Carrie NewzFlash....

As I told you earlier...her album breaks October 23. Yippy Skippy. And now we know the title...Carnival Ride. Here is the aledged cover art...Sorry it's kind of tiny...but the leakers must not have had access to a huge file. Could she be any more beautiful? I can't wait. I love her first single.

-coleyb

Thanks for Writing Everyone!!

I have certainly felt the love by all the "regulars" who came out and commented when I was passively hinting that I'm not going to write anymore if you don't comment anymore. I am very capable of imposing guilt even on the most suspecting of victims.

HOWEVER, we are still one man down. Let's do a roll call of usual "commenters"
-Jeffro...check
-Christina...check
-Lu...check
-Seester...check
-Anonymous...check
-DeeDee's co-worker...check
-Amy...check
-CHAD...NOPE...NADA...MMMMMmmmm... I think we are flying in the missing man formation for a bit longer. Chad is a no check in...

So, let's see...should I confess this?

We have house guest visiting from LA. Hubby's high school buddy, wife and 12 yr old kid. Well, the kid is an only child and the most self-sufficient in entertaining himself, ever. Today we went out on Lake Berryessa in our boat, and I shit you not, he spent 4 hours on the shoreline making mud bombs and throwing them to see how big a splash they would make. And then he had to race me in a swim contest...and I'm so competitive I actually tried to beat him. 2 cardiac cocktails later, I was back to normal breathing pattern. I do fancy myself a good swimmer...but these little boys are like sharks. I was handicapped by a swim noodle...that's my excuse.

Tonite, through no fault of mine, we were forced to watch Jessica Simpson in "Employee of the Month". Now this has quite a cast. Dane Cook, Dax Sheppard (Kate Hudson's current squeeze), Andy Dick, and Pedro from Napolean Dynamite. How could this cast put such crappola on film? However, I admit, my man and his buddy are laughing their ass off in there. It is pretty stupid. And those are sometimes funny. We are going to see Bourne Ultimatum in the afternoon tomorrow.

Sorry Jeffro, yes, I am on 2 days vacation. No blowing me shit about it. Save it for my 7 nights, 8 days in Kauai. :)

I'd like to take this time to say "HAVE FUN ON VACAY LU!!!!!!!" Oh, Lu, I hope you don't mind if I share the photo of how you won your trip to Greece. I thought you wouldn't since you posted your blog address. Anyway, they are still talking about your fancy dance moves with the statues over at that restaurant. Anyhoo...try not to get too toasty in Greece. Have a funderful time with your buddy and I can't wait to read the blog and see alot of cool pics.

Hope everyone has some fun plans for the last official weekend of summer. Boo-hoo.

xoxox-coleyb

Separated by Centuries

OMG...what the hell has she continued to do to her face? This poor woman...Priscilla Presley. I think Elvis looked better in his final days. After 6 pizzas dipped in peanut butter and chased with a 5th of Jack. Priscilla, I'm afraid, got too many tips from Jacko Whacko's plastic surgeon.

I'm just sayin'

Thunder thighs forgets her pants...in her rush to make world headlines today

Yes, it must of been really upsetting for Britney to see Owen Wilson get all the press yesterday. So, she decided to go out without any pants on. I hope they blow this picture up to the size of a freeway billboard and post it on the side of the courthouse when Kfed hauls her into court again for custody of those kids.

Really, at this point, I'd support a kidnapping of those kids.

Where the Hell Have I Been?

What do you think I've been doing? Here are your choices...and several of them are true...you pick:

1. I am a high powered executive and have been sifting my way through resume's for a new person to fetch my Starbucks
2. I have been taking a new drug and it is causing me some dizziness and inability to read late in the evening.
3. I decided to make a baby quilt...4 days before the shower. And I finished it at midnight before the party.
4. My new co-worker loves to go to lunch and I don't sit at my desk and blog during lunch anymore.
5. I've been obsessed with my Hawaii trip. No blogging, just surfing.
6. No one writes comments anymore so I am uninspired. No Christina, No Jeffro, No Chad, no Amy, no Lu. WTF?
7. I find my family reads my blog and therefore doesn't call. WTF?
8. My house has become so dirty and unmanageable my husband stole my laptop.
9. My bicycle has taken alot of evening time.
10. There is so much tv I've found to watch on Vh1 and the History Channel, no time to blog.
11. My near death experience with the shrimp choking caused me to RE-evaluate life and take it much more seriously. Blogging is irrelevant.
12. I'm boycotting blogging until all Hollywood starlets stay out of jail or rehab for atleast 30 minutes.
13. SUPERBAD actors are my new obsession in life, and I must meet them. They are so hot.

