the Great American Band Show is off. I could not even make it through 3 episodes. Those bands sucked. I mean that was awful. It's sad but that little 12 year old rocker band was sort of my favorite..and they sucked. They aren't even old enough to have zits and pubic hair for god sakes, how can they be rockers? To say the lead singer is hot, falls in the category of pedophile. Why was there no age limit on this stupid ass show. Especially when they look to be competing against another band where the lead singer looks like he keeps his teeth in a glass on his nightstand at night. He's old, lemme tell you.
Dirty Sexy Money continues to thrill me. I love that freakin' show. I heard a rumor (spoiler alert) that the tranny is not long for the show. Must not be testing well in focus groups.
Ok, well that's it for now. The take-away in this ramble is TAPE PROJECT RUNWAY.

Bye now.

American Idol Season 7: Some changes in the works

AMY B asked that I dig up some Idol scoopage....and here's what I found.

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November 5, 2007 -- THE "Idol" express is pulling into Hollywood station.
The next edition of "American Idol" doesn't start until January - but the Hollywood phase of the show, where scores of hopefuls are narrowed down to 24 semi-finalists, is about to begin and a new season is officially underway.
Several changes are in the works, officials say, including:
* changing the format to let singers show other musical talents, such as guitar playing.
* many fewer "mentors," those established musical stars like Diana Ross and Tony Bennett, who appeared every week last season and took attention away from the contestants.
* and next summer, the annual "Idol" live tour may be combined with the "So You Think You Can Dance" tour - to create a show with both singing and dancing.
"We're bringing about 160 people back to Hollywood at the end of this month," says "Idol" executive producer Nigel Lythgoe.
"We'll bring everyone there, and the judges will spend four days with them and bring the list down to the top 24 contestants - 12 boys and 12 girls."
The seven-city audition tour ended late last month with a few standouts, Lythgoe says.
"There are one or two that stand out - there are three girls who are superb, including one girl we saw three years ago who wasn't an American citizen [and is now] and we're happy to have her this year," he says.
"And we've got one or two guys who are really good."
Lythgoe is busy producing his latest Fox show, "The Next Great American Band," now and hasn't seen much "Idol" audition footage yet.
"I'm literally going into the edit suite [this] week," he says.
The Hollywood phase of the show will include something different this year. "We knew Chris Daughtry, Carrie [Underwood] and Bo [Bice] could play the guitar but we really couldn't show it," he says. "If [the contestants] can play an instrument this year we want to be able to see that, and we'll introduce a couple of days of that during Hollywood week."
Lythgoe says he's not sure if this idea will be carried over to the "Idol" competition when its seventh season kicks off in late January.
"We'll make a decision when we see how many really talented people we have," he says.
The element of the show that Lythgoe is sure will change, however, is the use of show-biz giants as "mentors" each week.
"We did make something of a mistake with 'Idol' by focusing so much on the mentors," Lythgoe says.
"We got such good mentors [last season] that we forgot about . . . getting across who these kids were, their backgrounds and families," Lythoe says.
"There are legends in our business that hopefully will come along as mentors on 'Idol' this season - but not every single week," he says.
"I want to know about the kids, what makes them tick, what got them singing."
Lythgoe says he'd also like to see the "Idol" and "Dance" touring companies combined into one unit.
"I'd love to see the 'Dance' tour go out with the 'Idol' tour and put the singing and dancing together," he says. "They should never be separate.
"I'd like to see that happen."

**********************
So there you have it....some Idol Scoop...dedicated to AmyB. What does everyone think about the addition of instruments?

Coley

Carrie Underwood Wins 2 ACM awards

She won single of the year for "Before He Cheats" and Female Vocalist of the Year for the second year in a row.

Congrats to her. Her performance of "So Small" was no less than brilliant. Other idols were loud and proud as well, with Kellie Pickler up there with Brad Paisley and she also performed, with her new boobage looking very nice in red sequins. My hubby did not like the new platinum hairdo though. Bucky Covington's record is doing well. He was a presenter.

Now the bad news: I still feel like those bunch of country bitches are not welcoming her into the fold. She doesn't thank any other country star when she does her acceptance speeches. Hell, they even had a non-country, non-singer, from Hollywood ...Kate Walsh from Private Practice (formerly Addison Montgomery on Grey's Anatomy) introduce her performance. Not really the same as having Reba McIntire embrace you like she has Kelly Clarkson.

Miranda Lambert's hair was so teased up, deep fried cotton candy style, and looked awful. She looked liked she had just come from the Hooker Hoedown out on Rt. 99. You know, the one next to Gun City and the Baptist Church? Every town has one.

Kenny Chesney should fire the a-hole that put him in pleated dress slacks. He looked like he was about to go into a meeting with his lawyers, not perform on stage. Actually, they looked like Dockers. Awful. Big and Rich were Big and Loud...and did not disappoint. I love them. I am going to have to see them in concert.

ALERT:
The American Music Awards
Sun Nov 18 8/7c
The 35th annual American Music Awards, hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, will be broadcast live from the Nokia Theatre L.A on Sunday, November 18 at 8pm ET/PT.

And Chris Daughtry is on the national ad as one of the Top 10 reasons to watch. Yippee. And those Jonas Brothers are performing too, for the Disney boyband crowd. I need to see what this is all about.

OH, and for those keeping track, I survived the trip to the MRI for my broken neck, that is still, of course, broken. Those that know me well ...well you know it could have gotten ugly in that tube...panic wise. But I survived. It's crazy what goes through your mind when you are being magnetized. I kept hearing Bart Simpson and thinking about what part of my body might explode first should this thing malfucktion.
Ok, bye now.

Babysitting tonite

What? Am I a teenager in need of gas money? Nope, but these days it seems that teens don't babysit and adults have no other options than to beg neighbors to watch the kids. Can you believe I don't have kids of my own for a reason. Well, mainly because of fertility issues, but really, it was God saying...Girl you are too crazy for kids. So, all is well. Let's hope I manage to keep these 2 breathing for 3+ hours tonite until their parents return drunk from dinner in Napa. I hope I'm not drooling on the couch with a mustache painted on my face in Sharpie when they walk in.

I'm sort of excited. I don't even know what to do with this kid. She's wicked smart. I'm taking my Nintendo DS and my new The Simpsons Game to entertain me. I hope she finds something else to do. My luck she'll find some matches and burn her sister's crib to the ground. Let's hope not.

More later.