Ok, so all of these are true really. I've just been summertime goofing. But really, who cares what I'm up to. What's up with you? Let me catch you up on the regulars that come to the blog...
Christina has been sorely missed by many of us. Finally, she has resurfaced and is alive and well. She had some eye surgery and it had a longer rehab than expected. She is groovy good, and I'm sure we will hear from her soon, as soon as she finds time in her studying and chasing boy time.
Chad is missing in action. Chad???? Hello???
Lu is readying for her trip to Greece. She is busy in fire training class right now and being fitted for her sterno panties. ha.
Jeffro, well he is burning in hell for making comments about my eating all summer.
Amy, marvelously recovering from Cancer. She is in radiation now, having completed chemo and her hair is growing back. I've never seen her without highlights or fancy colors. This will be a new experience. She so beautiful bald though. She continues to inspire me. I guess that wraps up the gang. Of course Queen LeeLee is busy readying for Hawaii vacation with me. We are getting so excited, it's all we talk about. She can't wait to smell the Hawaiian air. I can't wait to eat everything rolled in coconut, fried in coconut, served in a coconut, or dipped in coconut. You get the picture.

Oh, so I wonder if you all have seen that show "The PIckup Artist" with Mystery. How weird is that? That show Sunset Tan is so LA and I swear to God I hate Los Angeles. Those people are such posers it kills me when I am down there. It's like visiting another planet. If you aren't tan and anorexic you must be from Iowa and are treated like a foreigner. But I laugh. It is just wacky.

I'm so sad about Owen Wilson trying to commit suicide. That's some bad shit. Hope the best for him.

Greg is yelling at the tv right now...at Sunset Tan...saying "These guys got to keep the hotties, even if they are stupid" Speaking about the Olly girls. Spoken like a true man. I love that my husband is so dude-like. I have had tendencies in the past to fall for gay men, and I secretly worry that one day my husband is going to be gay. Like seriously. So, when he talks about woman's tits, I breath a sigh of relief. OMG the Olly girls are playing hide and seek in the tanning beds. Janelle is a bitch on Sunset Tan. I hope she reads my blog. Stupid tan bitch. OMG Greg just yelled at the tv again..."That bitch needs to be bitch slapped." I'm not sure what is better ST or my husband yelling at tv. These people act so freaking stressed about taking people's money and sending them to room 1 or 2 or 3. whatever. How hard can that be? I bet it takes them 30 minutes to order at Starbuck's.

Ok, well, I'm going to bed now. Nitey Nite freakies.

Don't Diss It 'Til You Try It

I was quietly reflecting on my last post...and I see that I have transgressed in my over zealousness at dissing the Flava of Love show. This really nice girl at work named Hilary loves this show and is obsessed with it. So, I happened to have TIVO on pause while I was blogging tonite, and it popped off...to ...wait for it....The Flava of Love 3 You Cast It.

Ok, that's some funny ass shit. There, I said it. Ok, he is off his rocker...but the comediennes that comment on the casting tapes are the funniest thing I have ever seen. Besides Flav. That big damn clock around his neck. OMG.

Oh, I forgot to tell y'all...I almost died tonite. Yep, I'm down to 8 lives now. And the irony is, I would have died choking to death on my favorite food...a little grilled shrimp, while watching Top Chef.

Do not read further if easily grossed out, but I literally had to save my own life by hacking up that shrimp right there on my carpet! That shrimp flew out my mouth like in a scene out of Monty Python. And my husband looked at me and said, "Dude, you hacked on the carpet like a cat coughing up a furball." And I said, "One life down, 8 more to go.". In another twist of irony, Stanley Steemer is already scheduled to come on Saturday. Atleast I know one grease spot with my name on it they will be removing. I'm just sayin'.

Now, have you noticed the disintegration of this blog after being exposed to Flava Flav in the background for 22 minutes. My mind has melted. VH1 has the most awfulest commercials too. There are so many stupid ass gum and hair color commericials, I know my IQ is dropping like the Dow.

Bye again. Gotta go to bed, but I;m addicted to this Flav. I gotta finish it. How could I be addicted this quick?

the night exchange...omg a porn phone number commercial on VH1. I think I am too naive to watch this shit.

New TV on the TIVO

My groovy co-workers occasionally recommend some good shit to watch on tv. And one of my new finds is Mission: Man Band. Seems there are 4 guys from 4 boy bands that are going to relaunch their own new MAN "not boy" Band. Mmm. I smell a stinker. And can I just tell you, I have actually met and spoken to one of the "MEN"...Chris Kirkpatrick of NSync. Smell me. Yes, I also spoke with Justin Timberlake as well. And Lance Bass and the other one were working out...so no speaking to us, and JOEY Fat-one...well he was running his mouth. But Chris and Justin were groovy. Ok, enough about me and my brush with famousness...Remember that night Amy B??? LOL
Anyway, Chris from NSync plus Rich Cronin from LFO, Bryan Abrams from Colour Me Bad..and .Jeff Timmons 98 degrees...I think it might be better than reruns of other crap.
Chelsea Handler is pretty funny still. She's opened her barn doors to a few cowboys...and likes to talk about it. funny. And Flava Flav's show is back on. I'm not watching it. Nevah!
Oh and that porn star Tera Patrick is on with her huge boobage resting on the table like they are 2 cantaloupes in a fruit bowl. She's insanely pretty, I can't believe she is a porn queen.
I can't believe that John Mayer is dating Cameron Diaz now. I don't like her. At all. I think he's cool. Maybe I'm the only one after his hanging with dummy Simpson.
I'm rambling. Can we all tell that this shit tv is killing me...I need to see some new Fall Season and quick. New TV please.

Hey, I cleaned my cube today and what do you think it says about me that I unearthed a random stash of napkins about a mile thick. They were everywhere. Why? Why am I so afraid to throw them away? I think it's because where I went to college they had a sign over every napkin dispenser that said "Save a Tree, take only one napkin"...and so now, I take 2 and when I don't need it, I save it. And now I have enough to wallpaper the entire floor.

Ok, nighty night.

Jive Got Jordin

Jordin Sparks, our youngest Idol ever, has signed with Clive, the oldest record exec ever. She has jumped aboard the Good Ship Lollycock (GSL) and trusted Dr. Evil with her career. Ok, Clive, put up or shut up. Of course, this isn't really big news, because it's what you win for being voted as the American Idol.
Jordin is the first artist to sign with the Zomba Label Group — all past “Idol” winners and runners-up have signed with the RCA Label Group’s J (Fantasia, Ruben Studdard), Arista (Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks) or RCA (Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, Clay Aiken) labels.
The Zomba Label Group consists of record labels Jive, LaFace, Volcano, Verity, GospoCentric and Fo Yo Soul. These labels represent a varied group of artists including Justin Timberlake, R. Kelly, Usher, Tool, Ciara, Chris Brown, Pink, Britney Spears, OutKast, Kirk Franklin, Three Days Grace, 311, Nick Lachey, T-Pain, Byron Cage, Bullet For My Valentine, Buddy Guy, Living Things, Anthony Hamilton, Donnie McClurkin, John P. Kee, Fred Hammond, Hezekiah Walker, Marvin Sapp, Kelly Price, J. Moss and Backstreet Boys.
Jive is a division of the Zomba Label Group which is itself a part BMG U.S. (part of Sony/BMG). Clive Davis is the head of BMG U.S. and will also help mentor Jordin’s career.

First single, Tattoo, is to be released August 27. It's August 19th right now. I am just now hearing about this. Strike 1 to the Marketing Dept at GSL. Where's the buzz? And I'm not talking about Clive's pacemaker. "Tattoo" was co-written by the creator of James Blunt's smash hit "Beautiful". You know that song got banned in UK for overplay, right??? First time I've ever heard of people boycotting a song because it was too popular. Too bad no one though of that when frickin' Celine Dion Titanic song was everywhere.

Good Luck Jordin at Jive Records. I hope Tattoo rocks the house. But most importantly, I hope this song doesn't sound like a Hilary Duff reject. The whole cd drops in November.

ColeyB

Why Does Crazy Shit Happen to Me?

Innocently, I attended a baby shower for a work colleague today, hosted by the President of our company. It was at her beautiful multi-million dollar mansion in Hillsborough, and impecably decorated.

As I leave, and thank the hostess for a wonderful time, I decide to snoop into the grand room and look at the artwork.

Mistake #1. I got busted snooping, as she came whipping into the room but I don't think she really noticed, I pretended to be talking to the little dogs in the cages. Her prize puffy white dogs she talks about alot.

Mistake #2. Not running to my car and punching it to get the hell outta there. Somehow those prize dogs got loose, and she came flying out of the house, leashes in hand, and yelled..."Cole, take me to the dogs!"...and jumped into my car. What???What ???? Am I suddenly starring in some fuckin' modern day western where my Lexus is rounding up fancy dogs like cattle???? I swear this woman yelled..."GO!" And so I did, running stop signs, yelling out the windows, acting nuts. It was surreal. And then, she pops out and runs for a dog, and tosses him in the backseat as if I am driving a fucking YUGO. Hello...leather seats and tiny sharp dog claws are not a match made in heaven. I'm thinking to myself, I SO am going to expense the repair of my seats.

Finally the 2nd doggie is snapped up and the whole family is happily deposited back at home. And Cole gets a gold star next to her name in the President's book. That and $3.80 will get you a Venti Toffee Nut Latte at Starbuck's, which is exactly what I will be having tomorrow am!!!

Nighty night Goony goo goos.

Carrie Underwood's new single: So Small

Ok, the hits just keep on coming out of this chick. She is so awesome. Her new single is called "So Small" and it's everything but. Great, great song. I love it. LOVE IT. Reminds me of a Rascal Flatts song...powerful, powerful vocals and TONS of big music. Lots of strings and drums and cymbals. Now I wish I had gone to see her in Dixon dammit. So, I simply cannot wait for the cd to drop on October 23.

I guess I can officially check off what I am looking forward to in October!!! Except Halloween of course. The National Day of Candy.

Anyway, Carrie Underwood has just got to be psyched about this song. I wonder if she wrote it? I'll have to check on that.

ColeyB

Rehab has a new resident...

Well, the revolving door of rehabbers continues...Amy Winehouse is in. Big shocker. Remember when I wrote that Perez had practically turned his website into AmyWinehouse.com. Anyway, I guess she got hospitalized for overdosing on H, Coke and Meth and then ....drumroll please...HORSE TRANQUILizers. She weighs less than Mary Kate Olsen on a fat day, and is downing National Velvet's relaxers??? I guess those horse teeth of hers came naturally...I'm just sayin.

25 minutes later from the last post

I'm hungry. $400.00 doesn't go as far as it used to.

Hello...Domino's?

Just had the most expensive meal of my life...

I cannot believe this meal I just ate. And it was in San Francisco at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant Postrio, and it was delicious. Can you believe my appetizer of heirloom tomatoes over a goat cheese, basil and melon frittata, had a scoop of Jalapeno sorbet over it??? Sounds gross but it was delicious..the sweet and spicy was unbelievable. My halibut was served over a bed of coconut curry TAPIOCA!!!! What??? But again, to die for. 2 couple = 4 people = $400.00. Holy Shitoli Canneloni. Normally, I save that kind of dough for the Coach store, but this was my husband paying a debt for some work his buddy did on the race car, so it's cool. And we all had a great time. His buddy had vanilla ice cream with Sage in it, which was really tasty. Greg had some stellar scallops. Oddly enough, we all ordered something different, so it was good to see all the weird stuff. I had a tres leche cake with Kahlua cream and espresso ice cream. I will be up until 3:00 in the am for sure.

And the moral to this story is...go out and treat yourself to a gastrointestinal splurge every now and again. It's so worth it... and live on the edge and don't order the steak. Expand your foodie horizons.

Nitey night.

ColeyB with the Coffee Buzz

American Idol Fan Sings through Labor Contractions

Um, yeah, you were not seeing things. here's the scoop...

Dallas, TX - For the first time in American Idol history, an auditioner went into labor while waiting with 13,500 hopefuls for her chance to become the next singing superstar. On Monday, nine-months-pregnant Antoria Gillon arrived at Texas Stadium with hopes of becoming the next American Idol; however, as the time of her audition approached, she realized she was in labor. Determined not to miss her shot at fame, Gillon sang her heart out while in the midst of severe contractions. After completing the audition, she was taken to the Medical Center at Lancaster, where she gave birth to a healthy son -- whom she named Jamil Labarron Idol McCowan. Baby Idol arrived early Tuesday morning and weighed 6lbs 7oz. Congratulations to Mother and Son!

Also, I got this pic below from the snaps of the crowd...now these are some cute girls. I bet there is a story behind them. They sort of remind me of Kimberly Locke.
And PLEEZE, Oh GOD, PLEASE let this guy have made it to the blooper reel. Look at that hair. It looks like deep fried cotton candy that has been dipped in caramel sauce. It's a fro with highlights. How did he get just the tips to be blondish?
And unfortunately, these 2 didn't get the bulletin...it's called American IDOL...not Idols. Not the search for America's Most Talented Duo. We already have Batman and Robin, and they will not be dethroned. We need the IDOL...singular. In fact, if we wanted to pair up Idols, we'd just smack Trailor Hicks and Clay Aiken together ... (actually, I forgot Clay lost...) Anyway, check out the hair, matching fake pearl necklaces...I hope we get a glimpse of these 2...in Idol week auditions.

Ok, allow me this one...just once

you know I hate all those dumbass blondes, but this picture just epitomizes the dumbness. And I can't stand it, but the Superficial writer is hysterical...see below:

Kevin Federline's lawyer went to court yesterday afternoon and filed legal papers seeking custody of his two children with Britney Spears. The documents are under seal so the details of the petition are unknown, but Federline recently threatened to file for full custody because of Britney's recent behavior. I don't really see how Federline can mess this up. Anybody who owns a computer or TV knows what kind of mother Britney Spears is. K-Fed could show up to court with a cage with "baby" written on the side and still end up getting the kids.


SERIOUSLY...doesn't she look like she is honking like a Hee Haw Donkey? And why is she always going out to fetch her own flippin' coffee? I mean really??? She lives in Hollywood, where they made John Travolta look like a 350 lb Woman...don't you think they could give her a fat suit and a better wig and she could go out incognito? Hell, no, then she wouldn't be in the tabs and on E! and people like me would be going to bed at 10:00 instead of writing blogs. Even Julian and I were too famous and busy to fetch our own coffee the other day...some nice guy in the office got it for us...and some other dude magically produced my ice cream. It was good to be the spoiled client for a day.

OMG I forgot about my blog

Seriously, I just forgot I needed to write some stuff. This is why God did not give me kids. I would lose them somewhere...like my car keys. I forgot to check my garden and yesterday I pulled out a zucchini the size of a Louisville slugger. no Joke. It weighed in at 20 oz.s like over 1 pound!!! 11 inches long. My tomato plants are just loaded and I haven't the energy or inclination to pick them. But I did steal some asian pears out of the tree at the movie theatre parking lot the other day! haha.

So, where have I been? Well, Los Angeles on Monday. It was fun. I got Pinkberry for the first time. (yogurt stuff, which is all the rage...google it). And Famous Julian did indeed take me to Urth Cafe. Had my first Boba drink (tapioca green tea thing and the straw is big enough to suck the pearls out. They are black pearls. Very good) No celebrities though. I repel them like raid, really. I got to see the end of Julian's staff meeting, and it seems it's custom to ask everyone on Monday morning if they had any celebrity sitings. I'm so jealous. Really, it's just so hard not to get caught up in it down there. But I swear everyone looks like someone, and you just stare at them and think "are you famous or just good looking?". It's sort of surreal and then I get creeped out and want to get on a plane and get back to the Bay Area. I love it so much up here. So unpretentious and earthy and no one cares about anything you do. Whatever....just don't litter, waste water, gay bash or be racist. That's all they ask.

Today I went to the most hysterical store. A Japanese 5 and dime, if you will. And I got the best little cookies that look like Panda's with chocolate in them. Bought them to cheer up co-worker. Got some awful Pineapple gummy things...YUKkO...and some really funny stupid sushi junk. All of it was a dollar each! haha.

I see that Katharine McPhee is in Adam Sandler's next movie. Chad should be happy about that...wink.

Christina, are you still with us? No word from you in weeks.

Lu is on countdown to Greece and I am in the 6 week window for launching my ass to Hawaii with Queen Lee Lee. It's like a countdown for the space shuttle...all systems are in place. Booked the rental car yesterday. QLL got new luggage Tuesday Morning @ Tuesday Mornings...haha. All we have to do is book the Luau now and some spa treatments and we are set to jet. Literally.

Kelly Clarkson and Tamyra Gray were recently spotted sharing a big hug at some charity thing in NYC. And Kelly has just been announced as the opening music act at the Opening NFL Monday Night football game. yippee!!! I can't wait until Sober hits the airwaves. Of course, I don't really listen to radio so it won't matter, but anyway...

How's your summer winding down??? Hope you have some plans for Labor Day that are good. We have old friends visiting...they aren't old, they are our age, but ....well, you get it.

Bye now.

Hello Again from Beverly Hills

Remember when I wrote last time and had all that trouble from the little boutique hotel in Bev 90210? Well, I booked a big chain this time...a nice one, and happily checked in.

And maintenance has been called to my room. Water keeps pouring out of the fancy deluge showerhead, even though I haven't even gone in the bathroom. Quite fancy it is, and I'm quite irritated that the enjoyment is gone.

Anyway, when I was checking in..I couldn't believe my eyes. Some RICH as all get out person was wheeling up in a Mercedes in front of me. OMG, they had just been shopping all day....I swear to the retail God's they had a bag from every store on Rodeo Dr. I never got to see who it was, but there were huge Salvador Ferragamo and Tiffany boxes in the pile. And by pile I mean they took up an entire luggage cart...their shopping!!! no luggage, just shopping bags 6 ft x 6 ft cube of retail therapy.

Well, I'm calling the freakin' front desk and cancelling the maintenance because I want to go to bed. If it rains all night, whatev.

coley

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY SEESTER!!!

Hope you had a great spa day! I will always remember the day Barry Bonds tied the Home Run record, because it was on Baby Seester's bday and I was in Queen Lee Lee's swimming pool and she starting screaming "He Did It, He Did It..." and my first thought was OJ had finally confessed, but quickly realized that was never going to happen, where's the cash in that? So, her husband and I ran into the house and watched it over and over again on TIVO. Then her husband went over to the Baseball memoriabilia cabinet and turned on the lights saying, "better turn the lights on the shrine to commemorate this moment..." LOL. Back to the pool...as it was 111 degrees in Sac today.

So, I saw Hairspray today. What a kick. Very, very cute. Loved it. And John Travolta was great.

I had some awesome fish today too. If you ever get the chance to eat Hawaiian Ono then do it!!! Delicious fish, tastes like chicken. Kidding...grilled it really is like steak. Very dense, not flaky or fishy. Which makes me think...why do we buy fish and hope it doesn't taste fishy? That's like saying...I'll have a dark chocolate dessert and then complain it was too bitter. What?

Want some good laughs? Google "Faith Hill Tim Balls" and watch the videos of Faith Hill chewing out a fan that grabbed her husband's package...literally. She actually said "You don't go grabbing someone else's husband's balls". And The Soup made particular fun that she does this rant, while still tapping her foot to the beat. Still swaying to the music while she bitches this chick out. Hilarious.

Well, I'm off to Los Angeles tomorrow night. Going to visit Famous Julian and do a little work. I'm not staying at the rat hole in Beverly Hills 90210 this time. I'm staying at a swank place that just had a grand opening "as seen on Entertainment Tonite". Ok, so that's what the website said, and I have to admit...what's good enough for Mark Steines and Mary Hart is good enough for me. I am going to make Famous Julian take me to lunch this time. I want to go to the Erth Cafe. I saw some stars there on tv last week. I think it's close by. I don't care. I'm going to make him take me star stalking. He might be too busy though. He said he always sees David Spade when he goes to lunch, so he better take me out. I better shut up because I think he still reads this blog. haha. Don't get a dent in your do, Jules.

Ok, well, I'll probably write next from the badass hotel suite. Maybe from the lobby so I can watch for stars. I'm going to pretend I write a famous blog. I got a new Crackberry that takes pics I can email too. Yeah Baby! I'm stalkarazzi equipped.

Nite-O

Little Tidbits before Bedtime

Well, Jury Duty was a bust. I got a lame ass trial. And I didn't even get picked in the end. But seriously, it made me think. So here's the deal. A dude got busted for reckless driving which is a misdemeanor. So, he was fighting it. It seems he had a car malfucktion. And this caused him to careen across multiple lanes. And I started to think...Jumpin Jackasses, I ran across two lanes just getting to the courthouse this morning. I was laughing with Queen Lee Lee and almost missed the exit. Was this trial a sign that I should put the phone down and drive, as my husband says. Well, I do have a bluetooth, which Greg says sounds terrible, therefore he calls it shit tooth, but I digress. Anyway, I'm sure that trial was my message to slow it down sister or your next on the court docket.

Some funny stuff did come out of the trial...one man was questioned as to whether he had ever experienced trouble with a vehicle. He was about 62 years old and spoke very slowly. As he started to talk, I thought "Oh here we go, this is going to be a long one..." and he simply said as deadpanned as ever, the following:

"I was towing my 5th wheel trailer back from my camping trip. I lost the brakes. We were going downhill pretty fast. Anyway, we both died." And then he giggled and said, "obviously, not really...and the whole courtroom just busted up. I thought the damn judge was going to pee his gown. And then they kept asking him stupid questions...well Mr. Kryszinski, if yoiu were a cat how many lives would you have left?". I shit you not they asked him that. Really, I would let this woman represent me in a trial for a new shampoo, much less a crime. It was comical.

One lady was filling out the questionaire, which asked, "Do you have any children?" Yes or No. She said, "If my children are over 30, do I still answer yes that I have children?" Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the jury of your peers. Really, they should show video of this, and I think this would deter crime much better than the death penalty, knowing these yahoo's are deciding your fate. And after all was said and done, they dismissed Mr. Krysinski to go live out the rest of his 7 lives in peace.

And "peace out, Seacrest out, over and out...bye now".

ColeyB

Somebody's Goin' to the Big House

Yes, it's true, I have jury duty tomorrow and my "guilty" trigger finger is feeling itchy. I'm ready to put a low life landlord onto skid row, or a gang member up the river for 20 to life. I will not be lenient.

All kidding aside, I'm sort of nervous. I always get picked for this shit. I have been in California for 15 years and only been called up 4 times, and each time got dismissed because they ran out of cases or I didn't even have to show up. Well, today, my number was up and they are making me report tomorrow. I got a pass earlier in the day but had to check in for day 2, and bam, I have to show at 8:00 am. I appear to be a middle america lady, not crazy looking, relatively well spoken and somewhat intelligent and those damn lawyers just love me. Last time I was the Foreman. Why? Because I could string together 5 words for a sentence and addressed the judge by "Your Honor" when I asked for a pee break. How hard is it to remember a few episodes of LA Law or any other courtroom drama. I mean really?

So, anyhoo, I can't wait to tell yall all about it. And speaking of y'all...I hate the way they are mocking Britney and sayin' "Y'all" all the time, like she coined that term/phrase/word.

Anyway, can you feel it in the air people? Season 7 auditions of American Idol have started!!!! whoo hoo. They began on 7/30 in San Diego. Very exciting.

I'm happy to report my new bra is worthy of a mate. I will be purchasing said model in another color, for those playing along.

Been working too hard, no time to write blog really. It's the busy season and we are swamped trying to get all the games ready for all the little spoiled brats getting video games from Santa Clause. It's enough to make you hate Christmas almost...not really, I love that time of the year. I go apeshit decorating and I am the type that buys presents year round and stores in a closet. I already have Queen LeeLee's gift for her bday and Christmas and they are both in December.

Me and the Queen talk about Hawaii so much now you'd swear we were leaving next week. Right now we are on the hunt for new suitcases. We decided Quad wheelies are cool, so we are on the hunt. My hubby's been using the suitcase we boiught for 40 bucks on the streets of Paris when we needed a new bag to pack all the souvenirs in! haha.

Well, what else do I know? Oh, 2 new idols were named as getting record deals. I'll post the picture, and honestly, I can't remember,...oh Sundance Head and Stephanie??? Saloma??? Sabrina??? I can't remember, but I do remember thinking she was going to bust out one night and declare herself a drag queen. She has the look. Sorry if that's rude but she did.